Ever notice how you put more value on something you worked hard for over something else that just fell on your lap? A common example of this is when you see someone spend lottery winnings on a fancy house, but thinking twice about investing life savings.

When something comes with a great deal of effort, that object increases its worth to that person who went through a great deal to get it. The same can be said about relationships. Someone who was won over with little effort can be let go just as easily. But when one is made to invest time and resources, it is harder to let them simply slip away.

Guys, believe it or not, it is okay, if not healthy, to let your lady work at your relationship and making things slightly more challenging for her to get you. After all, women have been playing “hard to get” for the longest time. It’s only right that they be returned the favor.

You may agree, but then you may not know exactly how. So read on for some helpful ideas on letting your mate work on increasing the value of your relationship.

- Retain some enigma.

Perhaps in their eagerness to impress the ladies, guys nowadays tend to share information about themselves short of a resume. That leaves very little for a woman to build her curiosity on.

Women are creatures of curiosity. They are wired to hunt for information on something that they are interested in. Just looking at how they consume gossip magazines will show you that.

Let this work to your advantage by revealing just enough information about yourself to get them interested while giving them hints on how to find out more. For example, let her know that you two have a common friend, but only give hints as to who it is. If she is in the least interested, chances are she’ll be asking everyone she knows if they know you. As a result, you’ll probably be constantly on her mind - which is a very, very good thing.

- Challenge her views.

If you don’t agree with some things your lady believes to be the only truth, let her know your opinions as otherwise. You will find that she will engage you with a lot more enthusiasm, if only to win you over to her side.

The advantage to this is that if you get “won over” by the arguments she made for her case, she’d feel a greater sense of attachment to you. Just be careful in doing so as your challenge can very easily be perceived as picking a fight, which may turn out badly for the both of you.

- Acquire a new skill together.

Whether it is a craft or a sport, encourage your girl to take up something she’s never had before with you. As she agrees, subtly push her to perform better than you are. If you are a very competitive type of guy, this may be quite difficult for you.

But if you keep your competitiveness in check, and allow her to excel over you with this new skill, you help build her confidence while at the same time making you the focus of her efforts.

- Let her imagination work.

When you and your lady have reached the point where you are physically intimate, you access another aspect of your relationship where you can allow you lady to work on.

When it comes to sex, even if she has already encouraged you to talk about it the first time, do what you can to avoid the topic - at least long enough for her to ask the second time. At this point, indulge her with some ideas you have in mind but leave out the details.

Allowing her imagination to fill in the blanks has already got you set up in her mind about the possibilities of an incredible night with you. Remember, a woman’s most erogenous zone is her brain. Work this part of her and it’ll take all of her self-control not to jump you the next time you meet.

These ideas all work to get your woman to invest more time and effort on you, reinforcing the connection you two have made. But be sure to affirm these efforts and let her know that you notice the work she is putting in. Nothing makes her feel better than to know her man thinks she is not only a great partner, but someone who can stand well enough on her own.



By: My Relationship Tips

About the Author:

Personal goal setting is a major component of any personal development program and indeed for anyone wanting to succeed in any or all areas of their life.

Why set personal goals?

By setting personal goals on a routine basis you decide what you want to achieve, and then move step-by-step towards the achievement of these goals. The process of personal goal setting allows you to choose where you want to go in life. By knowing precisely what you want to achieve, you know what you have to concentrate on to do it. Personal goal setting is a procedure used by successful business people, top level sports women and men and achievers in all fields. It gives you long-term vision and short-term motivation.

By setting clearly defined goals using a goal setting worksheet, you can take pride in the achievement of those goals. You see progress in what might otherwise seem a long pointless struggle. With personal goal setting, you will also raise your self-confidence as you recognize your ability and competence in achieving the goals that you have set. The process of achieving those goals and seeing this achievement, gives you confidence that you will be able to achieve higher and more difficult goals.

How should you set your goals?

When personal goal setting, take yourself off somewhere where you feel totally in tune with yourself. I have a favorite café that plays the right kind of music and early in the morning there are few other people around. I sit in the sun with my coffee and the thoughts, ideas and pen just flow. Be as descriptive as possible and notice your emotions whilst you are writing. If you can, close your eyes and visualize yourself experiencing and having everything right now! This can add huge weight to having your achieve these personal goals. Do this as often as you can.

The first step in setting personal goals is to consider what you want to achieve in your lifetime, as setting Lifetime goals gives you the overall perspective that shapes all other aspects of your decision making.

In order to find out what personal goals you want to set, you need to ask yourself some pertinent questions and could include to the following: What will your life look like when you have what you want? What is the ideal career/job/business? How much money do you want to make? What things do you want to experience? Where do you want to go? What does the ideal relationship look like? How do you feel when you have everything you want?

These questions may relate to Personal, Relationships, Financial, Business/Career, Health & Fitness etc

Once you have the questions answered, make each goal as specific and clear as possible and start breaking things down so you have clear timeframes around each objective. Personal goal setting usually includes and a series of lower level goals culminating in a daily to-do list. By setting up this structure of plans you can break even the biggest life goal down into a number of small tasks that you need to do each day to reach the bigger personal goals. Write down your goals - make up and use a goal setting worksheet. …and the answer to the question above?

Did you know that the single act of writing your goals down increases the chances of achieving them by 1,100%? Amazing, isn’t it! You can increase your chances of reaching your goals by 11 times just by writing them down.

A major newspaper did a significant survey and asked people if they had achieved their goals from the previous year. 46% of those who had written down their goals did achieve them. And only 4% of those who didn’t have written goals achieved them. That’s 11 times the difference!

Want to catapult your way to achieving your goals?

Make sure you increase your chances by over 1,000% by writing dowm your goals and read them every day!



By: Karen Oates

About the Author:

Changing your life for the better is not impossible. Run from anyone who tells you that you should just accept your lot in life. No one has to live a life that is less than what they want. A success principle can be applied to your career and personal life.

You may think that life is working against you and keeping you in a spot that is not what you want or dreamed of but it is possible to change all of that. It may require the use of personal development coaching, yet you can attain your goals and change; it is within your grasp.

Personal development coaching occurs in steps. Step one is to analyze your current living situation. No, this is not referring to where you live or with whom you cohabitate. It is about taking a good, long look at your life.

Are you happy with your workplace? Are you happy with your personal relationships? This is about taking an inventory or stock of your life and recognizing in what areas helpful, leadership mentoring could make a difference.

The second step involves telling your coach consultant what your goals are. He or she cannot tell you what you should aim for, that is your job to let them know what it is you want out of life.

Just remember to set reasonable goals. You may want to conquer a fear of heights or learn how to make the most out of relationships. It is okay to set a series of small goals rather than one large goal.

The third step is implementing a plan that involves life building exercises. Your coach can help you by pointing out areas where you could improve communication skills, management skills and even where your strong areas are versus dwelling on the negative aspects of your life. It is time to take full responsibility and start working towards your aspirations.

Step four is the final part of the plan. It is now time to start implementing the changes that you will need to make in order to succeed and make your end objectives a reality. Personal development coaching comes full circle and you can finally see how you really want things to be. Your coach will prove to be a valuable asset in this learning process and can provide you with the appropriate motivation in order to see things through to completion. Good luck on your journey!



By: MIKE SELVON

About the Author:

AndiGravity asked:


Okay, I’m not a Christian. I think anyone who’s seen my posts up to this point can take a stab at that one. So I’m told, Christianity is about a “personal relationship with Jesus”, and that you have to open your heart to him. Groovy?

Native Americans, on the other hand, tend to believe in totem spirits that guide you, and as I mentioned last night one of the most prominent of them, at least where I came from, was Coyote.

Growing up, I sort of hovered between two worlds, because some of my ancestors are white, but others are Native American. Despite being raised in Native American society, my mother spent most of her time trying to be white (that doesn’t work out so well if you marry a Native American, but they ended up divorcing, anyway).

Her father was absolutely Native American, and while he did marry a half-French woman, he didn’t really approve of his daughter’s almost desperate need to forsake her own culture. Since she was his daughter, she was always welcome in his house, but he took the opportunity to teach his grandchildren what he could about being Native American… so, hovering between two worlds.

My mother made sure we went to church, and gave us the whole “fire and brimstone” bit. I’ll head off one of the answers in advance and say that no, she most certainly didn’t do it because she loved her children. By her own admission, she loathes every one of us. It was a way for her to keep up appearances, but like every little kid being told these things by mommy, I tried my little heart out to believe it.

I’d go to bed and pray for her to stop being so mad, and nobody answered.

I’d pray for her and my stepfather to stop beating me and my brothers up, and nobody answered.

I’d pray they’d stop going out every Friday and get completely wasted and come stumbling home to pass out for the weekend, and nobody answered.

I’d pray and pray and pray for something– for anything– to help me keep believing, and NOBODY ANSWERED.

When I was fifteen, I finally couldn’t take it any longer, and ran away from home. We lived in a little town in the middle of the desert, so I literally took all the money I had in the world (thirty-eight cents) and walked into the desert.

Needless to say, that really isn’t a good idea if you have no water and the nearest town is sixty miles away, nor is it a good idea to do so if you don’t have a compass or a map. After six or seven hours, I was as lost as I could be. I was alone, there wasn’t a single sign of civilization in sight, and the one thing that I was beginning to realize more than any other was that I was going to die.

I had strep throat, and couldn’t see straight. I was out of energy, I was dehydrated, and it was freezing (night had fallen). When you get right down to it, though, I simply didn’t want to go on any more. I was done, there was no more hope, and the place I was standing was as good as any to lay down and do the deed.

Then, out of nowhere, this coyote shows up and starts snapping at me. I could hear howls from the rest of its pack in the distance, but couldn’t see any of them. This one, though, he was right there yipping and snapping and hopping around, and my desire to drop dead didn’t include being eaten while I was still alive.

So, I fought back, got it to back off, and then tried to leave. The thing should have set off after a good kick or two, but wouldn’t you know it I found the one that didn’t care how much it got kicked. It kept its distance, but it spent its time worrying me and snapping at my heels.

Everywhere I turned, this thing was behind me. I’d try to go left and it would drive me right. I’d try to go back and it would drive me forward. I’d try to go right, and it would drive me back left. All I could think was that I just had to keep putting one foot in front of the other. One more step. Just one more step. That’s all, just one more step. As long as I boiled the journey down to one more step, I was able to keep taking it, especially with the damned thing chomping on my heels, until in the middle of the night, I saw brake lights from a car. As soon as I did and started for them, it turned around and trotted off into the night.

It turned out to be a police officer moving from the town I used to live in to the next town. His car had blown a tire, and he had to stop there to fix it.

So, if religious experience boils down to our personal experience, I’m curious.

No matter how long or hard I prayed or how much I tried to believe, Jesus never, ever answered me… but when I was lost in the desert in the dark, Coyote showed up and found a way to get me back on my feet and get me to the one place where someone could rescue me.

If religion is about having a personal relationship with God, which one am I supposed to walk away from my experiences believing in? Am I supposed to keep trying to believe in the one who never answered me, or am I supposed to believe in the one that
Apologies, the question seems to have been cut off. The last paragraph should read:

If religion is about having a personal relationship with God, which one am I supposed to walk away from my experiences believing in? Am I supposed to keep trying to believe in the one who never answered me, or am I supposed to believe in the one that showed up?
Some of you worry me a great deal.
I have to admit, I did wonder if anyone was going to get around to basically saying “no, no, don’t you see, it was really MY god in disguise to look like that other one to convince you to believe so you should definitely believe in MY god”.

Mmmm… yes, I can see where God would try to lead someone to Jesus by making sure Jesus never spoke to them, and then send what looks like another spirit they’ve learned about to rescue them.

I can see that much in the way I can see something that looks like a duck, walks like a duck, and quacks like a duck and say “look, it’s a moose!”

Powered by Yahoo! Answers

Relationships of all kinds are often perceived as very sensitive matters that require extra effort to maintain. However, a relationship can also be something that can provide security and can also be long lasting despite many trials.

Building effective and lasting relationships is necessary for several reasons in the business world. For example in a group or organization, the well being of the people depends on how efficient and effective that group or organization works. An effective and efficient group or organization will provide a good work culture as well as productivity for the company.

The group or organization is also dependent on how the members work well with the management or administration. An ineffective group or organization can really be very frustrating. An effective group or organization can also ask so much on their members, that sometimes the members would be having no life outside the walls of the area where they work or sacrifice the other aspects of their life just to meet deadlines. For an organization or group with this kind of scenario, relationships can be stressed or suffer from breakdown.

People or other entities that depend on these groups or organization also suffer. Society is defined as a web of relationships, which requires all parties to work and contribute their share in order to achieve a common goal. Having a relationship that is good, where cooperation and respect are manifested can make society work better. In this way each member works for the good of the whole and towards achieving a common goal. This can only be attained with effective and efficient relationships.

Understanding the other parties’ feelings and position creates an effective and efficient relationship. The easiest method to understand what is important to another party is to ask them what they want and listen to what they have to say. When the other party realizes this, they would feel the importance given to them. They would also feel a sense of belong in an understanding relationship.

Effective and efficient relationships require parties to express their feelings and positions openly on all matters pertinent to the relationship. Assuming that the other party understands our needs and give us what we need it without asking for it is not a good practice. We are human beings and we cannot read other people’s minds. So, communicating our needs and expressing our feelings will further contribute to effective and efficient relationships.

Respect is the essential key to a successful relationship. In order to create a more effective relationship, parties should treat each other with respect. We can show respect just by listening to the other party and by trying sincerely to understand how they function. You can also show respect to other parties by confirming that they are doing everything they can.

The opposite of respect is being judgmental based on unfounded facts and prejudice. Always take time to listen and request for clarification to every situation before making a final judgment. Respect is the very foundation for a great relationship and being judgmental can jeopardize the trusting and respectful connection in a relationship. This also means respecting yourself and respecting others.

Another key area in forming an effective relationship is to tackle differences of the other party directly. Differences between parties or people are quite interesting. For example in a conversation where each party listens to the other party, you may observe that each is having two different perspectives. Be ready to accept the differences and try to make use of the different perspectives as positive compliments to the relationship.

Work towards a win-win solution for both parties. This can be done when at least one party acknowledges that the relationship is important. That party would then exert more time, effort and energy to understand the other party’s needs and deal with it to get it out of the way. When faced with a contrasting opinion, find the best solution or compromise that would solve the problem without damaging either parties. Should they fail, it is comforting for that party to know that they tried.

Developing an atmosphere where the other party can express their feelings at ease by effectively listening without pre-judging. This is important if parties are to understand each other. Informal discussions are conducive for parties. They bring out issues and concerns comfortably. They also feel more relaxed making them think more clearly. When parties fail to express whatever is on their mind or their feelings, it can get in the way of building an effective relationship.

Parties should be aware that certain things exist naturally but should be controlled in any dealings in any relationship. Human nature is one of these things found in a relationship. Also include a history of stereotyping or mistrust, blaming the other person or party for a strained relationship, excluding the other party’s feelings when focusing on a task, no clear and defined objectives, roles and expectations of each party in a relationship is also unclear.

Relationships are important to everyone. Addressing issues and problems right away is a must to further improve the relationship. As they say ‘No man is an Island’.



By: Paul Hata

About the Author:

Marrying even within your own culture can be a challenging experience. Once you get past the wedding day and the romance you are left with the everyday task of loving somebody who is not like you. Differences can be a source of inspiration or conflict.

But what are the challenges of marry into another culture?

A desire to understand another’s culture will not prevent conflict. You have your own cultural beliefs that you bring to a relationship and you will in the first instance use that framework to judge a person or situation. However it is important to gather as much information about your partner’s culture as you can. For example their rituals, their religious beliefs, the role of extended family in your partner’s life and how much autonomy does your partner have in making decisions for their life. People in the West have a great deal of independence from their extended families. Those in the East value close family relationships. This will impact on your relationship.

Do not assume your partner is going to change with gentle persuasion from you. This is probably a mistake people make generally in relationships. People need to be accepted for themselves and if you need to change somebody to ensure you can have a relationship with them, it begs the question why choose the person in the first place. That’s not to say that change will not occur as you spend more time getting to know someone and what they want in the relationship. Trying to change someone’s cultural tendencies will create more unnecessary conflict.

There are many situations that arise in life that call for us to draw on ‘common-sense’ ways to deal with them. That common-sense is made up of our past experience, our habits, our value systems and our taken for granted ways of how to react to things that happen in our life even small things. Remember you and your partner do not possess the same common-sense view of the world. In some situations like how to eat food correctly or what to do in a temple, choosing the ‘when in Rome’ approach can save a lot of unnecessary conflict. But there are some things that are not so easy to solve by using this approach especially if they call into question fundamental values and beliefs. Again just because you choose to live in your partner’s country does not mean you have to compromise who you are.

The answer to all of the above conundrums and potential areas of conflict is to communicate. Be prepared to talk about issues in your relationship particularly in the ‘getting to know you stage’. Then make a commitment to communicate throughout your relationship. Never make assumptions, particularly in a cross-cultural relationship.

Discuss issues like how much free time is normal in a relationship. Discuss your finances and whether both of you are going to work. How will you raise children? Where are you going to live and will there be the enough job opportunities for whoever is going to work. Communication is the secret to avoiding unnecessary conflict and to resolving conflict should it arise. Some cultures are more adept at direct communication than others. Nevertheless without some degree of commitment to discussing issues being made, your chances of a successful relationship become less and less.

One practical way a couple can find out if they want to enter into a cross-cultural marriage is for either partner to seek a fiancée visa. A period of time in your partner’s country will allow you the space to really get to know your partner and their culture and will provide sufficient information for you to choose whether you want to marry your partner. Bringing your partner from the Philippines on a fiancée visa to the USA? Check out the relevant websites for information on the completion of the K1 visa application form.



By: Duane Beadle

About the Author: