Negotiation is part of every day life. To negotiate means to arrive at an understanding with another person, so that both are happy and contented with the results. If you believe that negotiation is only part of professional life, you need to take a look at your personal relationship. Do you not negotiate with your partner about where to spend holidays, which house to buy, and every such thing? Learn more about negotiation to make your relationships stronger.

In professional life you negotiate with your co-workers about how to divide the work. You negotiate with your clients about prices and you negotiate with your boss about your paycheck. In personal life, negotiation skills are rather more important.

Needs of your partner-

A good negotiator would begin with understanding the need of the opposite party. Sometimes we believe that we know what our partner desires. But that is not true. Unless you probe you will not know what are the latent desires that your partner wants to fulfill. For example, your partner may be thinking of going on holidays not only to relax but also to be more with you. If you choose to go on holidays with other friends that will not make your partner happy. You need to go alone with your partner to satisfy the desires of being with you. Therefore understand the need first.

Spell out your needs-

Let your partner know very clearly about what you are looking for in any given situation. I have seen a relationship breaking because the man never told the woman that he would want to have a child. The woman wanted to be childfree. This ultimately broke the relationship. Had the man spelled out his needs clearly this would not have happened. Therefore do convey your needs clearly.

Reach Understanding -

If both of you modulate your needs so that there is a common ground there are no reasons of friction. If both of you want a result without hurting the relationship, flexible approach is a primary requirement. Otherwise, one of you will walk away. Your skill as a negotiator depends upon satisfying you and your partner.



By: CD Mohatta

About the Author:

Having breakfast at my favourite restaurant this morning I was again reminded about why we get involved in relationships. It always blows be away as to how many people are in convenient relationships, or stagnant relationships were there is only a possibility of growth.

There are unlimited personal reasons for people being in relationships. They are called relationships because you physically demonstrate who and what you are in relationship with another. In other words your relationships define you and your personal thoughts and beliefs about yourself, your environment and your circumstances in the moment.

No matter what you may think, say or how you may protest this statement; how you act demonstrates your thoughts in the moment. What you think always manifests itself physically and is somehow demonstrated.

A couple came into the restaurant and sat down two tables in front of me. The man with paper in hand immediately opened it up and started reading to himself with little more than a couple of words to his partner. During the time they were in my focus, the man continued to read while the woman starred off into space, and every once in awhile she would say something, and he would answer. Admittedly I am judging here, but his words were more to acknowledge her words than her existence.

This is not the real value in a relationship. Evolution, involvement are the natural mechanics of personal growth. If it is the nature of all living things to evolve or better themselves, then they do that in relationship to another, and their environment. A close personal relationship is the greatest opportunity for mankind to demonstrate his/her growth. In the moment when one has prioritized his choices to the newspaper over the relationship, he is short-changing his growth if he does not include his partner. The relationship is demonstrated physically as him reading the newspaper over engaging his partner. He has prioritized his choice no matter how he may object to this statement and actions speak stronger than words.

There are underlying developments that we can’t see in this relationship. It may be a continuing opportunity for both partners to believe either consciously or subconsciously, that their relationship has become mundane, boring, or indifferent. It may add to a growing feeling that the relationship has died, and it can be a long term buildup to an appropriate action by either one.

Partnerships may be relationships of convenience were there is growth outside the relationship, and clearly this is a physical demonstration of how the partners are using the relationship. It’s a place to park the car, but all the action is outside the parking lot with minimal movement in the space.

Longevity is no measure of a good or poor relationship, and it is also a demonstration of the thoughts one has about themselves, acted out in the current relationship.

There is nothing right or wrong about these kinds of relationships and they exist all around us for purpose - the purpose of each individual. However, if there is no personal growth coming from the relationship then at its best, you are just keeping up appearances. If you understand the nature of spirit and its desire to evolve in its physical experiences, then does it make any sense to stop growing, to become lazy and indifferent about your life? The true nature of “life” is “movement” the words are interchangeable.

Relationships are gifts, they are opportunities to declare yourself, and that is all that life desires - is a declaration of existence. The only true assertion that humanity can make to the universe is that “I Am” and everything thing else that follows is a lie or an imagined experience.

If a man unexpectedly appeared on the planet in a remote part of the world where no one else visited, all he could really say about himself is that he is here. If a women suddenly appeared next to him, then he could then start declaring himself as this or that in relationship to the women, her values or beliefs, her mannerisms, her physical attributes and all things female and human. He would identify himself then as either the same or different from her. It is she, who gives him life, meaning and his sexual difference as male or female. This would be the same no matter what the sexual orientation or attributes. Humanity always creates itself in relationship to each other.

I personally don’t like how most couples interact with each other, whether it is aggressive or passive aggressive. I believe that if one has love and respect for oneself he/she will seek to find that and return it to others. He will also seek relationships that are based on personal growth rather than convenience. If she is in contact with the love that she truly is, she will also remove herself from relationships where there is little possibility of growth - love empowers whether self love or the love of another.

This article is not about reading the morning paper. I didn’t mention that while I was focused on the couple sitting together but apart, a second couple came into the restaurant and sat down between myself and the couple. I noticed something about the new couple; the woman was reading a newspaper and so I thought wow, this is the reverse; interesting. I then noticed that the man also had a newspaper and both of them were enjoying their read. Every few moments one would look up at the other and make a comment about what they were reading.

It would be unfair of me to say that this particular couple had a maturing and supportive relationship and the other couple didn’t. However, at that moment they were expressing what I would consider respect, a meaningful exchange, and the honouring of each other’s presence.

Are you missing out in your relationship? It is a mirror or reflection of how you are feeling about yourself in the moment you are thinking about him/her. How you interact or react to her, really expresses the thoughts you have about yourself. He/she is the greatest gift that can come your way. It is an opportunity to say; I am alive, this is who I am, and this is how I demonstrate or express it.



By: Roy E. Klienwachter

About the Author:

dots asked:


I feel like she is trying to compare my relationship to hers. Her boyfriend cheats frequently, lies to her, and does his own thing. I have issues to because my boyfriend is going through legal difficulties, but our relationship is great. i try not to tell her much, but I feel like she wants the worst for me and my boyfriend. Any advice on what is happening???

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No one can deny the benefit of preventive medicine. First of all, it’s often easier to prevent an illness than it is to cure it–that’s why you go in for your annual physical (or why you should). And we all can agree that feeling healthy is preferable to feeling sick. So looking out for potential illnesses before they take over your life is the reasoning behind the medical check-up.

But when was your last relationship check-up?

Everyone needs a Relationship Check-up…

Unfortunately, couples and couples counselors have not adopted the philosophy of the regular physical for relationships. Most often, the approach is to wait for problems to arise, persist, and then to seek help. To compound the problem, most marriage counseling is focused exclusively on the presenting complaint–this problem-centered focus often obscures any resilient aspects of a relationship that already exist, ones that might be used in a healthy way. This sends the message that couples should only seek counseling or give their relationship close attention when a crisis arises. Couples counseling is seen as a last resort, an act of desperation.

Shouldn’t there be an alternative to this approach?

The typical journey to marriage counseling:

Meet Joanna and Bernie—the “every” couple.

Like many modern-day couples who try to juggle numerous commitments and responsibilities, Joanna and Bernie have their share of stress. And this stress has taken a toll on them. Over time, their relationship has suffered.

Depending on circumstances, relationship problems surfaced but then seemed to disappear…only to resurface at some later point. As time passed, this pattern intensified and became more frequent, often with no resolution. The vitality and life that was once a part of their relationship started to give way to hurt feelings, then withdrawal and finally indifference. As their marriage became more painful, Joanna and Bernie started to channel their energies elsewhere: Work-related activities, parenting and/or time spent with family and friends supplanted the time that was once spent enjoying each other.

As unresolved issues continued to fester, the familiar relationship that once offered comfort and meaning was nowhere to be found. Beleaguered and hopeless, it became painfully obvious to Joanna and Bernie that marriage counseling was needed if they wanted to head off a divorce.

Couples often endure an agonizing existence for years before seeking help—and like a slowly developing medical problem, the more time that elapses before seeking treatment, the poorer the prognosis.

But what if Joanna and Bernie had been going for an annual relationship check-up?

Isn’t it possible that their marriage problems could have been identified early on and Joanna and Bernie been given the tools needed to tackle these issues?

Unfortunately, few options exist for couples who want to evaluate the overall health of their relationship before problems crop up.

When is a problem a “real” problem?

There is a level of decisiveness when someone is dealing with a physical aliment: if you develop a pounding headache that won’t go away, you call your doctor; when you injure your back to the point where you can hardly move, you see a specialist immediately.

This level of decisiveness is lacking when it comes to relationship aliments.

Some couples quarrel often and still have strong relationships; however, conflict can signal the start of significant trouble for others. Some couples make love infrequently but still feel fulfilled and connected with each other, while for other couples, a lack of physical intimacy is a sign that help is needed. In other words, a problem for one couple isn’t necessarily a problem for another.

Would you call a counselor for a relationship check-up if you faced any of the following?

~Lately your marriage seems less fulfilling;

~You start wondering if this is all that love has to offer;

~Over the last few months, you and your husband have been arguing more frequently;

~You’ve noticed that your wife has been withdrawing from you and avoiding intimacy;

~When you have the choice, you prefer spending time with friends rather than with your partner;

~You find that you have no desire to make love to your husband.

If you answered “no” to the above question (whether or not you’d call a professional if you faced any of the aforementioned issues), you’re not alone. And quite frankly, your marriage or relationship might be fine in spite of any one of the above concerns. But then again, one of these observations might also signal that your relationship needs some attention. This is why ongoing attention is so vital for the health of your relationship.

What a Relationship Check-up Can Do for You:

A relationship check-up should focus on all aspects of your relationship—highlighting what is working well, each person’s unique strengths, how these strengths can best be utilized in the relationship, as well as any areas that might need attention so problems can be prevented. Couples can leave a relationship check-up invigorated and with a plan of action that will help them keep their marriage or relationship moving in the right direction.

This preventive medicine approach is a healthy alternative to “just putting up with” relationship problems before seeking help.

Are you ready to implement the preventive medicine model for your relationship? Dr. Nicastro offers a FREE relationship check-up by phone!

Visit www.StrengthenYourRelationship.com to schedule your free relationship check-up. And don’t forget to sign up for Dr. Nicastro’s Relationship Toolbox Newsletter.



By: Richard Nicastro, Ph.D.

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