Do you sometimes feel like food is the enemy? If you’re overweight, the odds are high that you view food with deep suspicion. But even if you’re not overweight, you might have the same dim view. Many normal weighted people do.

Defining food as the enemy can only lead to unhappiness and problems, according to obesity experts. When you think about it, it’s to your advantage to put a friendly face on food because you can’t get away from it. You need food to live. Food is energy and is the fuel that runs our bodies. Food is a necessity – without it we become ill and eventually cease to live. Wanting to eat and needing to eat is not a judgment call, it’s part of being human.

So what does a healthy relationship to food look like? You recognize you have a need for food and you feel good about filling that need. This contrasts to the food-as-enemy viewpoint where your self worth is determined by how little you eat.

You may be surprised to discover that someone with a healthy relationship to food can and does eat healthy food, but also occasionally enjoys a treat food like cake or cookies. The richer, calorie dense foods are actually enjoyed by someone with a healthy relationship to food, and they don’t put themselves down for eating it. Imagine that. It’s when the majority of our food is of the treat variety without substantial nutrition, and when the majority of our enjoyment and comfort comes from food, we’ve flipped to the unhealthy side of the spectrum.

Dr. Caroline Cederquist, bariatric physician and medical director of the Cederquist Wellness Center in Naples, Florida, points out that our relationship with food, be it healthy or not, is often determined by our body chemistry.

“A lot of people in my practice have a constellation of symptoms that we call insulin resistance,” Dr. Cederquist explains. “Insulin is the hormone that gets the blood sugar into the cells to be utilized. If someone is resistant to their own insulin, the body compensates by secreting extra insulin and the extra insulin present in the blood causes the person to change metabolically.

“Insulin aids fat storage and the more insulin you have, the better you store fat.” Dr. Cederquist points out. “I’ve always believed, and now we have scientific proof, that if you are insulin resistant or are a diabetic, you have a lowered thermic effect of food. That means if you’re insulin resistant and I’m not, if you and I eat the same meals with the same calories, I will burn more of those calories than you will.”

Dr. Cederquist explains if someone is insulin resistant and they eat a high carbohydrate meal like a bagel, the bagel is easily digested and quickly turns to sugar. Insulin is then secreted in over abundance. This causes a sharp rise in blood sugar level followed by a dramatic plunge. Ravenous hunger automatically follows this cycle.

“It’s so important to know that you can’t willpower away physiological symptoms, but you can control them by eating in a helpful way,” Dr. Cederquist says. She encourages her weight loss patients to eat small amounts of protein spread throughout the day in order to stabilize blood sugar. She helps patients understand how helpful it is to be aware of the type of carbohydrates they are eating, to eat more fiber and to eat fruit rather than fruit juice in order to keep blood sugar under control.

One of the easiest ways to develop a healthy relationship to food is to eat the types of food that will keep your blood sugar steady so you avoid feeling ravenous. “If you eat sugar when you’re insulin resistant, then you’re going to crave more sugar, “ Dr. Cederquist notes. “This creates a roller coaster effect of your blood sugar level and you have less and less control over your food choices. This erodes a healthy relationship with food because when your body is on a biochemical roller coaster, you truly cannot control your food choices.”

Yet people end up putting themselves down and think they are horrible and without willpower when they feel out of control because their blood sugar fluctuates. Dr. Cederquist emphasizes that it’s not a question of being a bad person or lacking willpower, it’s a question of having a physical reaction to eating food that triggers irregularity in blood sugar levels.

Dr. Cederquist counsels not to view foods as bad or wrong, but rather to focus on foods that will benefit you. Nonetheless, even while her patients are actively losing weight she encourages them to have one meal a week when they eat everything and anything they want, including dessert. She feels it is empowering to view any food as acceptable and none as forbidden, but to keep certain foods as treats and not a regular part of your diet.

The good news is, according to Dr. Cederquist, it’s absolutely possible to develop a healthy relationship with food. She’s witnessed patients making the switch countless times. These patients are slimmer, healthier and happier as a result. Just like you can be!

