So you’re in a long distance relationship, and naturally you’re looking for a long distance relationship guide. What sort of long distance relationship guide will serve you best? How about a ‘Sherpa’ - the people who lead adventurers up Mt. Everest - will they serve you well as your long distance relationship guide? Let’s be realistic, books can work well as a long distance relationship guide too.

A long distance relationship guide can be different things to different people. We’re all born with a burning need to have a relationship with someone we care for. But some of us choose the tougher road, the road less traveled, a long distance relationship. I recommend that anyone who traverses this road be well prepared before taking on such a journey. This type of relationship needs a long distance relationship guide for sure!

I’ve been in many relationships in my life, and a few of them - two to be exact, were long distance relationships. Did I have a long distance relationship guide when I started out? Oh no! I was young, naive and full of lust. I felt I could make it on my own while my loved one was living in another city. I soon found that I needed a long distance relationship guide to be my daily companion.

I’d like to share my experiences with long distance relationships and give you some insight into my long distance relationship guide.

Preparation for the Unknown

When I started out I didn’t have the slightest clue about my long distance relationship guide. I had lots of relationship experience to fall back on - I felt more than prepared for what lay ahead. I knew my partner was living in another city, we had telephones, cell phones, email, the Internet, web cams, text messaging - what more did I need. I soon found I needed my long distance relationship guide to smooth the road. No matter how much technology I had - I wasn’t prepared for the emotional onslaught that was about to happen.

I found myself longing for her voice after we hung up the phone. Why wasn’t this covered in my long distance relationship guide? How could I have been so absent-minded and not thought of the obvious. No matter how many way you have to communicate, you also need to be prepared for the emotions that come with a long distance relationship. My next points will help with this.

Setting and Managing Expectations

When you’re in a ‘normal’ relationship (same city) you just chat when we feel like it, send an email here or there. But when you enter a long distance relationship - communication becomes a staple in the relationship and it become quality instead of quantity. It’s important to have expectations on when you will communicate and for how long. There’s nothing written in your long distance relationship guide that prepares you for feeling snubbed, or forgotten when your loved one isn’t online, doesn’t return your call or email.

Setting these expectations in the beginning will save you a lot of mental anguish. Make sure you leave a page or two open in your long distance relationship guide to make mental notes. Not having expectations met can lead to troubling feelings about the long distance relationship and affect its survival.

Planning your Communication

As I’ve hinted previously, entering into a long distance relationship means you’ll need tools or services in order to communicate. I know it sounds obvious but you wouldn’t believe how silly I felt the first time was asked to have a voice conversation over MSN and I didn’t have a microphone. I felt lousy that I missed out on this opportunity to chat voice to voice. And with the Internet, this can be done for free (except the cost of a headset microphone).

So make sure your long distance relationship guide has an entry for your communication checklist. The more ways you have to communicate, the less apart you’ll feel. Nothing is better than getting a ‘(k)’ which means ‘kiss’ in text speak to me, or a dozen of them on your cell phone as a text message.

Conclusion

I hope you’ve learned about your own internal long distance relationship guide. It lives inside you and as silly as it sounds - it works. Make notes in it often. I sure did!



By: Rob Dunsmuir

About the Author:

zento1110 asked:


relationships. Is there anything I can do to increase my self of self worth?

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It is advisable to learn to Love the One you are with for your making up relationship

 

 

 

 

If you have recently come out of a relationship, heed this word of caution. It may be wise to distance yourself from relationships for a while. Take a breather. The tendency of new singles often is quickly to find someone else to be with. Most ministers and mental health professionals agree that that is not a good idea. It is a colossal mistake!

For some people being in a relationship becomes their “drug of choice.” They skip around from relationship to relationship. Some get stuck. They feel as though they always have to be in a relationship. They develop the dependency of “needing” a relationship. That is not healthy. Some people allow their feelings of insecurity about being alone to keep them stuck, often in an unhealthy relationship.

Our former relationships never cease to provide us with new and exciting questions, the answers to which can lead to the breakthrough necessary for a healthy love relationship in the future. The rewards of personal inquiry are invaluable and can assist us greatly in being ready for another relationship when the time is right.

I believe that every relationship we are in serves a definite purpose. It fulfils a need for us as we fulfil needs for someone else. Remember, we should only look back to see how far we’ve come or to see how much we’ve learned. We can look at our past love relationships and focus on the good we learned from them. I must admit that at times this may be difficult.

Spend time working on you. Work on developing your own self as an individual. The one you are with is you! Reinvent a relationship with yourself. Make it a new and exciting relationship; one you can be proud to carry over into your next relationship with someone else. Nobody wants damaged goods.

Allow time for the healing that is necessary for you to feel comfortable with being alone. That is the only way you can learn how to really be with someone else in the future. After coming out of a love relationship, it is normal to feel rather insecure for a while. It takes a while to adjust to your new beginning. The delayed gratification is worth it. One of the rewards is discovering that the more time you take for yourself, the more love you will have to give to your future love partner.

Choose to be alone for awhile. Being independent enough to be alone is a virtue. Cultivate it. When you can learn to be comfortable with being with yourself, then you may be getting closer to being ready for a healthy love relationship with someone else. During this time of aloneness you will discover a clear distinction between being lonely and being alone.

Being alone can help you in getting comfortable about being with yourself. When you are comfortable about being with yourself, your feelings of loneliness will gradually disappear. Spend some time learning to be good company with you. Avoid the self-created fear of being alone. Accept that we do this to ourselves. It can bring no good into our lives. We allow fear to cause us to withhold ourselves from others. Fear breeds insecurities.

It could be said, for example purposes, that even Tarzan, Lord of the Jungle, was insecure. He would swing from vine to vine, not letting go until the next vine was safely in hand. Does this sound familiar? This may make sense when you are in the jungle. When you are swinging high above the ground, your life depends on it. Your life does not depend, however, on always being in a relationship. The need to be always swinging from one love partner to another is not in your best interest. If you are coming from a love relationship, the last thing you need is another one . . . right away, that is. In this scenario, there is no safety in numbers.

We are so afraid of finding ourselves hanging in midair; we latch onto the first available vine that happens along. Not a good idea! Leap into your greatest fear . . . be by yourself for a while. Take a good look at what “hanging in midair” feels like. You may be surprised! You will be okay. It won’t be the end of the world. Although it may feel like it, that feeling won’t last forever.

It is wise to practice intimacy with “self” during your abstinence from relationships. Pray to know God better. Thank him for the courage to get serious about the relationship you have with you. Get to know God. Get to know you. Give yourself the gift of solitude. When you are alone . . . journal. Get in touch with your true feelings. Work on falling in love with yourself for a change and see how great that feels! Be your own significant other. Practice the art of loving you. Take the precious time out that is necessary to rediscover who you are without a love partner.

You must first learn to be alone and happy before you can be together and happy. Learn that it is possible for you to live alone and not be lonely. Discover how to be self-sufficient. Don’t be dependent on others for your own existence.

Know that when you eventually do connect with someone you can love; your happiness will be enhanced by just knowing that being in the relationship is your choice and not something you need or must have to survive. To have found someone you can share your life with is one of love’s ultimate adventures.

Not having a relationship doesn’t keep you all warm and cuddly at night; however, getting yourself ready for a really great love relationship must be your highest priority. Be true to yourself first, it is well worth the wait. Being alone may call up all the feelings you were afraid you would have if you were ever alone . . . and some you could have never imagined. The pain seems to go on and on, though only if you allow it. Healing takes time. Stay with solitude. Don’t be tempted.

 

At the end of your tunnel are love-of-self and the healing love that only God can provide. You must attain this awareness before you can be in a healthy love relationship with someone else. In times like these, when you are alone with your feelings, life can feel empty.

You can gain much insight into the power of your attitudes in the stillness of looking inward. Your body believes every word you say. Your words and thoughts govern how you feel today and how you will feel tomorrow. A quiet and peaceful mind takes form as a quiet and peaceful body. Peace, be still.

See what it feels like to walk hand in hand with you. Give yourself permission to do what may feel risky. Discover new ways of thinking and being. To allow intimacy to be present in a relationship with another, you must first seek intimacy with yourself. Some of our clearest thinking about relationships can occur when we are not in a relationship. Our mind is often sharper when informed by our own feelings. We are more humble and acutely more in touch with the hurts of the past. We are far more open to new ideas.

Take advantage of this opportunity to learn all you can about yourself and what makes a healthy love relationship. It is in the search for what it takes to have a healthy love relationship that we become more receptive to listening for new ways to make our relationships work better in the future. The very process of searching opens up many new options. Make having a relationship with yourself your number one priority. Then, and only then, can you move on to what’s next!

 

Indeed, life is short. Don’t let another day go by without taking a chance on happiness. You will never know until you try, so remember to make a move today. It can change or affect the rest of your life, therefore, at the very least, you can try to come out something for your ex love partner during your weekend plans. With a little practice, perseverance and patience, I believe that your relationship could be enhanced with the tips that I have shared earlier. If you have faced any problems with your loved ones, do not hesitate to visit this piece of article again.

 

 

I really have a strong belief that if you can understand what I have explained and applied what you have learnt from this piece of article, your problems can be eventually solved and your making up relationship can become more stable and stronger. I wish all the best for your making up relationship with your partner. Do always remember to spread word of mouth to your fellow friends for supporting the decision of having making up than breaking up.

 

 

 

Is getting my ex back possible?

 

 

Watch a video that shows you exactly what you must NEVER do, what you should do to get your ex back and why at Getting My Ex Back Video

 

 

You will also learn how to reverse the situation if you have already done those things that should NEVER be done.

