Divorce mediation almost sounds good, like a smooth transition from being married, to a new life without the drama of marriage problems. It sounds like a very humane and civilized way for a couple to take the sophisticated, gentle approach towards creating devastation and a lifetime of pretending everything is fine.

In reality, divorce mediation is nothing like what it sounds like. I know; I was a divorce mediator.

Marriage problems are rampant in most marriages; that is an unfortunate fact. And because our society is so uneducated in the area of marriage, most couples go from bad to worse in their marriage until they finally decide to end the suffering by getting a divorce.

What if a Good Marriage was Easier than you Believe? Would you still Want a Divorce?

The couples who came to see me were, by and large, those who had no place else to go; it was either my office or the divorce courts. They came from all walks of life; from Hollywood big-shots to county referrals. My promise to them all was that they would see for themselves how simple marriage can be; all they had to do was try the systems of belief I espoused and the techniques I suggested.

The beliefs I taught are simple and straightforward:



Marriage is meant to be joyous

Love never goes away; but it gets hidden

Anyone can have a good marriage when they know the rules

Men and women can be understood by each other

Behaving rightfully produces right results



Techniques that I taught were only used in the very beginning of their process. They were techniques designed to break through the encrusted habits that had formed around each spouse. It can be difficult to shatter the habitual walls of mistrust and antagonism without utilization of proper techniques. But with the techniques, the years old habits were shattered once and for all. All that was left was the love that flowed between two sincere souls. With their newfound knowledge they were able to build upon the love they had and enjoy the marriage they so desperately wanted.

Marriage problems were no longer a consideration for couples who learned the dynamic structure of marriage. Divorce mediation would no longer ever be considered by two people who only wanted a loving and harmonious marriage.

Everyone deserves the blessings that come with a happy marriage. Everyone is capable of having the most extraordinary marriage imaginable. Marriage is not a psychological or civil union. It is a union between two souls and it is essentially spiritual by nature.

This does not mean there must necessarily be religious precepts guiding a marriage. Religious teachings can be helpful to a marriage if they are based on solid spiritual principles. A couple must understand the core values of friendship, mutual service and unconditional love; the spiritual principles vital to a joyous marriage. Couples who rely upon these principles are met with an ever-expanding and always fulfilling relationship.

I am gladdened by the new awakenings inspire couples to reinvest energy in their family’s security. Children who are raised in intact families are so much better off than their counterparts who come from broken homes. Your own children will benefit too when you and your spouse move beyond the fear of marriage problems by understanding marriage as it is meant to be.



By: Paul Friedman

About the Author:

Divorce Records: You can easily access this information by simply logging on to an online database. Thanks to the Internet, free access to public divorce records is now more convenient. The federal, state and local governments have all acted in response to the demands to make some public divorce record information available without requiring physical visits to their facilities. Today, a collection of public divorce records is accessible online, and the good thing is that both the quantity and quality of these divorce records increases day by day.. Where can I find public records? There are a few ways in which you can find public records.

The bureaucratic labyrinths of differing jurisdictions location and access to policies made it complicated to make use of public records as a research tool. See instant indiana divorce records. Thanks to the Internet, free access to public divorce records is now more convenient. The federal, state and local governments have all acted in response to the demands to make some public divorce record information available without requiring physical visits to their facilities. Today, a collection of public divorce records is accessible online, and the good thing is that both the quantity and quality of these divorce records increases day by day.. Search from over 1 Billion Official US Government Records at micheal ybarra texas divorce search

In order to find court records on your own you would need years. Free searches at http://www.divorcerecordusa.info/county-divorce-records/lewis-county-divorce-records.php You should educate yourself to your rights through a consultation with a qualified divorce attorney. A divorce attorney can help protect you and your rights. Your rights and obligations during this time can easily be overlooked if you delay in consulting a divorce attorney. It only makes sense to be represented by a divorce attorney to protect your legal rights. Step one in the process of selecting a divorce attorney is to identify the type of case that you have. In order to do this, you need to select a divorce attorney who you can have confidence in throughout the divorce process. Do a search for “divorce attorney free email case review”, and see what you can find.



By: Denise Wallard

About the Author:

It’s a grim fact that the rates for second divorces are higher than those for first. I wonder why we are not learning from our mistakes? Do we require even more pain, or can we truly learn? I choose the learning option, and here are some tips I think can help you to learn.

The first tip is: be brutally honest about the questions that follow. Hint: if you are blaming your ex, you are not being brutally honest. It takes two to tango. You played a role in that divorce. What was your role?

What made you decide to marry the original time? Were you too young? Did you marry for wrong reasons? Did you think he was going to take care of your financial needs? Do you have co-dependent behavior and you rescued someone who was struggling? Did you get pregnant before marriage? Did your parents pressure you into a marriage? Look carefully at the brutally honest reasons you got married in the first place and see if there’s something you did that can now be changed. You might need the help of a counselor to make those changes.

Did the communication between you and your ex fall from loving dialogue to harsh criticism or sarcasm? How did that happen? If the communication coming from your ex was hurtful, did you swallow that hurt without discussing it with him only to find it coming out of your own mouth? If your communicating isn’t harmonious, this is a big clue that the marriage is going downhill fast. Don’t retreat behind a wall of silence. The only way I know to fix this is to improve your sense of self: join Toastmasters and become a better speaker. Get into therapy and learn more about your strengths and weaknesses and how to talk about them.

My virtual assistant told me that in her early life, her extreme sensitivity to parental fighting put her into a state of speechless shock. It’s not surprising to know that the very same thing carried forward into her first marriage. She couldn’t believe that such evil words and angry gestures were coming at her. I think that an individual’s intrinsic goodness and the fact that he or she wouldn’t consider using this abusive behavior towards any other is what makes them somewhat vulnerable to it. If you go into shock, please find help via a pastor or a counselor to help you past this stuck spot so that you don’t carry it into another unhappy marriage/divorce situation.

Do you carry a grudge or a long list of “he done me wrongs?” If you do this, it will be on your mind constantly and by thinking about it, you will recreate it over and over. You might not be aware that you are doing this. Examine your thinking about your ex and see if there’s a grudge you’re holding against him for his mistakes. If you do, look up “how to forgive” on the internet and then get busy doing that work.

Is it tough for you to think on your feet when your spouse is screaming at you? It is impossible to reason with unreasonableness, and anger is unreasonable. There is a communication technique called Broken Record. Simply say “I’ll be happy to discuss this later with you when you’ve calmed down a bit.” SHE CONTINUES TO RAGE…. Say again: “I’ll be happy to discuss this later with you when you’ve calmed down a bit.” Each time you hear the rage spoken forth, repeat the claim you want to make like a broken record: “I’ll be happy to discuss this later with you when you’ve calmed down a bit.” Make a date to discuss it. If you will ask your spouse to write down some ideas he’d like you to understand, and tell him you’ll do that as well.

It is my strong hope that these tips will keep you from becoming a statistic for second marriage/ divorce rates and avoid the pain of a second divorce.



By: Len Stauffenger

About the Author:

Divorce changes your pattern of living. You may feel unfamiliar when becoming single after years of marriage.

 

Divorce makes your life shattered and from then on you start leading the life of a single person. It’s a traumatic experience difficult to live through and a feeling that isn’t easy to recover from, but life does and must go on. You must recover from the painful divorce.

 

However, you should not expect too much of yourself too soon. It takes about two or three years for the victim of a divorce to get over the hurt and for most of the scars to heal. 

 

Dating with other people can be helpful. These are a necessary part of your healing process. But remember do not put much in these relationships, for they may not last long. They are here for your healing good. The people you date just are the transitional partner later on in your life. But if you meet a right one, you should grasp the opportunity to build a long-lasting relationship.  With your dates, you should avoid talking about your ex-spouse.

 

You should not introduce your dates to your children too quickly, which may have innumerable adverse effects on everyone concerned, especially the children. Regardless of the pain, the bitterness, or exasperation, it’s essential that you remember your children and continue to be a good parent. 

 

Divorce also inflicts upon children the emotional trauma, for which the parents should hold responsible. Therefore, when you are rebuilding your life, you should pay much attention to your children and get them involved into this process.

 

Just keep in mind that time can heal all your wounds and you will feel happy as long as you get rid of your ex-spouse and move ahead.

 

 

 

 

 



By: txydivorce

About the Author:

Regardless of the type of divorce process you choose to use, it is important to identify your marital estate. The marital estate is defined by the South Carolina Equitable Apportionment Statute and generally comprises all assets and debts acquired by either party during the marriage, regardless of title. As you can guess, there are numerous exceptions to this rule, so discuss this issue carefully with your attorney. For starters, however, you should begin to gather the following information, regardless of how it was obtained or who obtained it, as long as it was obtained during the marriage. Gather information on an asset used during the marriage, regardless of when it was obtained.

An example of an “asset” would be your residence, a car, a boat, a valuable piece of artwork, a retirement account, or an investment account. An asset is anything that is worth money! Don’t worry about loans on the assets (such as your mortgage or a car loan), because you will be listing all of these debts separately. The result will be your “net” marital estate.

Here is a brief checklist to help guide you with this process. It is by no means a comprehensive list, so anticipate that your attorney will need more information, but it is a good starting place.

Income/ Assets:

• Income tax returns for the previous five years

• Retirement account statements; one from the date of marriage, one current.

• Estimated valuation of all real estate acquired during the marriage

• Estimated value of the marital residence, if owned

• Statements from current investment accounts

• Statements from college savings accounts for minor children

• Estimated (Blue Book) value of all automobiles

• Itemization of all valuable artwork, jewelry, etc. with estimate of values

• Copies of all trusts

• Copies of all whole life insurance policies or annuities

• Recent statements from whole life and annuity policies

• Copies of all corporate papers; Sub S Corp’s, LLC’s etc.

Debts

• Current credit card statements

• Current mortgage balances (1st, 2nd, 3rd, etc….)

• Automobile loans

• Promissory notes

• Student loans

• Secured loans

• Other debts and obligations (unsecured)

In complicated cases, a financial professional is helpful to assist in establishing the value of the marital estate. In the more straightforward cases, you and your lawyer can establish the values using and Excell or Numbers spreadsheet, or just a pencil and paper!

The bottom line is that you want to identify everything that was obtained during the marriage, or used as marital property during the marriage regardless of how it was obtained.

HOT TIP: You will also want to have this information very well organized for your attorney or financial professional. You pay these people by the hour, so the less time they need to spend organizing your financial matters, the less money you will pay for this service!



By: Guy Vitetta, Divorce Attorney

About the Author:

The divorce rate is getting higher and higher and it is sad to know that many marriages were not able to last. The pain of divorce and coping with a failed marriage could be avoided if you know how to deal with the difficulties in your marriage. Divorce is not always the solution and there are ways to save your marriage. Here are some tips:

Accept that all marriages have problems. If you are going through rough times in your marriage, do not think these things are not normal. There is no perfect marriage and even couples who have been married for more than a decade can encounter problems in their marriage. It is easier to deal with the difficulties in your marriage when you know that you are just going through a normal phase in your marriage and problems are just part of it.

Pinpoint the problem. To know exactly what you are dealing with, you both have to identify the problem in your marriage. If you are unhappy, then identify the source of your unhappiness and when it started. Maybe the arrival of the first child changed everything and you felt unimportant or neglected. The demands of your job or lack of time with each other could become a problem in your marriage. In dealing with the difficulties in your marriage, you both have to pinpoint the exact problem.

Do not blame each other. This is a common mistake of married couples, pointing fingers and blaming each other will not solve difficulties in your marriage. If your spouse did something that upset you, it is better to use the word “I” instead of “you” in expressing how you feel. It is better to say “I felt ignored and sad when not given the chance to talk” than saying “You always have the last word and you don’t listen”. There are times that arguing cannot be avoided, but always remember that you are not arguing with an enemy but with the person you love. In dealing with the difficulties in your marriage be sensitive and considerate with the feelings of your spouse and avoid blaming.

Find a solution. In dealing with problems in your marriage, of course it is important to find a solution. You can sit down, communicate and listen to each other. If you have to find a common ground, meet in the middle and compromise on something then do so. Of course you both have to be committed to take action based on the solution you both agreed on. If the problems are too big for both of you to handle, there is nothing wrong in seeking professional help. There are people who can help you deal with the difficulties in your marriage and divorce is not always the answer.

It could be a real challenge to deal with the difficulties in your marriage but if you know what to do; you can save yourself from the pain of separation. Discover proven techniques to save your marriage and prevent divorce visit Save My Marriage Today.

To know more about love and relationship visit All About Relationships.



By: Gerry Restrivera

About the Author: