Are you ready for real love? In this day and age of fast-paced and short-lived relationships, it’s challenging and many times difficult, to find good, solid, effective, and useful, information that helps to build healthy and long-lasting romantic relationships. Whether you’re single, married, divorced, or looking-to-be-married, these time-tested steps will help you and your current or future mate to create a long-lasting romantic bliss:

1) Always Be Your “True” Self

You are wonderfully and uniquely made by a loving Creator. If you find that you have to act or try to become someone you weren’t born to be, in order to fulfill someone else’s expectation, then something is seriously wrong. A true love will appreciate you for who you are and what you bring to the relationship, and vice-versa. If you feel as if you’re being pressured to alter your character to do things you wouldn’t usually do (drink, drugs, pre-mature sex, lie) so that the person will continue to see you, that’s a certain sign that things are unhealthy. Your true love will gladly embrace you just for who you are—so don’t be afraid, step out in faith and show your true self.

2) Develop Deep Communication with Each Other

A healthy relationship goes much deeper that a surface affair. Even though you may both look good arm-in-arm, or standing next to each other, whether at a concert, family reunion, Movie Theater, or at church, can you talk when you’re alone? What’s going on in your conversations—are they deep and meaningful or surface and bland? Do you discuss personal hopes, dreams and goals, or just talk about the weather and the plot to the latest drama? Can you count on each other to lend a listening ear, good advice, and undivided attention?

Good, honest, and deep conversation will keep you deeply connected. When in doubt, talk it out. Always keep the lines of communication open in your relationship.

3) Don’t Ignore, but Explore Your Differences

Do your personalities blend well? Is one of you on the optimistic path while the other is on the pessimistic side of the road? Opposites may initially attract, but eventually they can repel each other. It’s important that your personalities are compatible.

If one views life through rose colored glasses, while the other is always singing-the-blues, then you have to make some sort of adjustment to accommodate each other. The simple truth is oil and vinegar make an excellent salad dressing, but they don’t mix well in romantic relationships, unless both personalities can explore each other and find some sort of balance. If you can adjust and love each other’s personalities, regardless of any differences, and bring out the best when you’re together, then this is a winning combo, and you could very well be a dynamic-duo in a life-long healthy relationship.

4) Share Similar Interest and Values

You don’t have to have the exact interests. As a matter of fact, having diverse preferences can help you to share new and exciting things with each other. However, make sure you have at least a few common interests, so it won’t be an ongoing battle over what to do and where to go to keep you both satisfied. You may have to compromise in some areas like sports, politics, movies, shopping, music, etc. Keep in mind that compromising doesn’t mean depriving each other of their individual interests but instead it means participating in each other’s interests.

5) Discuss Your Spiritual Beliefs Together

If you’re not on common ground with your beliefs about who and what God means to each of you, this will eventually cause a rift in your relationship. Don’t try to conceal your true beliefs and hope that it will all just one day fall in place—it won’t. Make sure you talk about your faith honestly and openly with each other. There’s a wise adage that states, “The couple that prays together, stays together.”

6) Appreciate Each Other’s Unique Body Temple

Let’s face it, we’re all built differently. We come in a variety of shapes, sizes, and shades. In order to have a healthy physical and emotional relationship, you must embrace and appreciate each other’s total package. One of the worse things a couple can do to each other is to fantasize or try to fit their mate into someone else’s body image. When you throw away preconceived “ideal body type” perceptions, you’ll enjoy the true worth of your partner.

I remember years ago, one of my college friends, Nicolette, a five-foot-eight-inch, former beauty queen, adamantly refused to date any man under the six-foot mark. Her preconceived idea of the “ideal match” was “an athletic hunk who would be paid well for playing ball—footfall, basketball, or baseball would qualify him—as long as he had the height, the muscles, and the billfold.” Well, after many heartbreaks, shallow relationships, and adopting a completely new outlook on life, she eagerly reports that she has been very happily married to a five-foot-five-inch dentist for over five years and “has since been blessed with two wonderful children to complete her healthy marriage.”

Nicolette would have missed out on the love of her life had she remained stuck with false perceptions. Don’t let this happen to you. Admire, appreciate, and enjoy your companion’s body temple.

7) Talk About “The S-&M Factor” (Sex & Money)

Two of the biggest destroyers of healthy relationships are the misuse, abuse, lack of or over-use of sex and money (the S & M Factor). Both are very important and very personal in your love life. Yet, unfortunately, most couples make the mistake of not setting quality time aside early in their relationship to discuss these two vital components. To put it bluntly, “You’ve got to know where you’re heading, before you get to the bedding; and know what you’re spending before it gets beyond mending.”

In deep romantic relationships, there is a world of difference between “having sex” and “making love,” just as there is a major difference between being “involved” and “being in love.” The misuse of sex, just like the misuse of money, causes major turbulence in relationships. These can be dangerous influences which overwhelm your relationship; or they can be healthy tools for intimacy and success. It’s up to both you and your partner to know what sex and money means to each of you, and to make sure that you share your beliefs and feelings with each other. Otherwise, both the sex and money issues can become major conflicts which will destroy even the deepest love.

Try to Get Along With Each Other’s Friends-n-Families

Although your happiness ultimately depends on how well the two of you get along with each other, some input from loved ones can be frosting on the cake. Do you have a healthy interaction with each other’s close associates? Make sure you ask some supportive family members and/or dear friends their opinion about your choice in mate. If the advice is not what you want to hear, examine it closely, evaluate the source, pray about it, and make up your own mind anyway. Make sure you also meet your mate’s family and closest friends, and discreetly observe their interactions with each other. Look if there is any dysfunctional family pattern that you need to address and get help with. There is a wise old saying, “Show me your company, I’ll tell you who you are.” Chances are, if your partner has a healthy interaction with loved ones, you will also get the same treatment—and so much more!



9) Stay Away From Negative People

It’s important to make a special note here, that although the interactions of relatives and friends can be a plus in building a healthy relationship, some, unfortunately, can also be a minus. If you face unhealthy interference and discouragement from loved ones because of their personal insecurities, don’t let them have any influence in your relationship. Both you and your mate must be on the same page and decide to keep negative people out of your personal love life in order to love and grow together in a harmonious, healthy relationship.

10) Learn to Laugh Together

This one doesn’t need much explanation—if there’s no joy, there’s very little hope. Laughter keeps love alive. Find something that you can both get a good hearty laugh from. Here’s a little secret that works wonders: A good sense of humor and a pleasant disposition has a magnetic attraction that makes people always want to be in your presence. How can that special person resist your gorgeous smile and sparkling eyes? Go ahead, laugh a bit—have fun and enjoy!

There you have it—the practical, useful and effective steps that will surely enhance your current or future relationship. You deserve to have an enjoyable, exciting, and loving healthy relationship with someone who loves you, just for who you are. You are worth it!



By: Dr Grace Cornish Livingstone

About the Author:

As hard is it is to believe, there are few people who are in healthy relationships and there are some who are in an unhealthy relationship and they do not know or even realize it. They have come from one unhealthy relationships to the next until they can hardly recognize an unhealthy relationship even if it hit them in the face. Healthy relationships are vital for the health of both the people in the relationship both mentally, psychological and physical. Healthy relationships are where by the partners love each other unconditionally. When they are together what they do is have fun. Yes they do argue, but the number of times they argue with each other is far much less than the number of times they are in good terms with each other.

People in healthy relationships respect each other. Whatever the partner decides to do on their own is respected by the other partner. Even if the decision made by the other person is not entirely agreeable to them, they will still respect each other’s opinion and come to an agreement or a compromise. They will also respect each other when their friends and family are around and will never do anything to make the other person feel ashamed before someone else. There also exist a lot of honesty in a healthy relationship. The partners know everything about each other but still love each other. If anyone did something wrong, they would also be honest enough to admit they did it.

Trust also exists in healthy relationships. In fact, you can not say to be in a healthy relationship if you can not trust a person. You can go out all by yourself and leave your partner behind and they will trust you enough to know that you cannot do anything to hurt them. There should also be some level of good communication between you and your partner. If your partner is the type to keep quiet about things that directly affect your relationship then you are not in a healthy relationship. The two of you should be able to talk about the things that affect the two of you in any way. Embarrassing or otherwise.

A healthy relationship is one where the two of you can be yourselves and have nothing to hide about. A healthy relationship is one where there is general support. It is not about every man or woman for himself and God for all of you. In healthy relationships couples support each other in all ways. Be it financially, physically, emotionally and any kind of support that is needed. No one in the relationship is afraid to ask for help just because they think they will look weak and the partner might end up looking down upon them. Every one needs help once in a while, even the strongest ones of them sometimes need to get help. A healthy relationship is one where a partner is not afraid to ask for it and will not feel guilty about asking for it neither will they feel like they are disturbing their partner. That is as long as it is something you really need help in.



By: Francis Githinji

About the Author:

It has been proven that a healthy mind and a healthy body can contribute to a healthy relationship.

When you begin a new relationship with someone, you obviously want it to last as long as possible. Your relationship can last if you build a healthy relationship. However in order to have a strong relationship with someone, YOU must have a healthy mind and body and you must make that commitment to attain that status.

So how do you make a relationship healthy?

First, a healthy mind is when you have good self-esteem and confidence of who you are and what you want out of life. A healthy mind gives you independence so that you rely on yourself to get matters done and therefore not dependent on your significant other.

An unhealthy mind though is when you have little or no self-esteem and no confidence in yourself. The lines of communication become non-existent because you withdraw into your own world and just look to your partner for guidance on your life, which puts a burden on him or her. An unhealthy mind is also when you are still thinking of your old flame, this can be considered as emotionally unstable. This definitely will not help your new relationship and if you are in this situation, you must deal with it first before you lose your current relationship.

Second, a healthy body is when you take care of yourself. This means, you try to keep a healthy weight and you care about your appearances, how you look and feel on a daily basis. If you are a smoker, try to quit, if you drink excessively, try to stop, or any other bad habit or addiction you might have that would cause harm to your body in the long run.

Another healthy body tip is to exercise regularly to keep your heart functioning smoothly and eat a sensible diet, and yes , you can splurge once in awhile as a reward. Facts show that exercise boosts up the moral, and depression can be avoided. Your attitude becomes a positive one that makes your mate want to spend time with you. As you can see healthy mind and healthy body go hand in hand.

In retrospect, an unhealthy body is when you don’t care enough about yourself to take care of your body. If you have picked up bad habits or addictions such as smoking, drinking, drugs, (or gambling which is becoming an increasing problem) in time you will let yourself go. If you eat a lot of junk food and your waistline is expanding, this is unhealthy for your body and might bring you down because you will not like how you look like anymore.

Because you don’t care about yourself anymore, you don’t try to exercise, your attitude is poor, the result is a relationship that collapses because your partner is not willing to spend any time with you anymore. You can not blame your partner because if you can not even love you, why should he?

When your mind and body are in sync with one another, you can acquire a positive attitude, and this keeps the line of communication going with your significant other. When your mind is ‘clear’ it allows you to listen to your partner and helps you support them whenever they require it (and vice versa). You are more likely to do what it takes to maintain that relationship in tip-top shape so that it continues to flourish.

Work hard on avoiding those pitfalls and take a stand on your mental and physical health. You are human, so setbacks are sure to happen, but do not let them destroy your state of mind or affect your health for the long run. Remember, if you are not happy or healthy how can you have a healthy relationship!



By: Cindy Banach

About the Author:

Everyone wants to have and build healthy relationships and believe it or not, it is up to you to decide if you are going to have a healthy relationship or not. Right from the onset of a relationship you should thrive for one thing. To have a healthy relationship with your mate. Here are a few tips you can use to build a healthy relationship with your partner. From the beginning of a relationship you should try as hard as you cannot to listen to what people have to say about your partner. This is because though there are people who want the best for you, there are others who would love to have nothing more than destroying your relationship. When you start listening to people the more fights you will have and that is not healthy.

Build healthy relationships by fighting in a fair way. When you have a fight, do not call your partner names. As much as you think words cannot hurt and that they are just words you are wrong. Some things you will say to your partner when you are having a fight are permanently destroying, you might never know this but you will definitely notice after the fight. You might never get to have the same kind of relationship after a fight because your partner might never trust you enough to know what you will do or say. When you loose trust in a relationship that is the begin of trouble and so it should be your job not to loose it and the best way not to loose it is to avoid fighting unfairly where by you call your partner names.

Build healthy relationships by being concerned. You should always show general concern for your mate. A healthy relationship is one that is built on general concern from both parties. The moment you stop showing interest in what ever your partner is doing the two of you are on your way to an unhealthy relationship. Always try t keep the communication line open between the two of you. This is because the more you communicate with your partner in making them know about your fears, your expectations, your failures and achievements the more you are on your way to a wonderful and fulfilling relationship. Couple who have closed communication lines are known to experience a lot of problems than those who are in open relationships. strive to be communicative with your partner right from the beginning and incase you loose the communication, try hard to get into again.

Forgiveness is also a key to build healthy relationships. When your partner does something wrong or hurtful you should forgive them. Holding a grudge will not help you much. It will only hurt your relationship even more. Do not keep a grudge for something your partner did months ago even if it is something as big as cheating. If you can not forgive him or her, you are better of leaving than staying with them because your relationship will be headed to a major heart ache.



By: Francis Githinji

About the Author:

 

Healthy relationships allow for individuality, bring out the best in both people, and invite personal growth. Choose the specific ideas or techniques presented here that will be most helpful to you.

Getting close?developing meaningful relationships is a concern for all of us. Getting close to others, sharing our joys, sorrows, needs, wants, affections, and excitements is risky business.

Rewards for conquering our fears of getting close?If we learn to communicat effectively with others and are willing to risk sharing our own feelings and respect other’s feelings, many rewards will await us as we learn to get close to another person.

The art of communication :When people are asked what the most important ingredients in a relationship are, communication almost always is on the list. Yet we rarely are taught HOW to communicate effectively. Communication with others boils down to either expressing ourselves or responding to someone else. Yet the methods for doing each are quite different.

Expressing ourselves :When you are stating an opinion, making an observation, or expressing a feeling, the most appropriate format to use is called an “I-statement.” You may even hopefully be already using them

Responding to others: When other people are expressing themselves, it is not appropriate to use I-statements when responding. A more effective technique is called “Reflection.”

Reflection is saying back, in your own words, the content and/or feeling of what the other person just said.

Reflection requires us to listen very carefully to what the other person is actually saying. Yet we also do NOT have to be right in identifying the emotion or reason we hear because the speaker will automatically clarify it for us (and sometimes for him/her in the process).

Fighting fairly :A major stumbling block in any relationship is settling disagreements, which often reduce to emotional shouting matches rather than caring problem-solving. Basic ground rules for effectively facing conflict in a relationship include:



Maintain a spirit of good will - remember: you care about this person.

Avoid attacking one another - discuss behavior, not personalities.

Share your feelings - explore and discuss them.

Focus on the present - past dissapointments cannot be changed. Concentrate on here and now.



 

These strategies can help you establish an atmosphere of cooperative problem-solving. If you feel the relationship has deteriorated to a point where these methods can’t be tried, you may want to consider a neutral, non-judgemental third party to mediate the discussions.





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By: wangcan

About the Author:

On an episode of Leave It Beaver (yes really) the following exchange took place between June and Ward Cleaver:

June: How come you don’t bring me flowers anymore?

Ward: Dear, that’s like running for the bus after you already caught it.

Ouch. Needless to say this answer did not thrill June. Unfortunately many men understand all to well where Ward is coming from and agree with him one hundred percent. This doesn’t just apply to married couples or even a fictitious married couple. Many a dating relationship has become familiar to the point of routine. To many women this represents a form of arrogance. It is like saying, “I got you now so why should I exert anymore effort?” That’s a recipe for trouble somewhere down the road.

You don’t have to go overboard either by taking her to a fancy restaurant every other day or going on vacations that you cannot afford. Mind you those things help but with women, it is sometimes the little things that mean the most. Things like:

1. Listening

The lack of communication can be very frustrating to women but not listening can really get their dander up. Many of us have been accused of concentrating more on whatever was on television than our wives and girlfriends. To a large degree it’s true. Most women like to talk about personal matters that have a direct bearing on their lives, their family or friends.

What’s on TV at that time is irrelevant. Show that you appreciate her by listening. Don’t just wait for her to start talking. Initiate the conversation sometimes, and then listen carefully not only to what she says but her body language as well. This is not a one shot deal. Listening to her on a steady basis can only help your relationship.

2. The Small Occasion Celebration

We’ve all seen the shows where the woman gets upset because the husband forgets their anniversary or birthday. That quite honestly should never happen. However for a lot of women, there are many smaller occasions that mean just as much; for instance the anniversary of your first date or the day both of you bought something together.

Being able to surprise your lady with little things that you know mean something to her (something she probably figured you took no notice of) can be a major relationship booster. If you have to “cheat” a little bit then get your own personal journal to keep track of these things.

3. Get to Know her People

Women value their relationships. While many men are of the take it or leave it mentality, it is very important to most women that you get to know her family and friends. These are people who make up a special part of her life and by taking the energy and effort to genuinely get to know them, you are showing her how much you love and care for her.

They maybe coming from a perspective that you are not crazy about but hang in there. Be open minded and respectful. The chances are that somewhere down the line you will want her to meet your people. Extend the same courtesies to her family and friends that you would expect from her if the situations were reversed.

It’s easy to get stuck in a routine and set in our ways. But it’s most important to continually show the lady of your life that you love her. Again it doesn’t take extravagance. Get to know her people, be mindful of the small big occasions and above all listen. Doing these three things is planting the seeds of long term healthy relationship.



By: Daryl Campbell

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