Would someone be kind enough to answer a (long) question about personal religious experiences for me?
Okay, I’m not a Christian. I think anyone who’s seen my posts up to this point can take a stab at that one. So I’m told, Christianity is about a “personal relationship with Jesus”, and that you have to open your heart to him. Groovy?
Native Americans, on the other hand, tend to believe in totem spirits that guide you, and as I mentioned last night one of the most prominent of them, at least where I came from, was Coyote.
Growing up, I sort of hovered between two worlds, because some of my ancestors are white, but others are Native American. Despite being raised in Native American society, my mother spent most of her time trying to be white (that doesn’t work out so well if you marry a Native American, but they ended up divorcing, anyway).
Her father was absolutely Native American, and while he did marry a half-French woman, he didn’t really approve of his daughter’s almost desperate need to forsake her own culture. Since she was his daughter, she was always welcome in his house, but he took the opportunity to teach his grandchildren what he could about being Native American… so, hovering between two worlds.
My mother made sure we went to church, and gave us the whole “fire and brimstone” bit. I’ll head off one of the answers in advance and say that no, she most certainly didn’t do it because she loved her children. By her own admission, she loathes every one of us. It was a way for her to keep up appearances, but like every little kid being told these things by mommy, I tried my little heart out to believe it.
I’d go to bed and pray for her to stop being so mad, and nobody answered.
I’d pray for her and my stepfather to stop beating me and my brothers up, and nobody answered.
I’d pray they’d stop going out every Friday and get completely wasted and come stumbling home to pass out for the weekend, and nobody answered.
I’d pray and pray and pray for something– for anything– to help me keep believing, and NOBODY ANSWERED.
When I was fifteen, I finally couldn’t take it any longer, and ran away from home. We lived in a little town in the middle of the desert, so I literally took all the money I had in the world (thirty-eight cents) and walked into the desert.
Needless to say, that really isn’t a good idea if you have no water and the nearest town is sixty miles away, nor is it a good idea to do so if you don’t have a compass or a map. After six or seven hours, I was as lost as I could be. I was alone, there wasn’t a single sign of civilization in sight, and the one thing that I was beginning to realize more than any other was that I was going to die.
I had strep throat, and couldn’t see straight. I was out of energy, I was dehydrated, and it was freezing (night had fallen). When you get right down to it, though, I simply didn’t want to go on any more. I was done, there was no more hope, and the place I was standing was as good as any to lay down and do the deed.
Then, out of nowhere, this coyote shows up and starts snapping at me. I could hear howls from the rest of its pack in the distance, but couldn’t see any of them. This one, though, he was right there yipping and snapping and hopping around, and my desire to drop dead didn’t include being eaten while I was still alive.
So, I fought back, got it to back off, and then tried to leave. The thing should have set off after a good kick or two, but wouldn’t you know it I found the one that didn’t care how much it got kicked. It kept its distance, but it spent its time worrying me and snapping at my heels.
Everywhere I turned, this thing was behind me. I’d try to go left and it would drive me right. I’d try to go back and it would drive me forward. I’d try to go right, and it would drive me back left. All I could think was that I just had to keep putting one foot in front of the other. One more step. Just one more step. That’s all, just one more step. As long as I boiled the journey down to one more step, I was able to keep taking it, especially with the damned thing chomping on my heels, until in the middle of the night, I saw brake lights from a car. As soon as I did and started for them, it turned around and trotted off into the night.
It turned out to be a police officer moving from the town I used to live in to the next town. His car had blown a tire, and he had to stop there to fix it.
So, if religious experience boils down to our personal experience, I’m curious.
No matter how long or hard I prayed or how much I tried to believe, Jesus never, ever answered me… but when I was lost in the desert in the dark, Coyote showed up and found a way to get me back on my feet and get me to the one place where someone could rescue me.
If religion is about having a personal relationship with God, which one am I supposed to walk away from my experiences believing in? Am I supposed to keep trying to believe in the one who never answered me, or am I supposed to believe in the one that
Apologies, the question seems to have been cut off. The last paragraph should read:
If religion is about having a personal relationship with God, which one am I supposed to walk away from my experiences believing in? Am I supposed to keep trying to believe in the one who never answered me, or am I supposed to believe in the one that showed up?
Some of you worry me a great deal.
I have to admit, I did wonder if anyone was going to get around to basically saying “no, no, don’t you see, it was really MY god in disguise to look like that other one to convince you to believe so you should definitely believe in MY god”.
Mmmm… yes, I can see where God would try to lead someone to Jesus by making sure Jesus never spoke to them, and then send what looks like another spirit they’ve learned about to rescue them.
I can see that much in the way I can see something that looks like a duck, walks like a duck, and quacks like a duck and say “look, it’s a moose!”
