“My husband had been physically and emotionally abusive since even before we married. I think I became addicted to the drama of it.”

These were the first words that K. told me during our initial Online Counseling session. “At night when our children sleep I would feel trapped unable to leave without waking them and risk letting them knows what was happening.” She continued.

Sometimes, as a Life Coach and Marriage Counselor, the most important thing to do is listening. Couples or individuals come to you hoping to find a kind voice and an open ear. K. seemed very much at this point where she just needed someone she could talk to. As a Psychologist, it is understood that this is an excellent place to be at as it reveals a self-realization about ones self and the situation they’re in.

As K. Continued to talk about her relationship I listened closely and supportively to what she had to say: “My husband and I have been married for nearly 10 years. This is my second marriage and his first. Over the course of 8 or so years there have been probably 50 or so incidents of physical aggression from him just shoving me up to him actually repeatedly hitting me. Many times this would occur after he had been drinking. Numerous times he would even go out on a drinking binge after work and just not come home.” K., in a somewhat shaky voice continued to tell me.

As K. spoke she seemed to relax slightly. I visualized her as someone who after a long hard period of traveling was able to take off their load and relieve themselves of a heavy burden. Soon she continued with her story becoming more at ease as she went. “I am ashamed to admit my main reason for not divorcing is money. I also feel a little ashamed that this would be my second divorce and I worry about how that would affect our children.” K. confided in me. “I deeply loved my husband when we were first married.  I still love him and worry about him if we divorce. I don’t know how to be in love with him anymore and I don’t know how to want it to work like he seems to want. I don’t know why I can’t pull the trigger and just end it, or suck it up and take him back and try again.” K. told me.

At this point although I knew most of the details concerning the history of the abusive relationship I was not sure I completely understood the current context of this marriage. “Are you and your husband still together?” I inquired. “He… ah, he moved out a week ago and went to live with a friend.” She answered me in a somewhat quieter voice.

K., I said, there was no good ‘quick fix’ Relationship Advice reply for your situation. Quite honestly, there was no simple solution to such a very complex situation like yours. I advised her that Marriage Counseling that take some weeks and months, was very much needed if there was to be any chance of her relationship building itself back together again.

Internally I had numerous questions rushing through my head. Many, I knew would have to wait for the appropriate time. I did have one question, as a Marriage Counselor, that absolutely needed to be answered before we could continue to go any further: Do the both of you, do you think, want to try to make the relationship work? I asked her. I needed to see how much, if any, motivation was still left with K. and her estranged husband long experience. “I, I just don’t know. I mean I want to try to make it work, it’s what’s best for the kids I think.” She answered me. As a Psychologist, I listened to what she DID NOT SAY; she did not mention HERSELF. I then new that K. was not yet ready… Another process had to be called for, prior to ant Marriage Counseling attempt.

I therefore assured K. that since I’m not a lawyer, I was not going to replace her decision making process and try to produce the answers for her. It was my place as a Psychologist and a Life Coach to try to facilitate the process of EMPOWERING her decision making, allowing her to boost HER ability to produce the best possible outcome through HER own personal choices and decisions. It was my job therefore to help her continue on the path she had herself finally chosen to start. Communicating with her husband had to wait.

I advised K., that it was my opinion; that prior to re-constructing her marriage / family life she need first to start an internal dialogue with herself and only thereafter with her husband. This situation that she found herself in definitely required an on-going professional Marriage Counseling but the relationship issues were just too complex and she was too weak. Furtheremore, I wanted to make certain that she understood therefore that a one time detailed Relationship Advice (free or as a paid service) would not be the right remedy.

Through an ongoing Online Marriage Counseling program, including both joint and individual sessions, K. and her husband managed to reconcile and were able to have a much more fulfilling and nurturing family and personal relationship.



By: Dr. Joseph Abraham

About the Author:

Personal relationships can be seriously compromised by a continuing sexual problem. Such sexual dysfunction can cause terrible distress and can disrupt or even spell the end of personal relationship, regardless of which partner has the problem. Sexual dysfunction may be caused through physical problems but anxiety will often aggravate the dilemma.

Sexual relationships are never entirely simple but they are very important and a source of much happiness for those in long term relationships. Many things, both physical and psychological, can go wrong and can threaten the fibre of the relationship if not dealt with in a proper manner.

It is important for people to have some knowledge of what can impact on failure to achieve satisfactory sexual fulfillment. Such things can be caused by physical problems on the part of either partner or may be psychosomatic. Whatever the case, the problem affects both partners as such a relationship involves intense emotions and other mental factors. Factors such as faulty expectations, poor communication of sexual needs, ignorance, and concern over ability to perform can affect sexual function and satisfaction.

Male Sexual Dysfunction

Male dysfunction is most commonly in the form of the inability to achieve an erection or the inability to maintain an erection sufficiently to allow normal intercourse. This condition is known as impotence and can cause great distress to the male, not only because it prevents satisfying sexual intercourse but also because many men think it indicates a lack of masculinity.

Most men suffer episodes of impotence at some time and these episodes are almost always of a psychological origin. Very few are attributable to disease and those cases that are, are usually among older men. Psychogenic impotence happens quite often because of performance anxiety. However, the majority of women do not place a great deal of importance on the occasional episode of impotence and are usually sympathetic and understanding rather than critical of their partner. They do not normally see it as a deficiency in the man’s masculinity. Sometimes, organic impotence can be helped by drugs like Viagra. In fact, it was only when Viagra was introduced to the market, the true prevalence of erectile dysfunction was revealed.

Premature ejaculation, as its name implies, is when the male orgasm happens too early, thus depriving both partners of sexual satisfaction. This can even happen before penetration and is normally due to excessive excitement. This is fairly common in inexperienced men but will settle down as they become more sexually skilled.

There is also a condition called Priapism that is potentially dangerous to the man. It is a rare condition in which the erection does not subside after he reaches orgasm. It is important that he seek immediate treatment as the blood in the penis will usually clot after about four hours, forming damaging internal scar tissue. The condition is usually treated by draining the blood under anaesthesia. Priapism has been known to be caused by drug abuse.

Another disorder of the penis is Peyronie’s disease of which the cause is unknown. This disorder is characterized by a thickening and rigidity of tissue, resulting in a bend in the penis on erection. This can interfere with normal intercourse by causing discomfort to both partners. It may also prevent sexual intercourse from happening at all. The condition is often helped by steroid injections but surgical removal of the thickened areas is usually needed.

Female Sexual Dysfunction

Due to unrealistic expectations, many men see women who fail to achieve orgasm as being frigid. However, this often occurs because of a lack of affectionate expression by the partner, or a lack of sexual understanding and skill. Of course, there are other causes such as fear of pregnancy, recent childbirth, dyspareunia (pain during intercourse), and some prescription drugs. Drugs prescribed to treat conditions such as depression, insomnia, or high blood pressure can prevent female orgasm. Approximately ten percent of women will never achieve orgasm and around half never experience orgasm during sexual intercourse due to insufficient foreplay. Men often see the lack of female orgasm as a criticism of their own masculinity.

Additional Sexual Problems

Dyspareunia is the medical terminology for painful sexual intercourse which may be of physical or psychological origin. For instance, a woman who has recently had an episiotomy repair following childbirth will suffer from dyspareunia if she engages in sexual intercourse too soon. It may also be caused by infections in the uterus or the vagina or from rare congenital defects in the vagina.

Pain can also be psychological and can be experienced because of fear or anger. It can also be an instinctive tactic to avoid unwanted sex. There is also an extreme condition called vaginismus which is an involuntary rejection of sexual intercourse and is difficult to treat.

Sexual Therapy

Those who suffer from any of the conditions mentioned may benefit from a referral to a therapist who will discuss treatment and options.

Therapy can help couples overcome their fears of communicating sexual needs and their fear of rejection by their partner by using behavior therapy such as sensate focusing. This is generally a set of exercises that teach the partners to enjoy general body sensuality without intercourse. These exercises encourage a couple to enjoy body contact and sexual versatility and can help to overcome shyness which is sometimes still felt after many years of being together.

Sexual intercourse is far more than a way of reproduction and includes intense emotions of attraction, love, and desire. These emotions generally begin in adolescence. When a loving bond is formed between two partners, it is important to look after that bond in any way possible.

Anne Wolski has worked in the health and welfare industry for more than 30 years. She is a co-director of http://www.magnetic-health-online.com and http://www.betterhealthshoppe.com which are both information portals with many interesting medical articles. She is also an associate of http://www.timzbiz.com which features many articles on internet marketing and resources.



By: Anne Wolski

About the Author:

We desire to be in a happy relationship. However, we know little about how to be happy in our relationships. Seldom do we find a person claiming to know the tricks of how to be happy with his relationship perpetually. Our demands from our relationships are never ending. Our wants are not steady and we seek new goal everyday. Thus, our fluctuating desires prevent us from being completely happy. It is a vicious cycle, which leads to more confusion and sometimes depression.

We choose to be happy or not to be happy. Therefore, we should maintain transparency in our relationships and appreciate every moment that we have with our friends, family and fellow beings. The most crucial criteria of how to be happy is to work towards keeping the relationship healthy. But, this target cannot be achieved alone. Everybody involved in the relationship has to co-operate with each other to make their relationship successful.

Be it in any relationship, the most common complaint today about unhappiness is the lack of effective communication. Whether it is a formal relationship between a boss and subordinates or the co-workers or an informal relationship between friends, family and loved ones. The thoughts and demands of person often do not get across clearly. We have lost the knowledge of how to be happy. There lies a huge gap between the actual idea and the message sent across. A lot gets overlooked due to the lack of patient hearing. It not only helps us in understanding each other better but also makes the communicator feel important.

Happiness can be the simplest thing to achieve. Unfortunately, we have forgotten how to be happy. Man has made tremendous progress in the last two hundred years, and our lives have suddenly morphed into a fast paced race to outwit and win over one another. We are constantly competing with each other even in the simplest of relationships that we share like friendship or love. If we have to learn how to be happy, we have to learn to love unconditionally. Trust, respect, appreciation and patience are vital aspects of a relationship. Once both the people in a relationship are happy, they would discover how to be happy in a relationship.

Happiness in relationships does come from the knowledge of how to be happy. We often tend to be neglectful about our personal relationships due to the demands of our profession. We must remember that to be happy with our lives we should be dedicated equally towards our career as well as our personal lives. Happy relationships can only be achieved when we actively search how to be happy together and strive towards it. Read about it more in interesting and useful ebooks at Online Dating Ebooks.



By: Carole Parker

About the Author:

You may be wondering why I am discussing the financial crisis in a newsletter about relationships! Don’t worry, I have not lost the plot… what is happening at the moment in the world of banking can be related back to some fundamental emotional problems and the way that we try to compensate for these through materialism. We can therefore learn a great deal about our relationships and how to avoid the equivalent to the credit crunch in our personal lives.

The problems we have seen in the financial world have affected us all. We will all pay a price for the imbalances that have been allowed to develop around excessive amounts of unsecured borrowing. In short we have been living way beyond our means and the system has caught up with us. Somehow we thought that wealth and material success would make us happy. Perhaps we thought that a bigger and better house or flashier car would be the answer. We haven’t notice it, but the developing word has been paying a price for our greed for many years and now we must also face up to reality.

We can use the Psychology of Vision model to understand what has gone wrong - in fact it has been predicting the sort of problems we are facing now for years. We can understand them as an example of Independence. As individuals we become Independent to avoid being Dependent on other people for our success and happiness. Underlying this is a subconscious decision to never rely on another person again so that we cannot be let down and hurt as we were in the past. This fear of dependence comes from our earliest experiences in our original families whenever bonding is disrupted. In such situations we often take on guilt and develop low self-esteem for having failed significant people in the family - usually our parents and siblings.

Rather than feel our guilt and sense of failure we decide to avoid such close relationships with people and at the same time suppress our emotions so that we can never feel that dependent again. In work and life we will begin to replace the intimacy and love within close relationships with money and material goods. We try to control others to bring us the material success that we want and to make sure that our fear and guilt is never triggered through failure. Everything we do to achieve success involves things outside us rather than trying to find contentment within - this is the crux of the problem and has led to the credit crunch.

Any early successes as an Independent just encourages us to greater Independence - it seems to be the strategy for happiness. The more we get, in terms of money, power and influence, the happier we conclude that we will be. This is what has happened in a collective way in our society. We have used our material wealth to distract us from the inner quest - both emotionally and spiritually. We have assumed that we can succeed without emotionally meaningful, intimate relationships and have used materialism to distract us from the need to heal our fears and insecurities. The economic growth in the last 10-15 years has allowed us to maintain the illusion that we can borrow and spend our way to happiness.

This Independence has created some very unpleasant behaviours. Our Independent ego’s can be terribly selfish and greedy. We may criticise the bankers for their obscene bonuses, but the truth is that many of us have invested in what was a burgeoning housing market or searched out the most lucrative investment returns. I have had to eat humble pie myself as I find my savings frozen in an Icelandic bank! The reason we can act in such a greedy way is because Independence destroys empathy. With our emotions suppressed we stop feeling the consequences of our selfish behaviour and actions. We stop caring about other people and just look after number one. This is how the banking industry took such ridiculous risks - they had become blind to the consequences of their actions and in any case knew that somebody else would bail them out if it all went wrong. Of course for every winner in a commercial deal there is always a loser. Most of us would rather not think about the people who suffer. Even the plant has taken a hit - our rampant industrialisation may have made our lives more comfortable but the environment is picking up the bill.

So what does this teach us about our relationships? Independence always creates problems for us. As we separate and create an emotional distance in our relationships we stop feeling the full range of our emotions and when we do this we lose empathy. The worst thing of all is that we become blind to the people around us and their problems - we may not notice that our partner is hurting and needs our help. Instead we will make everything about us. We will look for external gratification and seek every more exciting rewards at work and in our personal life - but fail to address the growing problems in our relationships.

Ultimately though we cannot continue with such Independent behaviour forever - it catches up with us with stress and burn-out or the mid-life crisis catches up with us. In the Psychology of Vision model we reach the Dead Zone. Our relationships begin to fail and we are thrust back into our feelings of Dependence that we had defended so vigourously. The parallel in the financial and commercial world is exactly what we are seeing now. The pack of cards that is built around Independent corporations comes crashing down and we stare failure in the face. The very fear that drove us into Independence is now realised. This is the problem with an Independent strategy - it brings about the very thing that it is supposed to protect us from. In our relationships we become afraid of intimacy and the full expression of our emotions - both positive and negative. At best, we end up living half a life and cannot feel the joy and freedom that true partnership can bring. At worst we see a credit crunch in our relationships - not this time about money, but about a bankruptcy of love.

Let us hope that the current problems in the financial world are an opportunity to move to more Partnership and cooperation. Everything that happens to us both good and bad can be seen as a learning opportunity. We can re-build the banking sector as an industry that is emotionally intelligent and really cares about people. It would be in service to the people of the world rather than in competition with it. Perhaps this is somewhat idealistic give the egotistical track record of man, but at least we can choose to live in Partnership within our personal relationships. We can recognise the dangers of Independence and move towards people with open hearts. By feeling our emotions and communicating and healing our fears we can form much better, sustainable relationships, which then become a model for the people around us and for business.

Most of us are facing financial worries with the credit crunch. This article discusses the causes of these problems and compares them to our romantic relationships. By making parallels it provides us with some pointers to how we might improve our relationships.



By: Peter J Granger

About the Author:

Meeting with any kind of accident can make anyone feel helpless, not knowing how to deal with the situation. If the accident resulted due to someone else’s fault, you can surely seek claim for it. A personal injury claim is a situation where an injured party seeks compensation from the person who has caused the injury. It may include a negotiation with the latter’s insurance company. So, you should be extremely careful in choosing the right personal injury lawyer who can offer you assured success.

Types of personal injuries on which you can claim

The extent of your claim depends on the seriousness of your injury. Claim is made for loss of earnings as well as compensation for bodily injuries and emotional distress. You can claim in the following cases:

Loss of income due to personal injuries. Medical expenses for injuries related to accident. Emotional losses, for example: anxiety and depression on account of worries, impact on personal relationships. Permanent physical disability or disfigurement. Loss of social, educational and family experience, for example: missed family events, school or training. Property damages.

  

Immediate steps to be followed after an injury

Personal injury compensation is the reward received by accident victims to make up for the physical and monetary loss they suffered. If you suffered a car accident for instance, in order to achieve compensation, you should keep the following things in mind:

1. Take notes about the accident and your injuries - This will help your lawyer to claim and turn the case in your favour. 2. Your claim should be valid - The injury, against which you are claiming, should be reasonable. You cannot claim for a superficial injury, such as a slight scratch. 3. Your opponent should have been at fault - A road traffic claim is against the person whose mistake caused the accident. You cannot win any compensation unless you prove that your opponent was at fault. 4. Your claim should be backed by evidence - If you produce relevant evidence in the form of doctor’s certificates, medical reports, photos of injury and police documents, it will help you win the claim very easily. 5. Your claim should be reasonable - You should be extremely careful in presenting a reasonable claim. If you produce an unreasonably high amount for claim, you might end up losing the claim. 6. Your claim should be timely - The law lays down a specific time limit, following an accident, during which you should file the road traffic claim. A claim made after this period are rejected.

So, if you have faced any kind of accident, don’t forget to meet a personal injury lawyer at the first place. An experienced personal injury lawyer can guide you perfectly to secure maximum compensation for all the physical, emotional and financial losses suffered by you due to the injury.

To know more about personal injury lawyers, www.thelawportal.co.uk. 



By: Richard Hughe

About the Author:

If you are like most people you do not want to miss a thing. You sense there is much joy to be had in life and you want it. Of course you do! And yet there seems to be a shortage of hours in the day. It is not that we are incapable of fitting it all in. In fact, many of us run around crazily trying to cram in as much activity as possible. It is just that there are different parts of us vying for our time and attention.

We are busy people. So how do we decide what to do and when to do it? How do we determine what our priorities will be and where to focus our energies? Unless we take time to get to know our whole self - to move beyond our limited human perspective to embrace our more expanded spiritual vision - we may find ourselves going through the motions of our lives without much conviction, direction or confidence.

Currently we are going through a collective growth spurt where the ways of “the old human” no longer work for “the new human” we are rapidly becoming. For ease let us simplify this profound process of evolution with a simple distinction between the “old human” and the “new human”. Two entirely different species!

Our human self, old and new, is the individualized expression of our greater Spiritual Self. It is our unique personality housed within our physical body animated and energized with thoughts and feelings. But there is one dramatic difference between the old human and the new human and a world of difference in how each makes choices and prioritizes.

The Old Human is largely identified with the physical body and physical world. It has forgotten it’s larger Spiritual Self and lives imagining that what it thinks and feels and sees - from the human perspective- is all that there is. The old human determines what is real - and makes decisions - primarily based upon what it detects through the five senses. It does not believe anything else exists.

The New Human knows it has both a physically oriented point of awareness and a vast non-physical Spiritual consciousness as well. One without the other feels limited and disconnected. The New Human makes choices after aligning with its own Spiritual Self within. It knows that with alignment it is connected to a wealth of replenishing and nourishing inner resources and that choices made from a spiritual perspective are the most fulfilling ones.

By developing a direct and personal relationship with our own Spiritual Self we each find our own way to make this shift from old human to new human. With practice we learn to remember our spiritual nature. And bit-by-bit we release our limited ideas about ourselves to know ourselves to be a whole person.

Decisions made from wholeness feel different inside. Instead of second-guessing our decisions we relax and trust our choices. If we don’t like the results we attract we make new choices. Instead of feeling limited we feel adventurous. It is a new way of being human - to live and choose as a Whole Person.



By: Peri Enkin

About the Author: