In many of my articles, I have mentioned the importance of value for value relationships. In fact, your success in life depends on cultivating these types of relationships and making them an ongoing part of your life.

The Types of Exchanges

First we are going to distinguish the difference between voluntary and involuntary exchange. It is individuals such as you who are involved in exchanges. In any two person exchange, one sells (gives) and the other buys (receives). “Society” cannot take part in an exchange-only individuals can.

A voluntary exchange takes place when two or more individuals agree to deal with one another. Each participates of his own free will. The exchange could involve anything from giving and receiving love to buying and selling Real Estate. All involved believe they will benefit from the exchange.

An involuntary exchange takes place when at least one party to the transaction is in it against his will. Examples of this type of exchange are robbery, rape, assault and murder. Only this type of exchange can be defined as criminal.

Any use of goods coming from an involuntary exchange is a crime, provided the consumer knows they were acquired in this way.

If you believe that involuntary (criminal) exchanges are to your liking you probably need to study and implement methods governments use to acquire their funding-or read with sadistic delight some books on the joys of our progressive tax system and the benefits of the inflationary policies of the Federal Reserve System. I’m sure you’re thrilled about the massive bailouts our financial and political leaders have embarked upon.

Universal Fallacy Number 1 Concerning Voluntary Exchanges

The ultimate fallacious belief is clinging to the fallacy that one man’s gain is another man’s loss. This doesn’t apply to voluntary exchanges-only to involuntary exchanges. As mentioned earlier, only crimes such as robbery, rape, assault and murder fall into the category of involuntary exchanges. Of course, in an involuntary exchange one man’s gain is another man’s loss.

By the way, when the government resorts to such confiscatory measures as taxation and inflation-and interferes with voluntary exchanges by attempting to regulate personal behavior they are committing aggressive acts against their citizens. These are in the category of involuntary exchanges-and therefore are criminal acts against innocent people. As Davy Crockett once mentioned “When the legislature meets nobody’s life, liberty and property is safe.” And I guarantee that the hapless taxpayer is paying for all these massive bailouts. Did anyone ask any of these taxpayers if they would voluntarily donate to the bailout fund? No! The government is expropriating them to take care of the needs of their favorite sons. Now that’s what I would call massive amounts of involuntary (criminal) exchanges.

In a voluntary exchange both individuals believe they are trading something they value less for something they value more. Whether you trading love, friendship or money for goods and services, you believe you will benefit. Nobody would purposely trade something he values more for something he values less. Even those kind-hearted, loving individuals who seem to give without measure are gaining value in their exchanges. The joy and happiness they acquire are worth more to them than any money or time they give up. Just try to prevent them from helping others and you will definitely create much pain and frustration in their lives.

Universal Fallacy Number 2 Concerning Voluntary Exchanges

The next universal fallacy is ignoring the profit motives of others. Unethical people try to use others. They believe they will profit if they take advantage of other people-getting whatever they can from them without giving anything in return. Some people realize that they need to give some value to receive what they desire-but they give as little as possible. And they wonder why people attempt to avoid them like the plague-not willingly associating with them.

Unfortunately you have the spectacle of politicians, altruists and do-gooders acting as if earning a profit is somehow sinful and base. They complain about how some businesses are earning excess profits, not realizing that the companies earning the highest profits on the free market are exactly the ones supplying the consumers’ most urgent desires more efficiently than their competitors. Of course, since most politicians thrive at the expense of others-the hapless taxpayers-you can’t expect them to understand how ethical and just the earning of profits through voluntarily exchanges are.

Profiting From Value for Value Relationships

Following are some realizations necessary for you to profit from value for value relationships.

1. If you want to succeed in your personal and financial relationships, you must recognize the profit motives of other people. Ignoring someone’s profit motive guarantees you have absolutely no chance of satisfying their most urgent needs and desires.

2. In a business relationship you must appeal to the profit motive of your prospect, client or boss. If you disregard their profit motive and attempt to force your values on them, your chances of selling a prospect, gaining or retaining a client or pleasing your boss is slim and you guarantee that your pocketbook remains anemic.

3. Trading value for value in a personal relationship can be quite difficult. Some compatibility between the individuals involved must exist. For instance in a sexual relationship it is definitely profitable for both individuals to give as much pleasure as possible. The returns can be enormous. The more compatible two people are sexually the greater the returns in the form of pleasure and ecstasy. A successful personal relationship is when both individuals are doing everything possible to satisfy their partner’s profit motive. If only one partner is concerned about this, the relationship is obviously one-sided.