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Tags: Little Heart
March 21st, 2007 at 3:39 pm
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Jesus our savior. Dont le your faith waver. What the devil meant for bad. God made for good. That was God that showed up. Silly. Your life expierience was made that way for a reason. God was molding you. And at the same time protecting you. The man you are today is the result of your childhood. It is to prepare you for your destiny. God loves you. You are obviously meant for something important. When you take his hand you will be given this destiny. He knows you will find him eventually. Thats whats up. God bless you.
March 22nd, 2007 at 9:08 pm
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Sura 19;Maryam
Peace on me the day I was born, and the day I die, and the day I shall be raised alive! (33) Such was Jesus, son of Mary: (this is) a statement of the truth concerning which they doubt. (34) It befitteth not (the Majesty of) Allah that He should take unto Himself a son. Glory be to Him! When He decreeth a thing, He saith unto it only: Be! and it is. (35) And lo! Allah is my Lord and your Lord. So serve Him. That is the right path. (36) 19;Maryam
March 23rd, 2007 at 7:01 am
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It sounds like you have a really good reason to believe in animal totem spirits. I hope you stick to it, and good luck!
March 23rd, 2007 at 9:49 am
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Can’t really help you, I don’t believe in gods, or prayer.
It was a highly enjoyable story though, and the question you raise is a good one.
March 25th, 2007 at 9:49 pm
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i’m an atheist, so my view on this story is that you were dehydrated, sick, and lost. you had a hallucination that seemed real and you happened to get lucky and stumble across a person to help you. the reason you hallucinated coyote instead of jesus is because you associated jesus with your terrible parent and coyote with your loving grandparent. you needed comfort and your mind gave you what was best suited to comfort you. i know that to most people a snapping coyote wouldn’t seem comforting, but most people weren’t brought up in native american culture, which gives more human traits to wild creatures, thus making them a bit less threatening.
i think many religious experiences are hallucinations.
to answer your question, of course you would be more likely to believe in the thing which you had seen rather that the thing you hadn’t.
March 28th, 2007 at 2:09 am
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I prayed to God concerning my business, afterwards it fell apart. I asked God to heal my physical chest pain that I experienced everyday and I still had it. I prayed to God and asked him to help me with college and… I dropped out. I asked God to help me in so many things in life but it seems like He doesn’t hear me. In fact no matter what I do is like turning against me. But when I finally calmed down, did want anything in life except death, that was the time when He actually spoke to me.
March 28th, 2007 at 6:18 pm
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I’m so sorry. That sounds like a terribly bitter, painful experience.
What kind of answer were expecting, all that time when you say Jesus never answered your prayers? He was with you then and He’s with you now. You just need to confess your sins, repent of them, and ask Him to be your Lord and Savior. That means you belong to Him, and He won’t let you get eaten.
You shouldn’t have given up praying. God comes to us on His schedule, not ours.
March 30th, 2007 at 2:39 am
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Did you ever stop and consider that just maybe God brought the coyote to you? There is a sort of parable that goes like this please read it will give you some insight.
there was a man in a flood and was standing on his roof praying that God would deliver him from the flood.
A boat came by and said sir get in you are going to drown.
The man said no my God will deliver me.
A helicopter came by and he was again told to get in or he would drown and again the man replied no my God will deliver me.
later the man drown .
When he got to heaven he asked God why did you not deliver me from the flood like like i asked?
and you know what God’s answer was?
I sent a boat and a helicopter what more did you want?
Sometimes God sends things into our lives and just because he didn’t literally pick you up and bring you to safety personally doesn’t mean he didn’t arrange for the coyote to help you out.
March 31st, 2007 at 11:15 pm
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Dear Andi Gravity ,
Yes, Religon is about a personal relationship with God. God is a Person, He is Supreme, He has none higher than Him. He who made the Cow, Dog, Fox made the coyote also. God is God, because he has No creator. When someone helps you, when you are in distress, remember, that God has sent that person, to help you.
April 1st, 2007 at 6:55 am
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I don’t know, maybe you just got lucky. Just because it’s improbable doesn’t mean it’s a miracle.
Well, at least it makes more sense for you to believe in nature spirits than to believe in the Christian god.
April 4th, 2007 at 9:39 am
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andi..thanks for sharing and this is a serious answer.
why are you questioning what you already know to be true? you certainly don’t need any of us to tell you. (not even counting some never will). like you said…worrisome.
i was raised in my original instructions from sonkwayathison who created me. as such i was always taught to listen with the heart and stay in balance. all things not there and not balanced are no good. we carry our ways inside us..no need for a book or others to tell us.
what people DO is so much louder than what they say.