###

Caroline J. Cederquist, M.D. is a board certified Family Physician and a board certified Bariatric Physicians (the medical specialty of weight management). Dr. Cederquist is the founder of Bistro MD formerly Diet To Your Door, a home diet delivery program that specializes in low calorie gourmet food that is delivered to your home or office. Bistro MD serves as culmination of Dr. Cederquist’s expertise and experience in the world of medical weight loss.



By: Caroline J. Cederquist, M.D.

About the Author:

Have you recently ended a relationship or are you recently divorced? Are you thinking about dating again?

Many times, putting yourself back into the dating scene is a good idea. But how can you know when it is time to start a new relationship?

Here are some questions to ponder:

1. Are you fully over your last relationship, or do you still have hope of reconciliation?

If you still fantasize about getting back with your partner, then you are not truly available for another relationship. Is there really a possibility of reconciliation, or are you making up the possibility? If there really is a possibility, then it is certainly not time to date. If the relationship is really over, then you need to fully accept this before moving on to another relationship. As long as you are in denial about the relationship being over, you are not fully available for another relationship.

2. If your partner has died, do you feel ready for a new relationship?

If you had a loving relationship with your deceased partner, then any time you feel ready is fine. You already know how to have a good relationship, so there is a good chance of having another good relationship when you feel ready for it.

3. Have you fully explored your part of why your relationship ended?

When a relationship goes on the rocks, it is because each partner is contributing to the problems. It is always fairly easy to see what the other person did that caused problems, but much harder to see what you did.

It may be necessary for you to have therapeutic help in understanding your end of the relationship issues. I have been working with individuals and couples for 40 years and I have seen that people tend to repeat the same patterns in relationships over and over unless they do some healing work. Even if, at the beginning, a new relationship looks different from your other relationships, there is a good possibility that it will end up the same.

Most relationships create a system with one person being a caretaker and the other being a taker. These roles can switch in different relationships and around different issues. Unless you heal your tendencies to be a caretaker or a taker, you will continue to create relationship systems that don’t work.

Underneath all relationship dysfunction are control issues. Whether you control with anger, righteousness, blame, judgment, compliance, resistance, or withdrawal of love, until you heal the fear underlying all controlling behavior, you will continue to create relationship problems.

This does not mean that these issues need to be healed before starting a new relationship, but it does mean is that you need to be in the process of healing to have a chance at a good relationship.

4. Do you feel available for a new relationship?

Most people have two bottom-line fears when it comes to relationships: the fear of rejection and the fear of engulfment, which means the fear of losing the other or the fear of losing yourself. These are deep fears that start in childhood and may continue throughout your life, making it difficult for you to be fully emotionally available in a relationship.

These fears do not just go away. Until you develop a powerful loving adult self, you may take rejection personally and not know how to handle loss. Without a strong loving inner adult, you may allow others to control you, giving yourself up to prevent rejection.

Again, these fears do not need to be healed before starting a relationship, but unless you are in the process of healing them and continue to do healing work within a relationship, there is a good chance that you will recreate another unsuccessful relationship.

A relationship is a wonderful arena for healing and growth when both people are devoted to learning to be a strong loving adult. If you are on a devoted healing and learning path, make sure that your new partner is too!



By: Margaret Paul, Ph.d.

About the Author:

In Part 1 of this article, I discussed relationships from the point of view of how people’s energies resonated and how their energies affected a relationship. I also discussed what I call “Learning Relationships.” Please see Part 1 for this information. Let’s continue with Part 2:

Healing and Purpose-Specific Relationships

“Through Love, thorns become roses,

Vinegar becomes sweet wine,

The stake becomes a thorn,

The reverse of fortune seems good fortune,

A prison becomes a rose bower,”…

-Rumi

“The greatest healing therapy is friendship and love.”

