It is advisable to learn to Love the One you are with for your making up relationship

 

 

 

 

If you have recently come out of a relationship, heed this word of caution. It may be wise to distance yourself from relationships for a while. Take a breather. The tendency of new singles often is quickly to find someone else to be with. Most ministers and mental health professionals agree that that is not a good idea. It is a colossal mistake!

For some people being in a relationship becomes their “drug of choice.” They skip around from relationship to relationship. Some get stuck. They feel as though they always have to be in a relationship. They develop the dependency of “needing” a relationship. That is not healthy. Some people allow their feelings of insecurity about being alone to keep them stuck, often in an unhealthy relationship.

Our former relationships never cease to provide us with new and exciting questions, the answers to which can lead to the breakthrough necessary for a healthy love relationship in the future. The rewards of personal inquiry are invaluable and can assist us greatly in being ready for another relationship when the time is right.

I believe that every relationship we are in serves a definite purpose. It fulfils a need for us as we fulfil needs for someone else. Remember, we should only look back to see how far we’ve come or to see how much we’ve learned. We can look at our past love relationships and focus on the good we learned from them. I must admit that at times this may be difficult.

Spend time working on you. Work on developing your own self as an individual. The one you are with is you! Reinvent a relationship with yourself. Make it a new and exciting relationship; one you can be proud to carry over into your next relationship with someone else. Nobody wants damaged goods.

Allow time for the healing that is necessary for you to feel comfortable with being alone. That is the only way you can learn how to really be with someone else in the future. After coming out of a love relationship, it is normal to feel rather insecure for a while. It takes a while to adjust to your new beginning. The delayed gratification is worth it. One of the rewards is discovering that the more time you take for yourself, the more love you will have to give to your future love partner.

Choose to be alone for awhile. Being independent enough to be alone is a virtue. Cultivate it. When you can learn to be comfortable with being with yourself, then you may be getting closer to being ready for a healthy love relationship with someone else. During this time of aloneness you will discover a clear distinction between being lonely and being alone.

Being alone can help you in getting comfortable about being with yourself. When you are comfortable about being with yourself, your feelings of loneliness will gradually disappear. Spend some time learning to be good company with you. Avoid the self-created fear of being alone. Accept that we do this to ourselves. It can bring no good into our lives. We allow fear to cause us to withhold ourselves from others. Fear breeds insecurities.

It could be said, for example purposes, that even Tarzan, Lord of the Jungle, was insecure. He would swing from vine to vine, not letting go until the next vine was safely in hand. Does this sound familiar? This may make sense when you are in the jungle. When you are swinging high above the ground, your life depends on it. Your life does not depend, however, on always being in a relationship. The need to be always swinging from one love partner to another is not in your best interest. If you are coming from a love relationship, the last thing you need is another one . . . right away, that is. In this scenario, there is no safety in numbers.

We are so afraid of finding ourselves hanging in midair; we latch onto the first available vine that happens along. Not a good idea! Leap into your greatest fear . . . be by yourself for a while. Take a good look at what “hanging in midair” feels like. You may be surprised! You will be okay. It won’t be the end of the world. Although it may feel like it, that feeling won’t last forever.

It is wise to practice intimacy with “self” during your abstinence from relationships. Pray to know God better. Thank him for the courage to get serious about the relationship you have with you. Get to know God. Get to know you. Give yourself the gift of solitude. When you are alone . . . journal. Get in touch with your true feelings. Work on falling in love with yourself for a change and see how great that feels! Be your own significant other. Practice the art of loving you. Take the precious time out that is necessary to rediscover who you are without a love partner.

You must first learn to be alone and happy before you can be together and happy. Learn that it is possible for you to live alone and not be lonely. Discover how to be self-sufficient. Don’t be dependent on others for your own existence.

Know that when you eventually do connect with someone you can love; your happiness will be enhanced by just knowing that being in the relationship is your choice and not something you need or must have to survive. To have found someone you can share your life with is one of love’s ultimate adventures.

Not having a relationship doesn’t keep you all warm and cuddly at night; however, getting yourself ready for a really great love relationship must be your highest priority. Be true to yourself first, it is well worth the wait. Being alone may call up all the feelings you were afraid you would have if you were ever alone . . . and some you could have never imagined. The pain seems to go on and on, though only if you allow it. Healing takes time. Stay with solitude. Don’t be tempted.

