“Happily ever after” is a term which exists only in fairy tales. In real life every relationship has its share of bumps and problems. In fact having occasional arguments is even considered healthy. But if mutual bickering and fights become an everyday phenomenon, then you know your relationship is headed for trouble.

A lot of song writers and poets have aptly said “love just ain’t enough!” Mutual love may be the most important building block of a relationship, but love alone can’t sustain the relationship.  You might love your partner or spouse to death but may still find your relationship battling stormy weather. The reason could be that your relationship has one or more of the following elements missing: trust, open communication, respect, honesty and/or complete commitment. However, if you have the will and desire to make your relationship work, these problems can be sorted out.

How to make your relationship work?

Acknowledge that you have a problem

Blame- game is the common factor in almost all troubled relationships. People tend to get so blinded with anger that they lose their objectivity. Ego of course adds fuel to the fire. Sadly, this raging fire of anger and ego burns down the most vital building block of a relationship- love. It is therefore important that both the partners acknowledge the fact that they have a problem and refrain from finger pointing.

Communicate

Often we don’t share our feelings with our partner/spouse for the fear of hurting them and some times we may avoid speaking our mind in order to avoid an argument.  Continuation of this kind of behavior has the potential to destroy a relationship. Not sharing your feelings will lead to simmering resentment within you and the other person will continue with their life without even realizing that their behavior is hurting you. The result can be an explosion of bottled up emotions, leaving your partner bewildered and deeply hurt.  Open channels of communication are therefore vital for the health of any relationship and remember communication need not always be in an argumentative tone or a high pitched voice.  It’s important to keep your ego aside and communicate your feelings in a loving manner, in order to save yourself and your loved one from pointless hurt.

Relationship counseling

When you are angry or deeply hurt, you may blow small problems out of proportion. Just as love sometimes clouds our objectivity, hurt and anger have a similar effect too. You may be tempted to ask a friend or a close relative to interfere or “make the other person see the sense of your argument”, but remember this approach can easily backfire as friends and relatives may not be objective and biased towards you.  It’s therefore advisable to seek relationship counseling if both you and your partner are open to the idea. You may feel hesitant about confiding in a stranger, but remember a counselor is not just a stranger but a trained therapist. Just like you go to a doctor to treat an illness, you can visit a relationship counselor to treat your ailing relationship.

Clinical Hypnosis

If either of you have a problem with insecurity, jealousy or commitment phobia, the reason could be your past. Clinical hypnosis could help you in this case. Sometimes some past events or happenings may get so firmly embedded in your subconscious that you might end up taking a lot of actions because of those past memories, without even realizing it. Through clinical hypnosis a trained therapist will be able to delve into your subconscious and help you release the memories which are hampering your relationship and re-program your mind.

Positive affirmations

When a relationship is in trouble we tend to indulge in lot of negative self-talk about ourselves and our relationship. Not only does such behavior push the relationship further into the abyss of loneliness it also affects our confidence and desire to make the relationship work. Repeated negative self-talk ends up strengthening our belief that our relationship is beyond repair.  However, if instead of telling yourself how miserable you are and how imperfect your relationship is, if you could focus on making your relationship work, not only will you feel more motivated to bring your love life back on track but you’ll also feel more confident about being able to do it. You can either make up your own affirmations or practice the following in front of a mirror everyday:

“I love and appreciate myself the way I am”

“I deserve to love and be loved”

“I am surrounded by love at all times”

“The universe supplies me with endless love”

“All is well in my world”

Visualization techniques

Have you ever noticed that when you visualize something negative your body and mind start reacting as if you are already facing that situation? For example if you visualize you and your partner/spouse parting ways, you might feel a lump in your throat and your heart may start sinking. If you continue with your negative visualizations your body and mind start unconsciously pushing you in the direction of what you visualize the most. Similarly if you visualize yourself in a fulfilling relationship with your spouse/partner, your body and mind will start preparing you to live those happy images and will push you to push to fruition the visions of a healthy relationship.

These tips and techniques will be able to help you build a healthy relationship only if you and your partner are open to the idea of changing for the better, to make your relationship work.

Want to learn more? Have a comment or situation you’d like to start? Continue your self-help coaching journey at Boomer Yearbook.

www.boomeryearbook.com is a social networking site connecting the Baby Boomer generation. Share your thoughts, rediscover old friends, or expand your mind with brain games provided by clinical psychologist Dr. Karen Turner. Join today to discover the many ways we are helping Boomers connect for fun and profit.



By: Andrew clinton

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Kayleigh W asked:


Well, to be blatantly honest, my boyfriend keeps asking me to give him a “favor”–u know what i mean. I don’t feel comfortable with it. He wants to know why. I can’t formulate a reason. He told me he gives up. What the **** am i going to do now?

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The personals lava database contains more than 50,000 personal ads from men and women around the world. Personals lava comprises an internet community of singles seeking companionship and personal relationships. Personals lava members are scattered all over the world. Studies reveal that members use a seemingly limitless number on of parameters for narrowing their search results. Australians for example use terms like Aussie, and Englanders almost always use Uk. Canadians of course use Canada but quite often also include provinces such as Ontario. Of course in the United States we find everything from U.S. to NYC, Texas to Hawaii, and New York to Atlanta.

Personals lava stands is a lively community of thousands of active members. Most of the dating features at Lava life are free. Lava life’s unique advanced search features make it possible to browse profiles meeting your specific search criteria. Personals lava detail and instant messaging services make it possible to communicate quickly and easily with those persons of interest to you. Find your best matches, reply to them and receive messages from them from your profile listing. Personals lava life helps people to meet people.

Personals lava continues to be a global favorite in providing wholesome entertainment dating services for singles everywhere. Personals lava recognizes the many aspects of life that determines the type of person you would like to meet and the type of relationship you want to build. Personals lava helps fulfill your unique relationship goals and interests. You too can connect and interact with different people of your choice and have fun and sometimes wild communities. Personals lava is definitely a leading online dating destination for singles all over.



By: Agustin Patoval

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Knowing how to get what you want in life is important for you to be happy. If you are not persuasive in obtaining what you want, you may never get what you really want in life, or not even close to what you want in life. Here, we are going to talk about persuasive techniques, and how to get what you want in life. For some people these techniques are used in many relationships, in regards to your relationship, friendships, and in close relationships. Many times one or both people in the partnership will use them to get the things that they want out of the relationship. For the most part, these methods are harmless and only used when necessary.

What is so different about persuasion?

The power of persuasion is sometimes confused with manipulation. This act of directing someone to do something is not in his or her best interest or right for him or her is manipulative, but we want to discuss just being persuasive. Persuasion is a form of influence. It is the process of guiding people to reflect toward accepting someone’s views on a topic. It is a problem solving strategy and this is not going to rely on deceiving someone else. When you are persuading someone to do something, you are not using force or influencing harm to that person in any way.

Communication as a persuasive theory

For most people, one of the most effective ways of getting what you want is communication. Many people are using this method in the marketing and sales world along with their own personal relationships. Persuasion with communication has been around for many years. It is has also evolved over the past centuries and has become more effective for careers and relationships as well.

Using verbal communication is one of the best ways to get your point across no matter what it is. You want to make sure that you are using the right methods to get people aware of what you are after and how you can get it. Making it clear why something is so important to you and why it would be a great addition to your relationship. You will want to talk it over well so that you can get the proposal out on the table for both people to understand.

Negotiation as a persuasive technique

A negotiation is a process that can be made into three very important steps. These steps are very crucial in many of the marketing and sales careers in the world today. Not only is it important in the world of marketing it is important in any relationship as well. It is important to use these negotiation skills we have learned in many of the relationships that we have today.

Not only are they important in the world of love relationships it is also a very good method for friendships and family relations as well. You have to plan and prepare for this method of persuasive technique. You need to make sure that you are completely prepared so that you are giving the full method of negotiation. You need to learn about the other person’s negotiation style and you need to be ready to take your position. You need to ensure that you have a smooth negotiation. You need to be prepared with your proposals when you are discussing any topic with a business partner or in a relationship.

Set the Tone

You need to firmly state your position and explain your interest based on needs. You should do your share of exploring so that you can make sure that you are giving good reasons behind the reason for your plea. You do not want to create a conflict when you are trying to negotiate with someone. You need to develop a creative alertness without loosing focus on what it is that you are after.

After the negotiation

You will want to make sure that you are recapping the conversation that you are using for the negotiation with your partner or special person in your life. You want to make sure that you do this so that you may get a better outcome from the persuasive technique. You will want to take the time to review each of the elements and maybe the next time you can make some improvements to your negotiation techniques.

Method of Influence

The method of influence is another way to get what you are looking for out of a business or personal relationship. The definition of influence is the act of getting compliance without using force. You do not have to force your opinion on someone to get what you are looking for. In fact, the power of influence is so effective that you may not have to use much of this technique at all.

You can use your influence to affect people in your life. You want to use your method of powerful thinking to get where you want to be and what you want from any type of relationship whether it be personal or business related. You want to use your power of influence to create value with a relationship that you are trying to get what you want from.

This form of persuasive technique is going to be one that is not easy. You will have to show the person that you want to persuade why your influence is so important and what you can do to make them understand what it is that you are after. You can use this way of creating an idea so that they can see and understand what your needs are and why they are so important to you. In most cases, this is a form of persuasive technique that will get results that you are looking for and it is a harmless and useful.

The persuasive techniques are used in more and more relationships today and in some cases, they work easier than others. It is important to remember no matter what you are trying to do, you need to be truthful to the person or people that you are trying to persuade. There is no reason to lie or manipulate anyone to do anything. With these powerful methods of science, you can get what you want from any relationship honestly.



By: Mailcucan

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Augustina asked:


I just recently ended a long term relationship and i am trying to take care of myself and my children for the first time on my own. I have a job but I need a personal loan to help me get on my feet. I dont have good credit at all because of my ex and I am trying to go to school and get my life together for the sake of my children I just dont know where to turn. Can someone please give me some advice on what to do or if anyone could let me know what lender there is to help me. I would so be apprieciated!!

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Advertising executive, Carol Fena has been in and out of a relationship with banker, Neal for the last two years. They break up for a week or two but then keep getting back together until the next blow-up. Carol’s friends can’t understand why she keeps going back to Neal and why she is so addicted to him in spite of the fact that he is emotionally abusive.

Many are the people caught in the web of addictive relationships. And often, we ourselves realise that we have been in relationships that have disappointed us in some way or another… relationships that didn’t work out the way we had hoped, wanted or thought they would. And, we’re not just talking about intimate and love relationships. We’re talking about toxic friends, back stabbing relatives, abusive partners and controlling family members, vicious colleagues.

Sometimes the poisoned relationship is with a family member or an in-law. Or perhaps a friendship has lived out its purpose. In this case, so much time has been invested in the friendship that it is hard to let go. However, addictive relationships are most often evident in romantic interactions between men and women.

UNMET EMOTIONAL NEEDS

Remaining in a bad relationship not only causes continual stress but can also cloud your life with frustration, emptiness and despair. It can drain your energy and make you tense and stressed. Addicts become so elaborately enmeshed in the other person that the sense of self-personal identity is severely restricted, crowded out by that other person’s identity and problems. Such people struggle relentlessly to fill the great emotional vacuum within themselves. Despite the pain of these relationships, many rational and practical people find that they are unable to leave, even though they know the relationship is bad for them.

One part of them wants out but a seemingly stronger part refuses or feels helpless to take any action. It is in this sense that the relationships are addictive. In case of romantic relationships, entering a relationship based on the fear of being alone is totally self-destructive. In this type of scenario, an individual will choose to be with just about anybody to fill the void he/she has in life. Desperation for love and romance to fulfill your desires may lead to selection of wrong partners. So, if you use your fears and insecurities to make your relationship decisions, you inevitably will have to suffer pain and suffering.

ATTACHMENT HUNGER

A person who is excessively attached to another person most likely carried those habits over from past relationships. The conditions in past relationships can leave a person feeling inadequate or mentally and/or physically abused. Romantic relationships are not the only type that causes such habits to develop; they can also stem from lack of nurturing or attention during childhood, isolation or detachment from family, early abandonment, unrecognised early needs and fears of rejection. Often, children who are not loved, nurtured and encouraged in their independence are left feeling ‘needy’ as adults and may thus be more vulnerable to dependent relationships. These ‘clingy’ feelings which develop early in childhood, often operate without awareness and can exert considerable influence on a person’s life. Often, dysfunctional relationship patterns are passed on from parents to their children.

Thus, unhealthy relationships can be a source of great agony if there is emotional or physical abuse involved. Often, relation addicts do not want to see or believe that their parents, spouses, children or friends can be a toxic influence in their life. This kind of denial may last a lifetime, or it may give way to a painful awareness that the relationship is not healthy. Also, for many people caught in this trap, it is often a vicious circle. For them, the end of one relationship is not always the end of the battle. They choose destructive relationships over and over again. The consequences of their choices are painful and emotionally damaging, yet those that engage in this repetitive behaviour never seem to learn from their experience.

BREAKING THE CYCLE OF BAD RELATIONSHIPS

All relationships leave very important clues about who and what we are. Try to remember all the relationships that you know have been bad for you. Think of the relationship history and look for patterns, themes and repeating incidents. “If it is all about everyone else and what they did to you, it means you are a victim, helpless to affect change. When you can see where you are contributing to the problems, you can make changes. Personal accountability is the most empowering tool for healing. You can talk to a trusted friend or a counsellor depending upon the severity of your situation. Sometimes having an outsider’s perspective is helpful. Such a person can help you filter through your options and underlying motives for making a decision. Often, it is difflcult to sever ties with people with whom you are emotionally involved - say family members, spouses, boyfriend/girlfriend, ete. Breaking up will not be easy. Be sure to resolve any guilt you might be feeling. Too often we let other people relate to us on the basis of our weaknesses and faults. We are attracted to bad traits in people and consequently, these characteristics lead to unhealthy relationships. These people have no other way of relating to us. It will take some re-learning and re-conditioning to achieve this change of relating to others through our strengths, especially if the negative relationship has been long term. You have to let go of negative relationships. It could mean you have to break a business partnership. It could mean you need to call off an engagement. It might require you to avoid toxic friends and acquire some new friends who are true to you.

STAYING IN A BAD MARRIAGE

Married people stay together to work out their issues. This approach to marriage counselling believes that your partner is the right person to help you heal your wounds. With this approach, many marriages can be saved. However, there are three reasons to leave a relationship: The Three As. There is severe abuse, severe adultery and severe addiction. These three extreme conditions rarely change. In such cases, getting out of the relationship is important. You are putting yourself, and possibly others, in serious jeopardy if you continue to stay in the relationship. Divorce in such cases is merited. Also, partners sometimes stay in bad marriages for the sake of the children. But this can be a big mistake if there is abuse involved, because doing so puts a terrible burden on the children. But marriage experts believe that each marriage has different issues and if the problems can be solved amicably, there is no need for divorce. A study conducted by sociologist Linda Waite at University of Chicago suggests that staying together is better for the children. She writes in The Case for Marriage that “most current divorces leave children worse off, educationally and financially, than they would have been if their parents stayed married, and a majority of divorces leave children psychologically worse off as well. Only a minority of divorces are taking place in families where children are likely to benefit in any way from their parents’ separation. I do not advocate divorce as a first step when a marriage is going awry. There are always ups and downs in a marriage. Anyone can manage life during good times. It is getting through the bad times that makes or breaks a relationship.

HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS

It is not difficult to break bad relationship habits. Once you decide to let go off your clingy nature, healing will automatically come. Once you aim to heal your past and maintain healthy relationships, you will automatically stay away from associating with toxic people. Always try to keep your relationships healthy. People in healthy relationships grow together and don’t stunt each other’s progress. Learn to respect your individuality and give and take space. Sometimes we have to associate with negative people, but if you have a healthy self-esteem and courage to stand up for yourself, you won’t be affected by such people. Thus, the first step towards breaking bad relationship habits is having a strong conception of your own identity. Often, we allow people into our lives who treat us as we expect to be treated. So, if you feel contempt for yourself or think very little of yourself, you may pick partners or significant others who reflect this image back to you. Learn to recognise such patterns in your life and pluck them off. There will be anger, resentment, hurt and pain. But, you will be breaking your psychological dependency on other people. Recovering from relationship addiction is a process of acknowledging and then letting go of pain, and finding ways to build a happy life.

OVERCOMING RELATIONSHIP ADDICTION

1) Make your ‘recovery’ the first priority in your life. Look for roots of emotional abuse.

2) Go through your early relationships. Tell yourself that you’re an adult now, in charge of your life. Invest your time in disconnecting from the emotions that have been eating you alive.

3) Cultivate whatever needs to be developed in yourself, i.e., fill in gaps that have made you feel undeserving or bad about yourself.

4) Learn to stop managing and controlling others; by being more focused on your own needs; you will no longer need to seek security from others.

5) Develop your spiritual side, i.e., find out what brings you peace and serenity and commit some time, at least half an hour daily, to that endeavour.

6) Learn not to get hooked into bad relationships.

7) Find a support group of friends who understand the pressures you might be facing.

Consider getting professional help, if need arises.



By: Michael Douglas

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