-Hubert H. Humphrey

“Until the Real Thing Comes Along”

-Sammy Cahn

Even though I’ve focused thus far on learning relationships in which the dysfunction or problematic resonates, I’d like to add that certainly not all relationships are learning relationships and, additionally, that not all learning relationships are difficult or unpleasant. Aside from true soul mate relationships that most of us aspire to find and be involved in, there are other types of romantic relationships as well. Some of these other non-soul mate relationships may be pleasant, but don’t have a real “charge” to them, so that the people in them feel comfortable, but don’t feel inspired or really in love. The relationship may be pleasant or comfortable and non-challenging, but may also feel bland. I have seen several clients in relationships like this and have found that there is usually a purpose that this type of relationship serves.

One of the purposes for relationships such as this is to provide a healing aspect or soothing or comforting experience for those involved in the relationship. In other words, one or both of the people involved may have been through a particularly difficult or draining relationship or experience, or even a series of such relationships, and the pleasant but bland relationship affords him/her the opportunity to heal from the other relationship(s). This type of relationship, the healing relationship, thus represents a relationship that affords R and R (rest and relaxation). This gives those involved the opportunity to be in a romantic relationship at the same time that they are healing from the draining relationship or experience, rather than attempting to recoup while alone.

I have further seen other positive relationships, which, even though they are still not the true, partner relationship, serve the purpose of “introducing” a person to the qualities and dynamics of a good relationship, while also allowing him/her to re-pattern his/her normal mode of relating. This may be the first positive relationship a person has ever been in, and the situation allows the person to experience the dynamics of a healthy relationship for the first time, while also sometimes gaining practice being in a good and non-dysfunctional intimate relating situation. Thus, re-patterning relationships such as this, even though they’re not with the true soul mate, serve as a mechanism by which one can re-pattern his/her traditional (and often unhealthy) role in a relationship and can learn instead to play a healthier role and experience more positive dynamics.

Another type of positive, but non-soul mate, relationship occurs when two people are going through similar things or are working (either growth-wise or career-wise) on similar issues. In other words, they are paralleling each other in some way with regard to growth or experience. This type of relationship, the paralleling relationship, affords them support, whether explicit, through mutual discussion of what they’re each going through, or implicit, through an unconscious awareness of their shared experiences, as well as insight on the shared issue(s) they’re going through, as they share experiences with each other. Paralleling relationships can subtly give those in them energy, instead of their being in a difficult learning relationship that could drain their energy.

Some relationships may represent a combination of some of these types of relationships. As you can see from these pleasant, but non-soul mate types of situations, relationships will generally come into existence for a reason, whether we’re aware at the time of what that reason may be or not.

In addition, I have also seen people in non-soul mate or -partner relationships for more mundane reasons. They may have a rational, rather than emotional, reason for being in a certain relationship and may decide to be in the relationship out of a rational motivation. In other words, the mind may be engaged in the relationship, but not the heart. This could be, for example, because the person feels that he or she is ready to get married and/or wants children and just looks for someone to marry. I’ve seen some clients come up with a laundry list of what they want in a marriage partner, based upon external or superficial considerations (e.g., makes a certain income, is a certain height, drives a certain car, lives in a certain type of house, even how they look as a couple to others), rather than what the person is really like either on the inside or in habits or personality traits – or even how they feel about them. I have even seen some clients make a decision to marry someone because that person had one attribute that they wanted in a mate (for instance, a calm and steady temperament), irrespective of the fact that they really felt no emotional connection to or love for their future partner. This type of consideration is often a recipe for a future failed relationship, especially when the emotional component is lacking and there is, in its place, a preference for the rational and feeling-less element in the decision-making process.

I have also seen some clients decide to enter into — and doggedly stay in — relationships for financial security, although this motivation may be understandable for women in a society that has traditionally undervalued women economically. Whether one can stay permanently in such relationships depends upon the person and his/her priorities. However, I have often seen clients in relationships such as this who were miserable and whose hearts were crying out for true resonance and connection. The lessons in these relationships may have to do with independence, going to a deeper level, being true to oneself, or any number of other realizations.

Soul Agreements

The highest compact we can make with our fellow is, — “Let there be truth between us two forevermore.”

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

As I continued to explore different types of relationships, I started to question how they came about, especially the major learning ones in which the experiences may have been so unpleasant and the corresponding lessons gained so profound that it felt that there had to be a reason, or mechanism, behind the two people coming together in such a fashion — a reason or mechanism that existed on a higher level than just the “pull” (sexual, emotional, conundrum, or whatever) that was felt on this three-dimensional level. In other words, I felt that there had to be some additional, invisible factor bringing this type of situation about, other than two people whose stuff fit together so intricately and perfectly just meeting each other by chance or randomly — a factor that existed perhaps on a higher level. As I started to ask for insight about this, I began to get information on what I now call “soul agreements.”

A “soul agreement” is an agreement made between souls while not in body (i.e., before the lifetime that the agreement is about) to encounter each other in a lifetime, interact (whether in a romantic, familial, friendship, work, or other type of way), and affect each other in some fashion, usually for learning, sharing, supporting, or otherwise stimulating each other’s growth or unfolding. As with difficult learning relationships, the soul agreement may be to stimulate each other’s working on his/her inauthentic stuff.

There are many different types of soul agreements. For example, some soul agreements exist for just one specific lifetime. I have seen other soul agreements that ran through several lifetimes. I have seen both soul agreements that are for a very specific purpose (as a case in point, that the people involved will meet at a specific time in their lives to accomplish a specific thing) and others that are for more general purposes (for example, that the people involved will have a lifelong acquaintance with each other that is pleasant and mutually beneficial). I have seen soul agreements in which the souls have agreed to always interact throughout lifetimes for the same purpose or lesson and others in which the souls always interact, but the way in which it is expressed and the purpose it serves may vary from one lifetime to another. To illustrate this point, some souls may agree to always interact in an antagonistic way to stimulate each other’s growth, while others may vary the qualitative feel of the interaction over lifetimes, experiencing a congenial connection in some lifetimes and a more abrasive or antagonistic connection in others.

Hence soul agreements are made in the non-corporeal state when we choose and plan our lives and represent a behind-the-scenes factor for our involvement and interaction with others in the here and now, and, because they are mutual agreements on the soul level, there is no “blame” or judgment attached to the interactions, even if they are negative or unpleasant in any way.



By: Diane Brandon

About the Author:

BoomerYearbook.com - December, 2008 - “Happily ever after” is a term which exists only in fairy tales. In real life every relationship has its share of bumps and problems. In fact having occasional arguments is even considered healthy. But if mutual bickering and fights become an everyday phenomenon, then you know your relationship is headed for trouble.

A lot of song writers and poets have aptly said “love just ain’t enough!” Mutual love may be the most important building block of a relationship, but love alone can’t sustain the relationship.  You might love your partner or spouse to death but may still find your relationship battling stormy weather. The reason could be that your relationship has one or more of the following elements missing: trust, open communication, respect, honesty and/or complete commitment. However, if you have the will and desire to make your relationship work, these problems can be sorted out.

How to make your relationship work?

Acknowledge that you have a problem

Blame- game is the common factor in almost all troubled relationships. People tend to get so blinded with anger that they lose their objectivity. Ego of course adds fuel to the fire. Sadly, this raging fire of anger and ego burns down the most vital building block of a relationship- love. It is therefore important that both the partners acknowledge the fact that they have a problem and refrain from finger pointing.

Communicate

Often we don’t share our feelings with our partner/spouse for the fear of hurting them and some times we may avoid speaking our mind in order to avoid an argument.  Continuation of this kind of behavior has the potential to destroy a relationship. Not sharing your feelings will lead to simmering resentment within you and the other person will continue with their life without even realizing that their behavior is hurting you. The result can be an explosion of bottled up emotions, leaving your partner bewildered and deeply hurt.  Open channels of communication are therefore vital for the health of any relationship and remember communication need not always be in an argumentative tone or a high pitched voice.  It’s important to keep your ego aside and communicate your feelings in a loving manner, in order to save yourself and your loved one from pointless hurt.

Relationship counseling

When you are angry or deeply hurt, you may blow small problems out of proportion. Just as love sometimes clouds our objectivity, hurt and anger have a similar effect too. You may be tempted to ask a friend or a close relative to interfere or “make the other person see the sense of your argument”, but remember this approach can easily backfire as friends and relatives may not be objective and biased towards you.  It’s therefore advisable to seek relationship counseling if both you and your partner are open to the idea. You may feel hesitant about confiding in a stranger, but remember a counselor is not just a stranger but a trained therapist. Just like you go to a doctor to treat an illness, you can visit a relationship counselor to treat your ailing relationship.

Clinical Hypnosis

If either of you have a problem with insecurity, jealousy or commitment phobia, the reason could be your past. Clinical hypnosis could help you in this case. Sometimes some past events or happenings may get so firmly embedded in your subconscious that you might end up taking a lot of actions because of those past memories, without even realizing it. Through clinical hypnosis a trained therapist will be able to delve into your subconscious and help you release the memories which are hampering your relationship and re-program your mind.

Positive affirmations

When a relationship is in trouble we tend to indulge in lot of negative self-talk about ourselves and our relationship. Not only does such behavior push the relationship further into the abyss of loneliness it also affects our confidence and desire to make the relationship work. Repeated negative self-talk ends up strengthening our belief that our relationship is beyond repair.  However, if instead of telling yourself how miserable you are and how imperfect your relationship is, if you could focus on making your relationship work, not only will you feel more motivated to bring your love life back on track but you’ll also feel more confident about being able to do it. You can either make up your own affirmations or practice the following in front of a mirror everyday:

“I love and appreciate myself the way I am”

“I deserve to love and be loved”

“I am surrounded by love at all times”

“The universe supplies me with endless love”

“All is well in my world”

Visualization techniques

Have you ever noticed that when you visualize something negative your body and mind start reacting as if you are already facing that situation? For example if you visualize you and your partner/spouse parting ways, you might feel a lump in your throat and your heart may start sinking. If you continue with your negative visualizations your body and mind start unconsciously pushing you in the direction of what you visualize the most. Similarly if you visualize yourself in a fulfilling relationship with your spouse/partner, your body and mind will start preparing you to live those happy images and will push you to push to fruition the visions of a healthy relationship.

These tips and techniques will be able to help you build a healthy relationship only if you and your partner are open to the idea of changing for the better, to make your relationship work.

Want to learn more? Have a comment or situation you’d like to start? Continue your self-help coaching journey at Boomer Yearbook. Please Visit: http://www.boomeryearbook.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=6

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By: SEM Expert

About the Author:

 

A healthy relationship can come naturally to some people—they fall in love and

everything else seems to fall into place. They always seem to get along and rarely

argue. But if this doesn’t happen for you, don’t despair. You can learn (and relearn,

and relearn) to get past the rough spots. A healthy relationship takes time and work.

 

However, it also takes trust—that is, trust in your own feelings, and trusting your

partner with your feelings.

 

Now, what makes a relationship healthy? Good judgment about this requires a three-part analysis: using your mind, heart, and intuition. Use your mind, analyze the qualities of your relationship and determine whether it is healthy.(Take the quizzes in this book to help.) Use your heart and the emotions you have for your mate. And follow your intuition, that gut sense that tells you whether pairing the two of you is “right.” Here, let’slook at the six H’s to a healthy relationship:



1?Honesty. I have asked thousands of men and women in surveys over the years, “What is the most important quality of a lasting relationship?”The number one quality mentioned was honesty. Finances can be shaky,sex imperfect, stress overwhelming, but all those things can be overcome. Trust is essential. If trust is broken, your heart is broken.Everything else seems to tumble down, problems become less tolerable, and compromises less appealing.

 

2. Harmony. The sweetest sounds in music are created when two voices harmonize with one another—one hits a note that is not exactly the same as the other, but blends in perfectly.Better yet, it enriches the first note, filling out the sound. Two people in love similarly make beautiful music together. They don’t need to be the same; in fact, they are more well-rounded when they have differences,like the harmonized musical notes. Their individual choices of notes fit. You make a harmonious duet together.

3. Heart. The heart is the major organ of the body. It pumps the blood supply throughout the body, bringing nourishment. Having“heart” for one another means nourishing each other. Opening your heart to one another exposes your deepest feelings. And connecting your hearts binds you deeply and inextricably.

4. Honor. It’s a word used in marriage vows for a reason. Honoring each other means holding each other in high esteem, considering each other’s needs, and respecting each other—and an even more revered consideration of each other, worshipping each other. This means knowing each other to the core, believing in

each other’s soul, and appreciating each other beyond the physical body.

5?Healing. In ancient India men came to a specially trained female, called a Dakini, to be healed after war. The Dakini helped him clear his mind from the traumas he had been through, so he could reopen his heart and love again

6? Hot. Satisfying, sensuous, and erotic sex can certainly be a part of the healthy relationship equation. Having such a healthy sexual connection can increase your intimacy and bind you closer together.

“If we have our health, and each other, we have everything,” said one lovely woman

to her partner. How well put. That word—“health”—has taken on deeper meaning in

this new age.

Leading eBooks Company

Click to find more about Healthy Relationship



By: wangcan

About the Author:

In Part 2 of this article, I discussed healing relationships and soul agreements. Please see Part 2 for this information. Let’s continue with Part 3, in which we’ll discuss Soul Connections:

Soul Connections

“We cannot live only for ourselves. A thousand fibers connect us with our fellow men; and among those fibers, as sympathetic threads, our actions run as causes, and they come back to us as effects.”

-Herman Melville

Starting to get information on soul agreements led me to continue to explore the concept of relationships on another level and from another perspective. I next began to explore various types of soul connections. Now, the soul connection that we are generally the most familiar with – and desirous of – is the soul mate connection. It is certainly considered to be the most sought-after one, and a relationship with our soul mate is one of the major things in life that many of us yearn for and actively seek. For some, it can be a lifelong pursuit. Indeed, we tend to place so much value on the soul mate connection that we are often unaware of the existence of other types of soul connections that we may have with those whom we may know fairly closely. However, other types of soul connections do exist, at least from the information I have received. So before we discuss soul mate relationships in more detail, let’s look at some other types of soul connections.

At present when I look at relationships in sessions, whether romantic or those with friends, family, work colleagues, children, or others, I will look not just at the energy dynamics or the resonating issues or lessons or soul agreements involved, but also at what the overall soul connections may be. I do this because I have learned that understanding what soul connections there may be on the soul level can give us additional insight into our relationships and their dynamics, as well as into why a relationship may have a certain feel to it or represent a certain type of challenge. I have thus far seen many different types of soul connections and combinations thereof and have been able to sense how they can color the nature of what one experiences in his/her interactions with others.

One type of soul connection I get quite commonly is that the people involved, usually in some type of close relationship, are from the same soul group or same soul family. Although I can not yet completely delineate conceptually what that means in the greater scheme of things, I intimate that the souls in a soul group or soul family may have been created as souls at the same time or in a group (although, given the nonexistence of time on the highest levels, I’m not sure that this makes complete sense) and that these souls thus share a “kinship” not unlike families here on earth. Being from the same soul group or same soul family may contribute to an underlying feeling of closeness between people or to a sense of coming from the same place, a feeling of kinship that can’t be explained by other, more superficial characteristics (family connection here, or race, or background). For some reason that I do not yet comprehend, every time I get a soul group or soul family connection, I always get a visual impression of the numerous souls in the group or family arranged in a circle next to each other. Although I feel that there is some significant meaning attached to this geometric “being in a circle” configuration, I do not yet know what that meaning may be.

I have also, thus far on only rare occasions, seen a variation on this connection of same soul group or soul family. In this variation, I have sensed that two people came from different soul groups or families, but that their souls are so similar that they are like distant unrelated cousins or two expressions of the same complex vibration. Up to this point in time, I have only seen this type of connection in souls that have some sort of inherent and greater than normal complexity, greatness, or potential for it here on earth. It’s as if their uniqueness or rareness meant that there were very few other souls who had a similarity. I’m still in the process of understanding this concept completely and will probably only begin to do so when I encounter more instances of it.

There are other, more common soul connections. Most of these are experienced and expressed in familial terms. I have sensed many soul connections that were those of siblings, whether brother and sister or sisters or brothers. I’ve seen parent to child and even uncle to niece or nephew and cousins. Other soul connections may be more non-familial. A very common non-familial one will be that of teacher or mentor and student. I have also seen soul connections that were those of colleagues, sometimes expressed in a positive and cordial manner and at other times, in a negative or antagonistic manner.

I am still not completely sure what causes or contributes to the particular type of soul connections. The connection of being from the same soul group or same soul family appears to be an inherent connection, coming from the “moment” of creation of souls, as mentioned above. Other types of soul connections, such as those of siblings or teacher/student, feel like they may have been forged through various lifetimes. Indeed, I’ve seen instances in which the soul connection between two people was varied, due to the different roles they had played with each other in different lifetimes; they were (or had been) brother and sister (in one lifetime), but also colleagues (in another lifetime), for example, and others who were (or had been) spouses to each other, as well as parent and child. (These varied soul connections, interestingly enough, will often be felt in the relationship of those involved, so that there is a mixed quality that they feel in their connection or an overlay of different attributes.) Sometimes these soul connections will have an added dimension of hierarchy, in that one of the two people (or souls) has traditionally been the “senior” one or the one with more clout or power.

Interestingly, these flavors in soul connections may change over time. For instance, two souls whose overall connection may have been parent-child, with one always having had power over the other, may find that their connection equalizes over time or even in the space of one lifetime, so that the sense of hierarchy evaporates.

These various types of soul connections will flavor what we experience in our relationships with others and often in a subtle manner. We may feel a particular closeness to a friend, for example, and then learn that our soul connection is that of sisters or brothers. This factor of soul connections helps to explain why we may be feeling some sort of connection with certain people that can’t be explained simply by the present connection or nature of the interaction, or why we may be feeling a certain quality in the relationship that has inherently been there from the very beginning; in other words, why we’ve had a specific feeling from the moment we met someone who has later become a friend that she has always felt like a sister, for example, or even a rival. (It can be very perplexing at times to have a conflicting mixture of qualities in these connections. For example, I’ve known clients who were stymied in trying to understand why a person who was ostensibly a friend somehow also subtly felt like a rival or competitor. Once the soul connections were explored and unraveled, the mixed quality of the relationship made more sense.)

In contrast to connections that may remain somewhat consistent, I will also see, as I mentioned, combinations of these types of connections. For instance, two people may be from the same soul group or same soul family and also be brother and sister or cousins or teacher and student.

The types of soul connections I’ve mentioned tend to be between those we know and interact with over and over again in different lifetimes. This continual interaction over different lifetimes tends to forge a sense of connection that is generally stronger than that which would be felt from interaction in perhaps just one lifetime. This soul “familiarity” may also enable us to feel somewhat safer working out some of our stuff in the framework of a learning relationship that is based on these close connections.

Soul agreements may be made both with people with whom we have soul connections, as well as with others to whom we feel no deep connection. And we may have both pleasant and unpleasant soul agreements from one lifetime to the next with those with whom we have soul connections. The variety and combinations appear to be limitless. Certainly if a person we’re interacting with closely comes from our same soul group and is also someone with whom we’ve had both pleasant and unpleasant soul agreements, we may therefore experience mixed feelings about that person, while at the same time feeling a strong connection with him/her. And, similarly, having a same soul family connection with someone with whom we’ve had problematic or antagonistic soul agreements may help to take the sting out of the overall connection or absolve the more problematic flavor.

Understanding what some of the soul connections and/or soul agreements may be operating in the background, so to speak, between people in relationships can enable us to begin to understand why certain mixed feelings may exist in different relationships and how we can best handle the relationship or interact in it. Interestingly, I have seen several cases in which two people had a general soul agreement to always come together in different types of relationships in order to stimulate each other’s growth, without any residual blame or “hard feelings.” (It’s almost as if there were an agreement to have a built-in “eraser” to eradicate any of the residual mutual bitterness that any of their difficult relationships might engender.) The potential is endless for the variety and types of combinations of connections and agreements we may have with other souls, including what the residual effects may be.

We will usually experience a deeper feeling of connection to someone with whom we have a strong soul connection and, concomitantly, less so to someone with whom we may have a one-time soul agreement. This may explain why we feel an instant connection to or bond with someone we meet or an instantaneous sense of familiarity — that feeling that somehow we know this person we’re meeting ostensibly for the first time. Interestingly, it will often happen that we will meet someone for the first time and feel a very strong soul connection — and then, over time, as we continue to get to know and interact with this person in real time, experience the feeling of the soul connection subside, while the present connection takes precedence.

The soul connections that can encompass diverse types of connections can really complicate some of our relationships. For example, I’ve read clients whose soul connection to one of their children was that of student. In other words, the child was their teacher (over and above the usual way in which one’s children can teach one lessons). This adds another element to the usual relationship of parent-child, with the parent trying to be the wiser and nurturing one!

On the other hand, a combination of soul connections can also add a richness and texture to some relationships that might not otherwise have been there.

Such soul connections generally underlie our relationships with those with whom we interact closely, for example family, friends, co-workers — not to mention romantic relationships. I’ve seen clients who’ve had wonderful relationships with their bosses or supervisors — only for me to find a positive soul connection with the boss as benevolent mentor in previous lifetimes. Conversely, I’ve also seen some difficult work relationships, only to discover an overriding soul connection of antagonism or unpleasant rivalry. I’ve even seen instances of two people whose connection was that of always and consistently being rivals or competing with each other. This is apparently the means that they have chosen on another level to consistently stimulate each other’s growth, which, again, may tend to remove any bitterness.

Soul connections like these can also be confusing in romantic relationships. We will sometimes meet someone with whom we feel a strong soul connection and interpret that to mean that, because there’s a strong soul connection, we’re supposed to be together as romantic partners, whereas the actual soul connection may just be that of being from the same soul group or same soul family. I’ve seen clients who were strongly motivated to be in a particular relationship because they had felt a strong soul connection from the outset with the other person and for this reason thought they were supposed to be together. All the more reason why it’s helpful to know what type of soul connection it may be.

On the other hand, it can also happen that we may sense an initial aversion to someone we meet, just because of an unpleasant soul connection — and this sense of aversion may shift over time as we interact with and get to know the person in the here and now for their present persona and essence. I’ve seen one case in which a client had a strong initial dislike for someone with whom he later became romantically involved. As his initial dislike mutated into a romantic interest, he found himself having dreams of the other person, in which he felt that he was exploring his past life connections with her. In every case, he dreamed of her abusing him in various ways. Interestingly, the present relationship between the two of them was somewhat dysfunctional, but was also a strong learning relationship as well. He ended up learning strong lessons from this relationship that stimulated his personal growth. In this particular case, his initial feeling of aversion was indicative of a difficult soul connection and a foreshadowing of painful interactions. However, he was able to mine great jewels from the experience, even though the other person was not his soul mate.



By: Diane Brandon

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