 

 

 

 

 

 



By: dhlim88

About the Author:

You know, a relationship crisis is an incredibly painful and emotional experience, and it is no surprise that most women who are caught in this emotional upheaval do more to harm their relationship than help it! When a person is faced with this unfortuitous turn of events, heartbreak, frustration, and fear drive their actions, and they inadvertently destroy their relationship. The best thing you can do in a situation like this is take a step back, take a deep breath, and clear your mind! This will prevent you from harming the chance of saving your relationship!

 

Let’ examine the four things you shouldn’t do, then I’ll tell exactly what you should do!

 

1. Telling him that you’ll change to save your relationship

Reassuring him that you won’t; complain anymore, be controlling, won’t lie, be jealous, or have another affair never works. You see, all of the talking is over at this point in the crisis, and actions will have to speak louder than words. What you’re really saying when you tell him you’ve changed is; give me my way because I don’t really care what you want. This will only cause him to pull away from you and will hurt your chances of saving the relationship. You see when it comes to saving a relationship actions really do speak louder than words! If your relationship has reached a point of crisis, there isn’t anything that you can say that will turn it around. So, you may as well save your breath!

You see, your partner has been asking you for a change and you haven’t given him one! The only way to turn your relationship around is by proving that you changed, and not by saying you have. Forget about who’s right or wrong. I’m sure your partner did several things to harm the relationship, but if you want to focus on blaming him, you will destroy your relationship. There’s an old saying; “Being happy doesn’t always go along with being right!” So, do you want to be happy, or do you want to be right? If you want to be happy focus on proving that you have changed and watch your partner change him self!

2. Saying that you love him to save your relationship

Telling your partner over and over again that you love him is like saying that you want something different than what he wants. He wants to pull away and you want him to come closer. There’s a reason that he is pulling away, and what you’re doing in essence is ignoring his needs. Saving a relationship is not about forcing the issue, it’s about attraction! Love is really a matter of attraction since you can’t force someone to love you, can you! You partner pulled away from you because you haven’t been fulfilling his emotional needs, and your fears and insecurities have been causing you to damage the relationship. So, telling him that you love him will only push him further away. If you want to save your relationship refrain from saying I love you at this point. Instead tell him that you agree and understand why the relationship isn’t working! That’s right, agree! I’ll show you exactly how to do this towards the bottom of this article!

3. Trying to change him to save a relationship

Plodding, pleading, and arguing with him in an attempt to get him to change never works. In fact, it is actually counterproductive to saving a relationship and is the quickest way to destroy it. Let’s get one thing perfectly straight; YOU CAN”T CHANGE HIM!!  No matter how hard you try, you can’t change him, and attempting to do so will destroy your relationship. Only he can change himself! Now that you realize this critical case in point, your chances of saving your relationship just went from slim to probable!

4. Acting out of desperation to save a relationship

Desperation is not attractive to anyone, and when you say I love you please don’t leave me, what your really saying is that I have very little self-confidence. Your sending a message that you know the world is full of good looking men, but you can’t see that and you have very low self-esteem. Saving a relationship is all about showing your partner the confident woman he’s always wanted. Your partner wants a woman that makes him feel like a man. He wants a woman that displays confidence or feminine grace. When faced with infidelity in a relationship most women think their man just gave in to a moment of sexual desire, or that it’s just the way some men are. However that’s not it at all! Other than sexual addiction being involved, 99% of the time it is because his emotional needs have gone unmet. Is committing infidelity wrong? Of course it is, but if you want to save your relationship being desperate or unconfident will not help. As a matter of fact, it will destroy it.

 

Ok, that’s what you shouldn’t do, and now here’s what you should do!

 



Step back, take a deep breath and clear your mind!



 

 

 



Draft a statement of agreement and present it to your partner! (see example below)



 

 

 



 Focus on renewing yourself and proving that you have changed!



 

 

 

 

The following statement of agreement is based on a relationship where the partner blames and resents his wife for being verbally abusive and controlling, which has caused the crisis to escalate to the point of separation.

 

Her Statement of Agreement

 

I have been thinking about some things and I want you to know that I agree with you and I understand. I know that there have been times when I have been verbally abusive and have said things to you that I shouldn’t have. I also know that because of my own fears I have been very controlling in our relationship. Never wanting you to have any friends, and always being suspicious of where you are and what you’re doing, even though you’ve never given me a reason to feel that way. I know that you have asked me for a change and I haven’t given you one, so I honestly don’t blame you for feeling the way that you do. And, I don’t blame you for wanting the separation! I just wanted to tell you that I understand.

 

Give these techniques a try; you may be shocked at your partner’s reaction!

 

Best wishes,

 

David Roppo

The Relationship Rehab Coach

 

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By: David Roppo

About the Author: