Archive for January, 2009

 

Things You Can Do to Spice Up Your Relationship

Saturday, January 24th, 2009
One relaxed way to transport the excitement back into your relationship is too set up a time night. While you may see one another daily and even go out to banquet every Friday night, locale up a court night external of your regular schedule will enhance your relationship and give you something to look familiar to. Don’t just schedule a night to go out to banquet but pleasure each of these time nights as if they were first dates and make them unusual, go buy some sexy lingerie to dress underneath for later!. Go all out receiving yourself dressed up and take unusual tending in your appearance. Prepare for your court night as if you were truly demanding to make a good first impression. Going out of your way to have at slightest one night of fun and romance a week will help add a little dynamism to your relationship.

Giving your partner gifts for no incentive at all is another ways to get your relationship back on footpath. You may have lavished gifts on your partner early in the relationship but as the relationship progressed you may not have done so as frequently. Small, important gifts given just to make your partner glad will let them know that they are still always on your view just as they were in the launch of the relationship.

The unadorned act of property hands can also add excitement back into a relationship. This intimated gesture conveys a substance of sanctuary but it also lets your partner know that you want to be close to them at all epoch. Many couples grasp hands everywhere they go early in a relationship but don’t do so later. Try grabbing your partners hand as you are out operation tasks together. They will be touched by the sentiment and will be glad to be allotment a meaning of closeness with you again. Doesn’t it get you when you see an old couple land hands?

A kiss is still another way to produce the excitement back into your relationship. You may have gotten into the habit of bountiful your mate a kiss on the cheek or a transient peck on the lips when you see them after a long day of work. Trying kissing them with passion the next time you see them to contract them by stun and sincerely let you know not only how much you adore them but how attractive you find them as well.

Having an universal fascinate can also promote excitement in a relationship. If there is an activity that you both have liability, make it something that the two of you do together regularly. For example if you both like hiking make policy to go hiking every Saturday morning and each time you go out make it a little different by exploring a new scene or setting new goals for yourselves. This will give the two of you an attempt to reconnect while enjoying each other’s group. Having a ritualistic activity that you and your partner enjoy together creates closeness and intimacy that can help put the excitement back into your relationship.

Offering your partner a work when they are worn-out and jaded can also produce the excitement back to your relationship. A knead can be a very sensual and intimate experience. Additionally offering a massage lets your partner know that you can see that they are stressed out and exhausted. They will appreciate your putting them first in the relationship and this will help create back the excitement in your relationship.

Over time a relationship may misplace some of the excitement that it had in the very opening. While this may be troublesome it is also completely normal and reversible. Noticing the require of excitement in your relationship is the first action to restoring that excitement. It may take a little work but with a few unfussy actions you can be on your way to an exciting relationship. Don’t disregard to make them feel exclusive, sometimes just giving them something nice like a new example of lingerie can make all the difference.



By: Julia Solomon

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How can I gain more respect at work?

Saturday, January 24th, 2009
Lexym679 asked:

I was led to believe I’d have a 6 month review for a raise; even after my outlining my dedication and value brought to the company (I’ve helped to win several big-dollar funding awards), my mgr said my work is great, but he would re-evaluate at 12 months (I’ve been there 8) before giving me a raise. I’m continually asked to stay late and work weekends to complete projects by strict deadlines. The flexibility needed on my part for this job is interfering with my personal relationships, including my long term partner and friends, as I can no longer keep plans and balance my personal time. Although I’ve approached HR about how much I am asked to work, (she said I must consider if this is the job for me), especially without adequate compensation (my co. pays below market rate) no one really hears me out. Without free time to job search, I’m ready to reapproach my employer for a raise or try again discussing the situation. Or I’d rather they ‘let me go’, & ask for severance. Bad idea?

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Relationship Rut: New Life for Old Routines

Thursday, January 22nd, 2009
There aren’t too many things better than a peaceful sleep, right? You’re comfortable, you’re safe, you’re getting important needs met. But what happens when you’re sleeping so soundly that you inadvertently crush an arm for a while? The crimp in your circulation jolts you into wakefulness with the sensation of thousands of tiny needles. You’ve hit an overnight rut. Before you can enjoy slumber again, you have to massage life into the limb that was stifled by smothering stillness.

There’s not much better than a happy relationship, right? You feel comfortable and safe with each other, you’re getting important needs met. You have relied-upon routines that give structure and personality to the life you’ve created together. But what happens when, over time and initially without you even noticing it, some of your dual routines feel lifeless and still? What if they start to cut off the circulation to the rest of your relationship? What if, like that errant limb, part of your relationship has fallen asleep? You’ve hit a relationship rut. Getting over it might take a little more ingenuity and focus than rubbing a tingly arm or shaking pins and needles out of a leg, but it’s well worth it for the longevity of your union.

Undoubtedly, sleep is a good thing for your body. Even when you crush a limb because you’re in such a deep sleep, it’s still a good thing and you don’t decide to swear off sleep because that might happen again.

Likewise, relationship routines are good things. And rituals, as one facet of relationships, create a rhythm and predictability that allow for a sense of security. You don’t abandon rituals and resign yourself to an ever-shifting landscape of chaos because you found yourself in a rut.

Relationship Ruts

We all fall into relationship ruts. This doesn’t indicate anything about your relationship other than it is normal. It’s how you handle the ruts that might be a predictor of your relationship future. Do you shrug them off and accept boredom as the status quo? Or do you decide to bring back that mutual vitality you once thrived on?

A relationship rut occurs because one of your relationship routines is starting to squeeze the life-blood out of your marriage or relationship. It may be that a particular routine only affects a small portion of your relationship. But, like that newly numb arm, it may be all you notice for a while. You need to wake up that part of your relationship that has grown lifeless. If ignored for too long, the boredom and numbness is likely to spread to other parts of your relationship.

Is it really a rut?

The first step in shaking life back into your relationship is to locate ruts in your relationship. Just as feeling sad once in a while doesn’t mean you suffer from depression, being bored with your partner or with the things you do with your partner doesn’t mean you’re stuck in a rut with him/her. Boredom is something we all feel from time to time, and fleeting boredom with aspects of your relationship doesn’t signal a rut. Further, all relationships go through low points, especially if you and your partner are dealing with a great deal of stress.

A true rut usually grows slowly and will be experienced over an extended period of time. If you and your partner feel like you’ve had a boring few days, that doesn’t mean you’re in a rut. But if you’ve been bored silly each weekend for the last six months (and if you’re starting to dread time off from work), it is likely that your weekend routines have created a relationship rut.

Climb out of the rut

As long as you’re willing to find time, energy and creativity, relationship ruts are generally easy to fix.

With your partner, make a list of all the relationship routines that give both of you comfort and create a sense of safety. This list might include: eating dinner together each evening, going to the gym, renting movies every Sunday, visiting extended family…and so on. Discuss why these routines are special. What about them makes you feel safe and secure with your partner?

Then make a list of all the routines that you and your partner have grown tired of. These are the routines that are causing part of your relationship to fall asleep. When you identify routines that you both agree can and should be eliminated from your lives, do so. Unfortunately, some of the routines you identify as problematic might be necessary or fall under the category of “life maintenance tasks.” In that case, brainstorm ways in which you might make small changes to make them feel different on some level.

Remember: even small actual changes can make a big perceived difference.

For example, you and your husband visit your husband’s mother every Saturday. You don’t feel very close to his mother (she doesn’t seem to be fond of you), but, rather than insist your husband make these trips alone, you’ve accompanied him. However, these visits are contributing to what you’ve identified as a relationship rut. They mean too much to him to give up, though. Try shortening the visits by a half hour and institute a post-visit, playful, mutually satisfying routine. Perhaps there’s a restaurant or museum or miniature golf course on the way back that you both agree to try. And then the focus of the day isn’t just on your mother-in-law, but the time that you and your husband spend together in a shared activity.

Go back to your list. Now brainstorm a list of all the activities that you and your partner would like to add to the relationship. Choose something on this list and try it for several weeks. The activity should be fun and easy to execute. If it’s not mutually gratifying, it shouldn’t become part of your dual routine repertoire. Also, remember to mix things up a bit: rotating activities will imbue your relationship with the new life it needs and will help you avoid getting stuck in a future relationship rut.

Find out how to create the relationship of your dreams: Sign up for Dr. Nicastro’s free Relationship Toolbox Newsletter at http://StrengthenYourRelationship.com/ and immediately receive two FREE reports that will help you achieve your relationship potential.



By: Richard Nicastro, Ph.D.

About the Author:

Richard Nicastro, Ph.D. is a psychologist and relationship coach who is passionate about helping couples protect the sanctuary of their relationship. Rich and his wife Lucia founded LifeTalk Coaching, an internet-based coaching business that helps couples strengthen their relationships.



 

Keys to a Healthy Relationship

Thursday, January 22nd, 2009
As a member of the society, it is important for us to maintain a healthy relationship. But it is not easy due to different personalities, interest and experience. If you want to have a really healthy relationship, follow these simple guidelines.

Learn to compromise. Healthy relationships are not built through winning meaningless arguments. Be willing to back down; most arguments are not of critical importance anyway.

Forgiveness is a powerful and important factor in maintaining healthy relationships. However, real forgiveness also means that we are willing to forget the experience. When we make mistakes, just consider how much we would appreciate others forgiving and forgetting.

Make sure you have at least a few common interests. You do not have the exact interests and hobbies. Having a few common interests can make you closer by doing things together and talking about them. You may have to compromise in some areas like sports, politics, movies, shopping, music, etc. Keep in mind that compromising doesn’t mean depriving each other of their individual interests but instead it means participating in each others’ interests.

Communicate with each other. A healthy relationship need to develop deep communication. Good, honest, and deep conversation will keep you deeply connected. When in doubt, talk it out. Always keep the lines of communication open in your relationship.

Learn to be humorous and laugh together. Don’t take yourself too seriously. A good sense of humor and a pleasant disposition has a magnetic attraction that makes people always want to be in your presence. Be willing to laugh at yourself and be self-deprecating. This does not mean we have to humiliate ourselves, far from it - it just means we let go of our ego. Humor is often the best antidote for relieving tense situations.

A degree of detachment is needed to maintain healthy relationship. People often mistakenly think that being detached means not caring. However, this is not the case. Often when we develop a very strong attachment we expect the person to behave in a certain way. A good friendship based on detachment means we will always offer good will, but we will not be upset if they wish to go a different way.

Keeping a healthy relationship is very important for it have the effect on your daily life. If you fail to maintain it healthy, you may feel upset and a sense of failure, which may lead to bad performance in your work.



By: lily002

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Traits of a Healthy Relationship

Wednesday, January 21st, 2009
It’s totally normal to look at the world through rose-colored glasses in the early stages of a relationship. But for some people, those rose-colored glasses turn into blinders that keep them from seeing that a relationship isn’t as healthy as it should be. Here are some traits which can tell you whether you are in the healthy relationships.

Trust and support each other. Support your partners’ goals in life, and respect their right to the feelings, opinions, friends, activities and interest. Partners value differences rather than use them to separate and cause conflict.

Adopt effective communication skills. Those who are able to openly express their feelings in an emotionally safe environment typically deal with situations as they come up and avoid burying frustrations which always have a way of coming out at some point. Each is able to express their thoughts, feelings and needs without fear of being judged.

Negotiation and fairness also can suggest the healthy relationship. Each is willing to compromise, accepting change, and seeking mutually satisfying solutions to conflict.

Be able to take responsibility for your behavior. Sometimes, once we’ve taken responsibility for all our own behavior, we can see clearly that our partners in the relationship are the ones who are acting out. But only when we take responsibility for our behavior, issues, and needs enough to trust that we are safe can we respond with number eleven.

A healthy relationship is not a power struggle. The two of you don’t have to think the same way about things.

A healthy relationship is not symbiotic. You do not have to feel the same way about all things.

Use good conflict resolution skills. Conflict is an almost inevitable part of relationships, especially in relationships where the partners rely on each other and are emotionally close. They key to strengthening a relationship is not to avoid conflict, but to resolve it in a mutually satisfactory way. It is important, therefore, not to judge or blame, or to look for victory when a disagreement arises.

In the healthy relationship, the partner enjoys each other’s company, and look for opportunities to socialize, play, and have fun together

Talk and act in a way that promotes both partners’ feelings of safety in the relationship. Both should feel comfortable and safe in expressing him/herself and in engaging in activities.

Healthy relationships are characterized by respect, sharing and trust. They are based on the belief that both partners are equal, that the power and control in the relationship are equally shared. The aforementioned traits are the integral parts of the healthy relationship.



By: sunshine01

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A Healthy Relationship With Food

Wednesday, January 21st, 2009
Do you label foods as “good” or “bad”? Are there foods you try to avoid or feel guilty about eating? If so, you may have an unhealthy relationship with food.

How you think about food can be just as important as what you eat. Food is something to be savoured and enjoyed. Unfortunately, diet books and the media often imply that some foods are “bad” or that eating certain foods may cause health problems. In actual fact, it is your overall pattern of eating that affects your nutritional status and risk of certain diseases. The goal is to make nutritious choices most of the time, but it does not mean you need to eat “perfectly” at every meal.

To develop a healthy relationship with food, try some of these tips: ” Eat when you are hungry - this sounds simple but how many times have you eaten just because the food was there or because you were bored, stressed out or unhappy? Ask yourself if you are truly hungry before anything goes into your mouth.



Stop eating when you are full. The goal is to feel content and satisfied after eating. If you feel sick or uncomfortable, you have eaten too much.

Choose foods that make you feel satisfied, both in terms of taste and fullness. If you are craving a particular food and nothing else will do, then sit down, eat it and enjoy it. Depriving yourself of certain foods often leads to overeating later on. As well, experiment by eating more high fibre foods or adding a little protein or healthy fat at each meal - this can help you feel satisfied for longer.

Make your food taste good. If you need to add a little sugar, fat, salt or some herbs or spices to make a food such as vegetables taste better, then do it. Who knows, maybe you will end up eating carrots because you enjoy them and not just because they are “good for you!”

Pay attention to what you eat. Focusing on the process of eating helps you tune into your body and makes it easier to stop when you feel satisfied. Sit down and savour each mouthful instead of distracting yourself by driving or watching television while you eat.

Make family meal times a priority. Eating as a family can boost the enjoyment of meal times and actually help everyone eat more nutritiously. People generally prepare and choose healthier foods when eating as a family.



 

For more information on developing a healthy relationship with food, look for resources written by Ellyn Satter, Linda Omichinski and Frances Berg. You can also contact your local Public Health Nutritionist or Community Dietitian for support.

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By: wangcan

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Find More Tips and info about love, sex and relationship at http://www.ebookslife.com/sex and http://www.ebookslife.com/relationship