Conclusion

Relationships built on voluntary exchanges are profitable for all involved. Never believe you can gain long-term profits by ignoring other peoples’ profit motives or even worse by indulging in involuntary exchanges. An individual acting with rational self-interest doesn’t sacrifice long-term gains for short-term benefits. The irrationally selfish person lives his life as if tomorrow never arrives by ignoring the fact that he has to trade value for value to gain long-term success and happiness. The rationally selfish individual builds his happiness and success and contributes to the happiness and success of others on the foundation of voluntary exchanges.



By: Robert A. Meyer

About the Author:

tinue our series on how to build interpersonal relationships, whether with family, coworkers, friends, or that special someone. Commitment and love are important to all of us; they are worth fighting for; they are worth working for. You also should know that in spite of many promises there is no secret for success, no checklist of things to do, and just as importantly no checklist of things not to do. But we do have suggestions, now continuing with the letter D. The focus is on dance, dependable, determined, and debonair.

D is for dance. You may draw the conclusion that we are talking about dating and intimate relationships. Of course dancing is a great way to get the object of your affection into your arms early in the game. Dancing can also be a fine way to keep the home fires burning, if you know what I mean. But dancing is also important in other relationships. We are not talking about dancing with a friend’s spouse or a co-worker at the office Christmas party. If you dance under those circumstances make sure to stay away from his or her arms. Keep a clear distance between you and make it short. To build work and other non-intimate, non-romantic relationships, you really have to dance the dance. Otherwise you may have to face the music.

D is for dependable. It is so important that people know they can count on you. Just think what it means to a harassed administrator to know that he or she need not check up on you continuously. You got the assignment, you verified some of the stickier issues, and now the ball is in your court. You don’t have to be reminded what to do, and you deliver status reports without being told or even asked. You are dependable. Guess who should be in line for a promotion? Dependability is just as important in personal relationships, whether it be doing the dishes, driving the kids to day camp, or whatever.

D is for determined. Make your decision and go out there and do what you have to do. Don’t dally and don’t waver. People will know that you can and that you will make it happen. And when your yes means yes, they will more readily accept your occasional no.

D is for debonair. There is nothing wrong with dressing well. Don’t be a dandy, and don’t overdo it. When my wife dressed appropriately for her job as a teacher’s aide, she did not rate consideration as a teacher. Then she started dressing fancier. She was hired just as soon as the first teaching job became available. The extra cleaning bills were definitely worth it. Dress the part, the part that you want.

By: Levi Reiss

About the Author:

Small arguments do not necessarily mean that the relationship is doomed and that a divorce is eminent. Careful consideration towards obtaining counseling would perhaps do wonders to liven up a marriage of this sort. Although relationship counseling cannot save every marriage, it can help to a certain degree.

Relationship counseling can intensity the feelings that one once held for their spouse and increase the chances of reconciling differences between two loving people. Being romantic partners, two people can make a firm commitment towards each other in marriage and this commitment can be reinforced with the proper counseling. No longer is it necessary to break those wedding vows because of drifting feelings or damaged emotions. It is no longer necessary to break the promises made during the wedding ceremonies by simply ending the relationship completely.  

Personal relationships can be difficult for most people since each of the persons involved have something at stake in the issue. If they did not, then the relationship would not be important in the least. This something at stake is what makes it possible to mend the relationship through counseling. Deep down inside, most people cherish the relationship and really want it to work.  

It doesn’t really matter what we expect from our spouse, as at times we are likely to expect too much regardless of how hard we try. This is just human nature at work. During the counseling sessions you will be provided with a means by which you can control these expectations and keep them under control.  

Life does not come with a guarantee and neither does relationships but by properly nourishing them and obtaining counseling when the relationship starts to sour it can be helped to heal and last for years.  

According to statistics, 50% percent of first marriages, 67% of second and 74% of third marriages end in divorce. Don’t become another statistic…instead, get the exact steps to reignite your marriage and fire up your romance for years to come over at http://www.tipstosaveamarriage.net/freereport If you’re unable to get councelling (or want quicker and cheaper results) then now’s your chance to try a proven alternative way to saving your marriage.



By: Alan Sechser

About the Author:

 

The foundation of any healthy relationship, whether it be with a business associate, spouse, parent, client or, friend, is trust. Trust is not something that can be built with quick fix techniques. Rather, it is something that is cultivated through consistent habits in your interactions. The following are patterns of behavior that increase trust in your relationships.

Do not try to hide things from others. Refuse to have any hidden agendas. You might think you can pull a fast one on someone else. You can’t. Most people have good intuition and even though they may not be able to consciously determine that you are hiding something, they very likely will have an uneasy feeling around you. If they don’t feel comfortable around you, they won’t be able to trust you.

This is similar to the previous point. Be impeccably honest with your words. Refuse to try and craft your words to manipulate others. Don’t give fake compliments, patronize others or say something just because you think you are supposed to. Again, people have good BS detectors. When others know that you only speak genuinely, it increases their capacity to trust you. Everyone loves authenticity.

In any relationship, always have the best interest of others at heart. Work hard to give as much or more than you get. When you consistently add value to someone’s life, they not only feel like you are on their side, they also have the urge to reciprocate. In Business relationships, this means always under-promise and over-deliver. In personal relationships, focusing on meeting the needs of the other person instead of taking in order to get your own needs met.

Ever since we were little kids, we have been taught to be respectful. However, when our standards get violated or there is no one around to see, we can often engage in petty behavior. This encompasses a wide range of actions from personal attacks during arguments to gossiping behind someone’s back. Always remember that another person’s inherent worth as a human being entitles them to be treated with dignity. When people know that you will always treat with them respect, it is very natural for trust to flourish.

When you mess up which you invariably will, be quick to clean it up. Skip the excuses and just take responsibility. Justifying and making excuses may help you in the short term but in the long run, it does nothing for your character or the level of trust you are given. Accountability is a rare trait these days with most people wanting to avoid negative consequences at all costs. Dare to be different and you will win the trust of others.

Learn to handle criticism with grace. Instead of getting defensive, consider the possibility that what the other person is saying might be true. Closing yourself off from criticism has the effect of closing off all communication.



By: sunshine01

About the Author:

successful people are those who know who they are. They know that each of us is made up of three selves. Each of us is first, the person we think we are - our self concept; second, the person we want others to think we are - our mask; and third, the person others think we are - our perceived self. These can be three very different people. Successful people know that, and work hard to closely align their three selves. When all three selves are closely aligned, a tremendous amount of personal power is generated. To the extent that the three selves are far apart, potential never becomes power - it’s wasted - in sales, in relationships, in careers. How can we have clarity in our relationships with others if we don’t have clarity in who we are? Remember the movie “Dirty Harry?” When Clint Eastwood’s character, Harry, describes someone as a “legend in their own mind?” It was a funny line in the movie - not so funny in real life. We all know at least one “legend in their own mind” kind of person. They are people who don’t know who they are, on any level - but they think they do. I have a client who sees himself as kind, warm, caring, a good listener and particularly skilled at problem solving. He couldn’t understand why he had such high turnover in the high tech software development company where he is CEO. He was shocked to find out, after going through an assessment and 360 degree process, that others saw him as highly controlling, a poor listener, a person you couldn’t discuss a problem with without his telling you exactly how to fix it, and a very domineering boss. Quite a gap between what he thought others thought of him and what he thought of himself. Did he change to be more like what he thought others saw? Yes and no. What he did do was take the description of how others saw him and how he saw himself, shared it with the group, and used that knowledge to better understand the effect he had on people - and the effect they had on him. His comfort zone with his employees went up, as did their comfort zone with him - and the differences in perceptions actually became a source of humor in their relationships. His personal power went way up - he took the time and effort to identify his three selves. People respect that. Ignorance may be bliss, but it can be fatal in business and personal relationships. And it doesn’t have to be. The acquisition of knowledge of who you are and how you impact others is like money in the bank - particularly in leadership roles, where engaging peers, teams, partners, prospects, bosses and subordinates in relationships is the heart and soul of success. So how does one go about getting this priceless information about themselves so they can apply it to their lives, their careers and their interpersonal relationships? Here’s are seven steps to follow on the path to greater effectiveness: Step 1 - Most important. You gotta want the information. This sounds like a real no-brainer, but for many people self discovery is really scary - because they believe they already know themselves quite well, (In my experience, the people that feel the most positive about already knowing themselves are the ones who would benefit the most from knowing more.) The other reason people resist this process is the implication that they will have to change, and they either don’t want to, or don’t feel the need. For some people, knowledge is definitely not power - particularly when it applies to them. Step 2 - Enlist the help of professionals and people you trust. Consider your group your own Mastermind group, dedicated to helping you get to know yourself better. Be sure to offer them your help in their own process of discovery. Get people who have worked with you and observed and interacted with you in a variety of settings. Step 3 - Seek out top people in your career area and ask them what they feel are the top requirements in Behaviors, Attitudes and Personal Skills for success in your field. You’re not asking this group about you, you’re asking them about your job. Offer to share the responses about the job with the experts. Treat it as a survey. Step 4 - Take a validated, highly regarded assessment of your Behaviors, Motivators and Personal Skills. Make special note of those areas where the assessment results and your own opinion differ. Step 5 - Share your assessment results with your Mastermind group and get their feedback - particularly in the areas where you disagree with the results. Be prepared to be surprised at how their perceptions and opinions may differ from your own. This can be tough, but it is where learning about the alignment of your three selves happens. Step 6 - Compare your assessment results with the Behavior, Motivator and Personal Skill requirements obtained from the experts in your career area. This is where you match your newly acquired information on yourself with key job and career requirements. Step 7 - Set a plan to build on strengths and improve in critical areas of Behaviors, Motivators and Personal Skills. In developing the plan look for the biggest differences between your three selves. Trust me, you’ll know where you need to spend time to gain alignment. You now have developed priceless information that you can use every day to be more effective in your relationships and in your career. Keep your plan simple - and use the information gained to help guide your Personal Growth. I guarantee if you follow this process you will have gained a competitive advantage that will end up increasing your personal power. Don’t wait - start today.

By: Andrew Cox

About the Author:

As thinking, acting human beings we have the ability to choose our response to events, people and circumstances. We do not become responsible when we mature; we mature when we become responsible.

Psychologists teach that the only reasons people are ever motivated or moved to action is to gain a reward or avoid a penalty. As you teach this principal to the children in your charge be sure to explain what they will gain or lose by the choices they make.

Personal Responsiblity is an ever widening circle of people, places and events affected by our decisions. In the center of that circle, an area which many people never get beyond is:

ME: I am in charge of those things that directly affect me as a person. Examples are: Grooming, nutrition, exercise, education, choosing friends, a mate or a career. My choices might irritate or disappoint others but the consequences will ultimately hurt only me.

The next circle of influence is:

YOU: My actions in this circle affect those I love and care about. I want you to like and approve of me, so I am motivated to do what will please you. I have a responsibility to those who work or live with me to do the things I say I will, accept blame when I am wrong, make restitution, be co-operative, care for my possessions and safeguard other people’s resources. Consequences have a ripple effect on those around me and will affect my daily life.

And as we mature and become more sensitive, we are concerned about:

US: The community within 10 miles of wherever I am standing determines us. Some people and organizations I know, some I don’t know yet, but they are a part of my extended neighborhood. This is the place to practice random acts of kindness, courtesy and service. We are each the representative of the groups we belong to; family, teenagers, school, soccer team etc. The whole may be judged and influenced by our individual actions and role model. The reward may come later in life in the form of recommendations, job offers, networking and a stronger more vibrant community.

The widest rim of the circle is to those we may or may not know:

The Universe: I have a responsibility to the universal family of humankind to make the world a better place. I need to be a part of the solution of preserving the earth, eliminating bigotry, giving service, and treating others, as I would like to be treated. The Universe may never give me a tangible reward, but I will gain an inner reward of doing right and making good choices for the higher good of all. I recognize that I have a responsibility to not only have positive actions, but thoughts, words and intentions towards others and to act with dignity, respect and love.

As parents and leaders we need to give children the opportunity to be responsible as early as possible. Teach the concept of a pause button in order to stop, think and choose before acting. Whenever they are allowed to have a voice and a choice, they will grow up knowing that they have the power to guide the outcome of their life and contribute to the well being of the group.

Assuming personal responsibility is the ultimate goal of growing up. So the answer to the question,Who, me? is Yes, you.



By: Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship coach

About the Author:

(c)Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke is a family coach and parent educator. She has written over 20 books and many many articles on building relationships on respect and open communication.

Please join us each Thursday for free teleclasses and radio shows at http://www.ArtichokePress.com You will be glad you did.

If your family needs more help than you can find in articles and books, please check out http://www.DisciplineYesPunishNo.com this is a program that will transform your family. It is 100%guaranteed.