 

At the end of your tunnel are love-of-self and the healing love that only God can provide. You must attain this awareness before you can be in a healthy love relationship with someone else. In times like these, when you are alone with your feelings, life can feel empty.

You can gain much insight into the power of your attitudes in the stillness of looking inward. Your body believes every word you say. Your words and thoughts govern how you feel today and how you will feel tomorrow. A quiet and peaceful mind takes form as a quiet and peaceful body. Peace, be still.

See what it feels like to walk hand in hand with you. Give yourself permission to do what may feel risky. Discover new ways of thinking and being. To allow intimacy to be present in a relationship with another, you must first seek intimacy with yourself. Some of our clearest thinking about relationships can occur when we are not in a relationship. Our mind is often sharper when informed by our own feelings. We are more humble and acutely more in touch with the hurts of the past. We are far more open to new ideas.

Take advantage of this opportunity to learn all you can about yourself and what makes a healthy love relationship. It is in the search for what it takes to have a healthy love relationship that we become more receptive to listening for new ways to make our relationships work better in the future. The very process of searching opens up many new options. Make having a relationship with yourself your number one priority. Then, and only then, can you move on to what’s next!

 

Indeed, life is short. Don’t let another day go by without taking a chance on happiness. You will never know until you try, so remember to make a move today. It can change or affect the rest of your life, therefore, at the very least, you can try to come out something for your ex love partner during your weekend plans. With a little practice, perseverance and patience, I believe that your relationship could be enhanced with the tips that I have shared earlier. If you have faced any problems with your loved ones, do not hesitate to visit this piece of article again.

 

 

I really have a strong belief that if you can understand what I have explained and applied what you have learnt from this piece of article, your problems can be eventually solved and your making up relationship can become more stable and stronger. I wish all the best for your making up relationship with your partner. Do always remember to spread word of mouth to your fellow friends for supporting the decision of having making up than breaking up.

 

 

 

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By: dhlim88

About the Author:

A long distance relationship can be terrifying. I was in a long distance relationship twice with the same woman. I went on to marry this woman and live in the same city. I was a failure in a long distance relationship, and I was a success in a long distance relationship. My long distance relationship was heart breaking at times, and it was amazing at times. Let me explain the 5 key areas to having a successful long distance relationship.

1. Emotions in a Long Distance Relationship

Handling your emotions in a long distance relationship can be very difficult. A long distance relationship is very different from a same-city relationship. When you’re in a long distance relationship, you have to read more into the words and actions of your partner.

2. Methods of Communication

A long distance relationship has different methods of communication. My first long distance relationship in 1994, was just the telephone. I spent $300 a month on long distance telephone calls. This was the main reason the long distance relationship failed - we couldn’t justify the costs.

With the Internet you can have a long distance relationship for free using programs like MSN. Textual chat is one way, voice chat (like an audio conversation) is another, and best of all is video chat (face to face communication using web cameras). My 2nd long distance relationship with the same woman used MSN and web cameras for video conferencing. It was amazing to see each other every night. You could see the emotion in your partner’s face - it was the main reason our long distance relationship was successful the time around.

3. Growing Together While Living Apart

Using programs like Skype, or MSN can allow you to grow together in your long distance relationship. It’s essential to make the connection and make the most of your valuable communication time. Having a face to face conversation, sharing instant messenger messages, cell phone text messages, email messages are just some of the ways you can grow together with your partner in a long distance relationship.

4. Potential Problems and Mistakes

There are potential problems and mistakes in a long distance relationship. The biggest problem is ‘misunderstanding’. In my 2nd long distance relationship, I relied on email and cell phone text messaging for the majority of my communication - I would misread text a lot of the time.

Text has no emotion, like in an email, or a cell phone text message. There aren’t enough smileys or emoticons to describe one’s feelings. Text is just black on white, very faceless, and I found I would misinterpret a message. That little voice inside my head would play on it.

My biggest piece of advice is to not let your heart-strings be tugged by text. Take it at face value in context of the rest of the message or messages, and trust in yourself that everything is fine. You’ll be able to clarify the conversation when you speak with your partner face to face later in the day or evening.

5. How to Keep your Long Distance Relationship Interesting

Keeping your long distance relationship interesting is essential. Sharing the conversation is crucial. On average a person listens for 17 seconds before interrupting. Listen twice as much as you speak. Show your respect and admiration for your partner by sharing the conversation.

My partner and I would play online games together through MSN or other web sites. We’d share photo and news stories with each other. There was always a things to do with each other. Communicating online opened so many doors for keeping the long distance relationship interesting.

Conclusion

So if you’re not sure whether you’re ready for a long distance relationship, ask yourself these questions:

1. Am I willing to make the time to communicate with my partner

2. Do I have the tools (MSN, Webcam, Headset, Microphone) to have a long distance relationship online

3. Am I emotionally equipped to have a long distance relationship, where I may not speak with the person every day, and where I may have to rely on email or text messaging for my emotional needs

If you can answer Yes to these 3 questions, you are certainly ready for a long distance relationship. A long distance relationship can be one of the most rewarding love relationships.

A long distance relationship builds emotions at a different levels and in different areas of the relationship than a usual same-city relationship. If you can survive the distance, you can have a successful long distance relationship. Best of luck to you!



By: Rob Dunsmuir

About the Author:

Relationships of all kinds are regularly perceived as very delicate things especially with the parents that demand remedy power to assert. However, a relationship can also be something that can offer wellbeing and be long lasting although many trials.

Building competent and lasting relationships with parents is an essential for numerous reasons. For example in a family, the well-being of the family members depends on how useful and useful the members workings.

An ineffective any of family members can truly be very frustrating. A valuable family can also ask so much on the members, that sometimes the members would be having no life scarce the stockade of the sphere where they work or sacrifice the other aspects of the life just to collect and problem the parents. For family members with this kind of scenario, relationships can be stressed or suffer from breakdown if only specific qualities works on it.

Family is a web of relationships, which requires all parties to work and contribute their stake to achieve a public goal. Having a relationship that is good, where cooperation and manner are manifested, can make citizens work better. In this way each element works for the good of the unbroken and towards achieving a common goal which is to concern for the parents. This can only be attained with capable and efficient relationships.

Understanding parents affection and positioning manually in the right way creates an operative and efficient relationship. The easiest reasoning to understand what is important to your parents is to ask them what they want and eavesdrop to what they have to say. When the surplus of the family realizes this, they would feel the importance given to them.

Effective and efficient relationships with parents hardship family members openly to state their feelings and positions on all matters related on the relationship. If the family members understand the needs of parents will leads into better family environment.

Respect is the key to relationship. To spawn a more actual relationship with parents, all should treat one another with point. We can show sense towards parents just by listening to them and by tiresome really to understand how and what they want. You can also show recognize your parents by confirming that they burden everything they can.

Respect parents are the very foundation for a great relationship. This also means respecting yourself and respecting others.

Another key fielded in forming an actual relationship is to tackle differences of the parents openly. Differences between parents are extremely interesting. This is because they will achieve that you are focusing on them that will generate strange kind of suspicion what we called LOVE.

Love is not something we asking for it or easily creating it for the sake of something. Love is something within you. Love is something you hardly expressing it with your terms. Love is something where parents and you acknowledge that the relationship is important. That faction would then exert more time, sweat and energy to understand the parents needs and covenant with it to get it out of the way. Should they fail, it is comforting for parents will know that you tried.

Effectively listening and no prejudging is the key successful relationship this is important for you to understand that. Parents always judging you based on something. This is the spirit of parents the looking improvements in your life.

They pass out issues and concerns comfortably. They also feel more relaxed making them think more clearly.

Developing an atmosphere where the parents can explicit their feelings when they need to. When parents fast anything is on their brains or their feelings, it can get in the way of house an effective relationship.

Relationships are important to someone, addressing issues and troubles right away is a must to extra farther the relationship.



By: Julia Solomon

About the Author:

Finding a person online that intrigues you enough to pursue an online relationship is difficult. Once you have found that person you need to revisit the age old issues of developing that relationship. In many respects, some may say that online relationships are easier then in person relationships. But, in reality it is pretty much the same, just a little bit more removed. Dating tips are essentially the same, but they are a little more subtle then if you are face-to-face.

Safety

Even if the person sounds fantastic online you must be aware that there are some people out there that are being all you want them to be, but with ulterior motives. The very first piece of online dating advise is to not to give the person on the other end any numbers like telephone or PIN numbers regardless of how good they sound.

Be honest with yourself

Relationship advice is always a bit suspect because we are all a bit different. Dating advice from one person to another only reflects that one person giving the dating advice and not necessarily how it applies to you. Always take advice on dating and apply it, with modification, to who you are. Don’t fudge about who you truly are, it will only come back to haunt you later on.

Slow and steady

One dating tip for a quality online relationship is to take it slow. Some might more aptly call this dating tip the restriction of to-much-information (TMI.) You do not need to have an online relationship develop 100 percent in one or two weeks. Let the personal information out slowly. A little mystery will go a long way to building the relationship.

Inflection

This particular piece of online dating advice is one item that requires a bit of work. Voice inflection when online is lost. Inflection is one of those things that we really take for granted. Quite a bit of meaning is lost without it. If you are sarcastic (like me) you can quickly lose somebody on the other end if they don’t know how the words are intended. This is one of the reasons that the LOL and smile face type notations have come about. The problem is, many people find these notations a bit “cutesy.” The online dating advice here is to use words to explain your inflection rather then symbols. So, if sarcastic, simply insert (sarcasm) into the text or use uppercase (OH BOY!!!) for very happy or (OH BOY) for can you believe what he did.

Conversation

Most people say that the art of conversation is dead. In a certain sense this also applies to online dating. Using text abbreviations and assumptions make online relationship building even more impersonal then it already is. This particular piece of online dating advice could be applied to regular relationship building as well. Use simple but descriptive whole worlds to describe what you are discussing. The right word will say quite a bit about who you are. For example: I like kayaking because of the way the paddle slips into the calm water works better then paddling is relaxing. You will come off as a bit more refined rather then just another person online.

Don’t impose

This is perhaps the hardest piece of advice for dating online to get used to. It is so easy to use a word that imposes a thought, belief or need onto another person without even knowing that you are doing it. If there is one thing that will stop an online relationship dead in its tracks it is imposing yourself on another. Once your online relationship progresses a bit you may loosen up a bit with this piece of relationship advice but until then always defer to the other person in the way you phrase a sentence. Make sure you make it known how you feel, but be sure that the wording reflects the other person’s ability to disagree or agree.

Be positive

Nobody likes a “gloomy Gus” when they get online. They really don’t want to be in an ongoing relationship with such a person, unless they happen to be a gloomy Gus. Stay up beat when you are writing with your online friend. Sure, everybody has their down days, and that is fine to share. It shows that you are becoming comfortable with that person. If there starts to be a pattern, however, you may want to assess what is going on with yourself personally or with a friend but there is really no need to share it online. If your assessment leads to a life change for the better…well, that is a great thing to share. Relationship advice or not, good news is a turn on for most.

Be open ended

Just about everybody has heard the phrase “leave them wanting more.” This holds true for online dating. You might think about your daily online conversations or your longer term relationships as a multi-course dinner. Always leave the person salivating for the next course. One of the better ways to do this is ask a question or two that requires a little thought or research. This will let them have something to bring to the table for your next conversation. This would also apply to you. Indicate that you will look into something and let them know what you find the next time you write.

Meeting for the first time

The big piece of online dating advice here is to meet in a busy place. All the online chat in the world won’t substitute for the first meeting and a true assessment. Try to stay relaxed. Listen, but be able to carry the conversation. Stick to areas where you can find help quickly. Call me a bit of a cynic but safety first.

Most importantly be yourself

How many times have you heard that one? Fortunately or not, the statement does ring particularly true for online relationships. A certain amount of “you” will seep into the online relationship whether you like it or not but try for being true to yourself all the time. Faking who you are will doom the relationship, unless you really didn’t want an online relationship in the first place. If you swear quite a bit in life, go for it (just use symbols so as to not offend to much.), if you happen to be one of those folks that dots their “I’s” with a heart go for that as well. Be who you are and the need for online relationship advice will go away fairly fast.



By: Robert

About the Author:

One thing is certain if you are reading this, you have, at some time in your life, found yourself single, alone and looking for someone to love. When you are part of the Lonely Hearts Club, you hope against all hope that you will finally meet someone who will fit the bill and bring you back to happiness again. So you go on-line and subscribe to a dating site, singles group or register in the personal relationships section of a newspaper or magazine.



You start out eagerly filling in your personal details and writing your ‘profile’. It proves much more difficult than you thought it would. How to describe yourself without seeming arrogant, bigheaded, or just brash, is a nightmare exercise. The more modest amongst us struggle to write a paragraph not knowing what to put in and what to leave out, especially if they bring a sensitive, shy or self-conscious nature to the table. Sounding interesting can often turn into a list of ‘dare-devil’ antics that could drive people away, so what is a person to do? Adding a photograph is fraught with dangers. Which one to choose? Many people are so self-conscious that they just leave them out. Others put up a photo of themselves which represents how they like to think of themselves, only you are left to find out that the photo was taken some twenty years ago when you finally get to meet.

 

Then there are those who fit the other extreme. Over confident, they sound so wonderful, have achieved so much. Secretly you feel that they just wouldn’t want to know you unless you are able to match their characteristics and qualities. And yet, they look so good in their picture, tanned, fit, and wonderful that you long to make contact, and do.

 

You are not surprised when they don’t reply. This just feeds your feelings of low self worth and self-hatred and you give up trying for a while until the reminder that your membership is about to expire draws you back online again.

 

So how can you shorten the odds and make meeting someone much more rewarding and successful? First of all, you need to build up your confidence by realising just what it is you have to offer someone, and learning how to get that across.

 

Next, you have to learn some rules about building charisma and developing rapport, so that every time you contact someone, every time you meet you can turn that event into a successful outcome, and your new found friendships into lasting relationships.

 

For example, when you put up your photo make sure that you are smiling. When you smile you show the most balanced aspect of your ****** features and you look warm and friendly, do so with pride. There are many people out there who look far worse than you do and have a lot less to offer. When you write your profile, offer honesty in what you say about yourself and your life. Remember, everyone is looking for love. If people are looking for a trophy they are just not the kind of person who will bring you happiness.

 

Make a list of things you do well and choose one favourite activity to talk about. Chat to people online as if they are in the same room as you. Relax, play some nice music and think about something good that happened to you recently and your whole writing manner will improve. You will convey something of yourself, of that feeling and that moment to the other and you will seem approachable, someone who would be nice to be with. When you meet, smile. Learn the secrets of building rapport and how to use non-verbal behaviour to the max. If you practice skills in knowing what to say and when to say it, what to do and when to do it, you will have a far greater success at building relationships. Everyone can learn how to choose a mate that is right for them, how to turn a conversation into a friendship and how to turn a friendship into a lasting relationship. All they need to do is know how.



By: Angela Saunders

About the Author:

Did you know that there are always 4 people in a relationship, not just the usual two? Knowing this can help you understand a lot about relationships:

•   why you have those brief, frustrating, and dead-end relationships

•   how a great relationship can, without apparent cause, suddenly turn into such a downer

•   why it’s so difficult to talk with someone even though they seem wonderful

•   why it’s so difficult to have a meaningful conversation with your significant other

•   why asking someone for a date requires so much courage.

For those of you who are married, you’re probably thinking the other two people in your relationship are your in-laws. Well, they may be trying to insert themselves into the relationship, but that would mean there would be 8 people fighting for their place! So, let’s just concentrate on a relationship between you and one other person.

Carl Jung said that getting a better grip on understanding the difficulties between men and women begins by accepting that we are androgynous. Androgyny is a Greek term made up of two words: andros and gynos. Andros means “male” and “gynos” means “female.” So, if we are androgynous, then whether we are physically male or female, we each contain an invisible opposite. In other words, a man while expressing physically as a man has an invisible female or “feeling nature.” A woman while expressing physically as a woman has an invisible male or “thinking nature.”

So, in any relationship between the sexes, there are actually four people involved. Two visible and two invisible. Many of your relationship problems can come from the fact that you are not aware that you have an internal and invisible partner who is nonetheless REAL! And, your invisible partner expects to be nurtured just like you do.

When you hear people say that a man should get in touch with his feminine or a woman should embrace her intellect, this is more than mere fancy. It is based on the truth – on how important this relationship is between you and your invisible partner.

GETTING IN TOUCH WITH YOUR OPPOSITE

Why is getting in touch with your opposite so important? No matter what kind of relationship you are in –marriage, dating, friend, co-worker - it doesn’t matter. They are all influenced by the quality of the relationship you have with your invisible opposite.

How does this work? Well, any part of the relationship you have with your invisible opposite that you’re unaware of or refuse to accept will be projected into the relationships you have in the world. In other words, you see these attitudes as coming from out there rather than from inside your mental world.

Now these projections are strong psychic energy, and they can be of a positive or a negative nature. They exhibit such powerful energy that you will swear the object of your affection or the object of your disgust is out there and you know his or her name. Of course, the relationship you have with an inner opposite ranges in intensity.

In the extremes, if you are a man and have a negative relationship with your inner opposite, your projection will cause you to see the woman in your relationship as a witch. If your projection is positive, she will seem to be a goddess or an angel. For a woman with a negative relationship with her inner opposite, the male recipient of her projection will be a demon. If her projection is positive, she will see him as a knight in shining armor, her savior.

The ability of the invisible opposite to project itself outward explains why people can fall head over heels at first sight. Falling in love like this is almost always caused by a person projecting a positive opposite onto some other person. Our divorce rate is close to 50%. I believe this happens because rather than two real people getting married, two projections get married. When the façade caused by the projection falls away the marriage ends.

Romeo and Juliet are a good example of this type of projection. They were each projecting the highest view of a positive invisible opposite onto each other. No human can, for very long, live up to the standard set by such a powerful psychic projection. Sooner or later, the illusion fails, and they fall out of love as dramatically and quickly as they fell into love. These kinds of relationships are not grounded in reality. Can you imagine Romeo and Juliet dealing with diapers?

THE REAL PURPOSE OF YOUR RELATIONSHIPS

To say that relationships are complex is a huge understatement. I don’t have all the answers but I want to offer you a way of looking at them that may help you see that the struggles between the sexes has a much deeper purpose than just getting along. While the relationships between men and women seem so important on a human level, they are meant to serve a much higher purpose on a spiritual, psychological level. Seeing this higher purpose makes the difficulties much more reasonable and meaningful.

The only real, lasting purpose of earthly relationships is to give each individual involved the opportunity to bring themselves into a state of complete harmony with their invisible partner.

When we come to this planet, the relationship with our invisible opposite is in various stages of antagonism. Interestingly, we are totally unaware that our invisible opposite exists and that our primary responsibility is to develop a loving relationship with it.

Let me recount an ancient myth that illustrates this concept of invisible partners. According to the story, there was a time when beings were shaped like spheres. These spherical beings had four arms, four legs and two heads facing in opposite directions. These beings developed tremendous power and made the gods envy and fear them. So the gods cut the spheres in half and scattered them around the planet to divide their power. It is said that when two of these halves find each other, they are joined in a bond of love and harmony.

Most of the time people think this is referring to finding a “soul mate.” But what the myth is really illustrating is the power you have when you become “at one” with your invisible partner. When this happens, your thoughts (the masculine) and your feelings (the feminine) are in harmony. This harmony enables you to be the fully functioning, creative being you were meant to be.

This is the planet of lesson. Learning to be in harmony with the sum total of what you are is called being in love with yourself. Love is the glue of the universe. It is the harmonizing magnetic force that draws like things together. You attract what you are, not what you want. The more harmony and love you have within yourself the more you attract its likeness in the world of your relationships.

So, if you’re having trouble in a relationship, consider how you feel about your invisible partner. Perhaps you’re projecting your own insecurities about your feminine or masculine nature onto others. If you have trouble talking with the opposite sex, maybe you’re avoiding dealing with your inner opposite. If you’re sitting across the breakfast table from someone and you feel a subtle dread and an emptiness, it may only be mirroring the relationship you have with your invisible opposite. If you’re timid about asking for a date or fearful of accepting one, you may just be afraid to get involved with either your feelings or your thoughts.

No one ever said relationships are easy, but it helps to know that there are 4 people contributing to the quality of a relationship – not just two!

 



By: John Dean Williamsen

About the Author: