ou heard the story about the Mexican, his dog and the cactus? It goes like this, there was a British tourist driving through the Mexican desert when he saw a Mexican sitting in the shade of a cactus with his dog. The dog was howling piteously. Being a caring sort of person the tourist stopped and asked the Mexican “what’s the matter with your dog?” “He is sitting on a cactus,” replied the Mexican. “Why doesn’t he move?” asked the tourist. ” He will” replied the Mexican ” it just doesn’t hurt enough yet.”

If this brings a smile to your lips maybe its a smile of recognition. Many women put up with and underestimate the pain of not having a life partner. Or being in a relationship that never lives up to its true potential. The trouble with this response is that they stay in pain and don’t resolve the situation.

The good news is that there is an answer and its just two short steps away. First make a commitment to change. I still remember the evening I did this although its decades ago. My thought process went something like this-Eileen, you are not a stupid woman you are successful at work and have good friendships with people of both sexes. How come you are such a loser in relationships? I looked into my future and didn’t like what a saw. In my mid-twenties with a divorce and a broken engagement behind me it looked bleak. I saw the years stretching ahead with one failed relationship after another. So what was I doing wrong.

Nothing, I was pretty much going about my relationships in the way everyone else I knew did. That was the problem. Despite having success models for many things our society has none for success in personal relationships. I knew that I had to find or create my own success model otherwise I was stuck with my current problems. At that moment I made a commitment to myself and my future. It changed my entire life.

I decided that I would have a happy, joyous, successful relationship whatever it took. I was willing to invest time, energy, money to move myself away from the pain of my failed relationships to where I wanted to be.At that point I was just one step from success.

Are you ready yet to move from pain towards pleasure or isn’t it hurting enough? This little exercise will help you to find out. Choose a time when you are alone and will be undisturbed for at least twenty minutes. Sit in a comfortable chair and close your eyes. Picture your future, what will your life be like in five years from now if you don’t change what you are currently doing? Now ask yourself this question supposing I make a commitment to change and decide to find a way to have a wonderful relationship with my ideal partner what will my life be like in five years time? Now picture your future ten years ahead, you still haven’t changed the way you handle relationships? Where are you? Who is around you? How is your time spent? What’s happening in your life? Now picture the future ten years on you’ve made the commitment. You’ve invested the time; energy and money in creating a future relationship that’s all you want it to be. How does it feel to be a happy woman living in her ideal relationship knowing that you are accepted, cared for and loved?

Meeting the wonderful man with whom I now share my life was like coming home after a long abscence. I often say that the day we met was one of the best days of my life. However it could never have happened if I hadn’t made my total commitment to finding or creating a success model for my relationships.

What’s more it wasn’t just my relationship that changed almost every area of my life has benefited. I’ve enjoyed improved health, career success at a level previously unknown to name just two benefits. No longer held back by the millstone of disappointing relationships my life took off in new and promising directions.

My second and final step to having a great relationship was finding a mentor. The ideal mentor in any situation is someone who has been where you are and achieved what you are aiming at. My mentor consisted of the many psychology books I read and courses I undertook to understand the human mind and the subjects of love and relationships. I wasn’t fortunate enough to have a living mentor available.

So there you have it the two magic steps that took me and can take you from relationship disaster to relationship success. First I made a firm commitment to invest in myself and to do whatever it took to enjoy and benefit from a successful relationship. Then I found my mentor. Believing that I was worth a relationship that would bring joy into my life every day allowed me to take these steps. You are worth a joyous relationship too.

By: Eileen Edwards

About the Author:

I have received enough questions from people over the years asking about how to get past an affair that I wanted to write about it. There are so many intricate details of your personal relationship that factor into this decision that it is challenging to make generalizations but I will provide a list of five general steps to help you determine your best course of action in this moment.

So you’ve just learned your partner was having an affair. Whether you suspected all along and just received confirmation, or you were suddenly confronted with irrefutable evidence, you are likely hurt, disappointed, angry, and devastated. These emotions are flooding your brain with chemicals, making it difficult for you to think clearly.

Steps for Recovery:

1. Calm down so you can think clearly.

Research shows that when you are in a highly emotional state, you are unable to engage in higher order thinking. Your brain goes into reflexive mode, allowing you to either fight, flight or freeze. You need to gain control of these emotions by letting them go so you can be intentional about the decisions you need to make.

2. Get Clear about Your Options.

I always say there are three options when experiencing relationship problems-you can change it, accept it, or leave it.

1. If you want things to change, there are two ways to go about attempting this. You can attempt to change your partner into doing what you want him or her to do. Or, you can attempt to change the situation by changing yourself. You can decide to do something different, change your perceptions, or change your expectations.

2. If you decide to accept it, you need to recognize what happened, know your partner is not perfect, and then decide to move on. This option means you have given up the idea you are going to change the situation. So, again, two options exist: you accept the affair as a mistake and together decide to rebuild your relationship or you recognize your partner may always be unfaithful but you get enough other benefits from your relationship you decide you can accept infidelity.

3. If you want to leave, you can leave emotionally or physically. Emotional leaving involves staying involved on a day-to-day basis but having little to no emotional investment in the relationship. You have built a wall to protect yourself and you don’t let your partner in. The other option is to leave the relationship physically. This means you end the relationship and each go your own separate ways.

3. Once you make a decision about the direction you want to go, know that in most cases it does not have to be a permanent decision. You may choose to try changing your partner’s behavior and your own, and then later decide to leave the relationship. Or you may decide to leave the relationship emotionally, and later invest in changing your own perceptions and behavior. There are any number of possibilities.

4. After you make your decision, stay true to your desires. Don’t allow other people to sway your thinking. Remember, they are not you. They have not lived your life. They may not have the same value system you have. They can only know what’s best for them, not you. Only you can truly know whats right for you so once you get clear, stay true to your inner knowing.

5. It is always helpful to get the unbiased support you need to intentionally, consciously implement your chosen option. You may have many people who will be willing to support you in their way but their way may not be the unbiased support you need. Find someone who will support you in following through on what you want, who doesn’t already have preconceived ideas about what might be best for you. A good life coach or counselor can help you move through these steps.

Remember, if you find yourself in the situation of feeling betrayed by your life partner, you are not at the mercy of his or her actions, or your emotions. You can make conscious, intentional decisions to move yourself in the direction you most want to go.



By: Kim Olver

About the Author:

Are you dealing with an abusive ex that you’re still in love with? I have some advice on how to deal with an abusive ex, and rescue your relationship. Relationship rescue is not impossible with an abusive ex, you just need to know how to deal with an abusive ex.

Relationship Rescue - How to Deal With an Abusive Ex - Tip 1

Dealing with an abusive ex boyfriend/girlfriend can be a bitch. You still love them but they continue to hurt your feelings. You ask yourself “how can I still love her/him after that?” The first step to relationship rescue, and dealing with an abusive ex, is to start using the no contact rule, and stick to it.

Don’t worry they aren’t going anywhere or they wouldn’t be contacting you, after all they already left…didn’t they? Your relationship rescue will be more successful if you stop worrying about things you have no control over.

Relationship Rescue - How to Deal With an Abusive Ex - Tip 2

Another great way to deal with an abusive ex husband/wife is to work on your emotional control while using the no contact rule. Having emotional control will help you to not take it so personal. Relationship rescue requires focus and determination, while you deal with an abusive ex.

You see sometimes you make matters worst by thinking with your heart, not your head. Use your head and you will find it a lot easier to deal with an abusive ex. You should be thinking about a plan for getting your ex back, if you still love them. If not, you will still need a good plan for getting over your abusive ex.

Relationship Rescue - How to Deal With an Abusive Ex - Tip 3

Dealing with a verbally abusive ex is one thing, but if they are physically abusive, you’re in a toxic relationship, and should just end it. I know you feel like you’re still in love, but don’t kid yourself, unless they get counseling, it will not stop. Relationship rescue for a situation like this, is for your ex to get some counseling.

If they refuse, it’s time to give up on this relationship rescue, and move on. You can get over an abusive ex with some self help relationship advice. Your library carries self help CD’s and books, of course personal support would really help. Someone to talk to while you work your way through a self help plan. I really hope that relationship rescue is possible for you, and your abusive ex.

Most people can not do this all by themselves. That is why it is wise to find someone who will help you take on this battle. If you are emotionally unbalanced you need someone or something to keep you in balance…Right? Dealing with an abusive ex, and relationship rescue is much easier, with the right approach.

You need a plan, a plan that works. If you want to survive this abusive ex you’ll need help. If you do not have a good plan I do, and it works. I’ll be happy to help you, and to support you. Just contact me and start learning how to deal with an abusive ex. Do It Today! Learn from your mistakes before you make them, and achieve relationship rescue. What can I do to help you deal with your abusive ex? Write me and let me know…OK?

Until next time,

S. Williams

~I know that “love hurts” but with my help you will get strong enough to kick love’s ass~

http://www.howtogetyourexbackfast.com



By: S. Williams

About the Author: