3 Ingredients to Successful Relationships – Anil Salick

Last week, my wife and I celebrated our 10th year wedding anniversary. It feels like just yesterday that we stood in front an altar and pledged commitment and vows.

I admit that I believed in the one sided illusion that marriage would mean sweet happiness, joy, bliss and continuous elation. Alas! We learn through experience that it’s needful to have a bit of both…keeps us sane and balanced.

Successful relationships: husband-wife, parent-child, manager-employee, friends, brother-sister and all inter-personal relationships are based on fundamental principles that when honoured produce desired results.

What matters most? Here are my views on the three most important ingredients for successful relationships:

1. Love

That feeling of compassion and tenderness, of intending no harm but protection, nurturing and giving is essential to form as a cornerstone. Love is spoken of in every religious and wisdom literature as the supreme principle and purpose to our being.

Love is more than emotion. Love is a verb, it’s a doing word. Our actions, especially the little ones, matter. Further, love can be viewed as a commitment that stands in spite of conditions: unconditional love. How many of us are approving of others when they comply with our standards, and disapproving when they don’t. Genuine love for another means we accept them exactly as they are; live and love in the present and allow this to be the catalyst for the change we seek in another.

In practice this means: Stop trying to change others. Love them exactly as they are. Beware when we love conditionally. Don’t let our self-righteous behaviour deceive our inability to love fully sometimes.

2. Trust

Trust is achieved when those involved in a relationship are trustworthy i.e. worthy of trust. Whilst we may and could love, we may not trust.

If relationships are like an arch formation composed of many stones, the most important would be the keystone. It is the centre piece on top which keeps the feature together. Trust can be likened to the keystone. Take out the keystone, and the entire arch crumbles.

Trust is earned. Trust is the greatest form of motivation. Every effort to improve ourselves is an effort at developing a high level trust in an inter-personal relationship.

3. Shared Values

Each of us has values that we choose to live our lives by. People have different values. Winning relationships require parties to understand and respect the values of each other. The values of another should be as important to us as it is to them. How else are we to understand and satisfy their needs and wants? (Only in sales training are we taught to understand (qualify) the values and needs of our customers and find customised solutions to satisfy the need.)

Research tells us that relationships based on sound values are stable and enduring. Shared values triumph in the long run over physical appearance, status, money and other immediate and gratifying needs.

May we consider the relationships we have with another. Maybe it is a true principle: ‘My relationship with another with you has got nothing to do with you. Your relationship with me has got nothing to do with me.’

Everything points back to us.



By: Anil Salick

About the Author:

So, you thought you have finally found the ONE.

Someone who has an established career, with stable financial status, responsible, good looking, intelligent, and good-humored person has finally come into your life.

But, just when you thought you’ve finally met the ideal man or woman of your dreams, everything seems to be wrong and complicated. Suddenly, he has lost his job, she went bankrupt, he became careless, and she became paranoid about everything. You try to help your partner in dealing with the issues but it always turns out that he or she’s too good to ask help from anybody-even you.

Still, despite everything you still do almost everything to help your beau without you realizing that he or she slowly drags you into the pit of depression and helplessness they’re in. When you feel that you are no longer healthy, happy, and growing in the relationship, that’s the time when you are trapped in bad relationship.

Being stuck and stranded

It is always hard to end any kind of relationship-especially if it’s a romantic relationship. But, no matter how hard to end something that you thought is precious, you should know when to end a relationship especially if you are well-aware that its not doing you any good.

The signs of the times would probably tell you if you are already being stuck in a bad relationship. Experts agree that the relationship is already bad when the couple is going through unusual periods of disagreement and bitterness that can be evitable in some relationships. You will also know if you are already in the pit of a bad relationship when it involves incessant aggravation and everything-even your partner-seems to be out of your reach.

The main determinant if you are in a bad relationship is the behavior of your partner. You can tell that you are being caught up in a bad relationship if your partner is beyond your reach of communication and comprehension, he or she doesn’t want to make any commitment, doesn’t profess his or her feelings even if there is a sort of commitment or plainly incapable of loving someone else besides him or herself.

Studies also show that in any bad relationship, the couple is often on dissimilar wavelengths that there is almost no common ground and no connection or communication that result to irritation and disappointment.

Since bad relationships usually stem from chronic reciprocation of what one or both partners need, the relationship itself can even damage the self-esteem of the persons involved. Bad relationships are also destructive for persons especially those who have invested so much in their careers for their personal lives since these serve as a perfect breeding ground for rage, bitterness, self-doubt, melancholy, and distress.

Aside from emotional distress, staying in a bad relationship can be hazardous to someone’s health. The most common hazard of bad relationship is the physical harm caused by an abusive partner. In less severe cases, being in a bad relationship can cause tensions and various chemical changes often triggered by so much stress.

Being in a bad relationship reflects so much on the person’s overall health and well-being because it can drain energy, thus, lowering the body’s resistance to illness. The common health hazards of being in a bad relationship include severe headaches, back pains, and stomachaches caused by anger and frustration; insomnia and melancholy caused by emotional distress; and weight problems caused by irregular behavioral patterns and depression.

If couples continue to be in a relationship that is no longer healthy, they will try to find a way to escape from being stuck inside by being alcoholic or drug dependent. Worse, being stuck in an unhealthy relationship can eventually lead to recurrent ******* attempts.

Breaking free

What most people inside relationships do not realize is that the more they try to work things out, things get more and more complicated. This is because both people in the relationship try so hard to pass through the stage without realizing that they are detaching themselves with their respective partners. As a result of this detachment is misunderstanding, incompatibility, and soon enough, falling out of love.

If you are already in a bad relationship that robs you off your freedom to be yourself, the freedom to love other person, and the freedom to get out of an unhealthy and destructive relationship, here are some of the things you can do to recover.

1. Consider your wellness as the first priority in life whether you are in or out of a romantic relationship.

2. Try to be “selfish” at times by focusing on your own needs above all else.

3. Be strong enough to deal with your own problems.

4. Have a positive outlook in life and cultivate whatever positive values you acquired within the relationship.

5. Nurture you spiritual side and try to look for ways or activities that can bring you inner peace.

6. If the relationship was quite traumatic, think of getting professional help or find a support group where you can chare your experiences and the lessons you have learned.

7. Don’t be afraid to fall in love but try to be more cautious next time so you won’t be stuck in a bad relationship.



By: My Relationship Tips

About the Author:

Centuries before, women are expected to just stay at home, manage the household and take care of the children. Some will probably do some charity works just to have something that will occupy their free time. There is however no question on what should come first. Relationships and family will always be first priority.

Times have changed.

Today, women —-and men at that —- choose between career and relationships. Surprisingly or unsurprisingly, most will choose career. A materialistic society spawned people who are more into careers than personal relationships. With a fast-paced world and the competitiveness in the professional world, they feel that opportunities in their careers will only knock once. Because of this they sacrifice their personal relationships in favor of their careers.

Some people even set-up their lives by completely deleting the need for choice. These are the people who are confirmed workaholics, building their career at the expense of family and relationships. But should there be a choice? Should there be a contest between personal and professional life? Should one be sacrificed for the other?

Some individuals have actually been able to handle having a relationship and building a successful career path. All it seems to take is proper time management and honesty.

Below are some tips on how to have the best of both worlds.

Set boundaries.

In managing both a career and a relationship, one thing that you should do first is to set boundaries and establish some ground rules. Define early on in the relationship what you want and just how far you can sacrifice one at the expense of the other. Your partner will appreciate the honesty. This will also help clear things and will define just where the relationship starts. Prioritizing work does not mean that you do not care for your partner or you love them less the same way prioritizing your partner and your family does not mean that you are not committed to your career.

Anticipate problems with schedules

Emergency deadlines and unexpected appointments are not new to work especially if you are holding an important position. This can lead to canceled dates or forgotten anniversaries. To prevent disagreements and misunderstandings, it is important that you anticipate things and talk about these kinds of situations before they happen.

Make your partner understand that you cannot turn away from your responsibilities. Talking about things will minimize fights and misunderstandings. Still, even though you have already talked about it, when the situation arises, apologize still and try to make up after. One mistake that couples make is they become angry when their partner expect them to still explain things.

Set time for each other

You can accomplish anything if you just set your mind to it. Making a success of both your personal and professional life just needs proper time management. While work is also an important part of your life, do not make it the center of your existence. Allot time for your partner. One strategy that will work is to set a specific night in a week where you both can go out and just be together. This way, you will already have an idea what dates to avoid when you are setting appointments.

You should also take a week off from work once or twice a year and spend it with your partner. Go to a tropical island or beach. Travel abroad. This way, you can regain the closeness that you have outside the pressure of your professional life.

Quality time vs quantity

It is not actually the amount of time that you spend together but how you spend your time. You can spend the whole week together but if you spend them worrying and thinking about work, you might as well go to the office. Make sure that if you spend time together, you will only be thinking of non-work things. Make the most of every minute that you spend together. Connect with each other and do things that you will both enjoy.

Work is work, love is love

If you are having problems at work, make sure that you do not bring it to your relationship. Try to separate these two components of your life.



By: My Relationship Tips

About the Author:

In real life, law rarely forgives any wrong act. In most of the countries law is clear about punishment. We still hear a lot about forgiving in personal relationships. We are told to forgive the major blunders. We are asked to forgive and forget and continue living as if nothing happened. Does that work? To some extent yes, and to some extent no.

Most of us who have been hurt in relationship do not wish to forgive at all. The result is that we suffer from the pain all our life. We are advised to forgive so that at least we can feel peaceful. If we do not forgive, our own peace is lost forever and we suffer. Forgiveness is for us. To forgive does not always mean that the abuser can continue with the same behavior. You need not tell the abuser that you have forgiven him/her. Let them suffer for what they did. But by forgiving in your own mind, you get peace.

Relationship after forgiving - the relationship can never continue at the same level and intensity after any mistake has been made. No amount of forgiveness can ever bring the relation back.

Bringing relationship back - I have said earlier that no relationship will return to the same old level after a major mistake has been committed. This is true. But what if the partners want to bring it back to the old level? How should they proceed? In this case, the abuser should ask for forgiveness again and again. Only after the victim is satisfied, the forgiveness can become effective to the extent that relationship comes back to normal.



By: Cdmohatta

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